Dating and the age thing


#1

Among mature single people, my group, there seems to be an odd disconnect with objective reality, with respect to age criteria for potential dating partners.

Many of both the men and the women are looking for younger partners. On an individual level, that may seem like no big deal, but in the broader perspective, the math just will not work.

If everyone, or most folks, of both sexes, were to insist on a younger dating partner, mate selection would come to a rapid halt.

Let me explain. Suppose a 45 year old man was seeking a 35 year old woman, but she was seeking a man of 30 years. That could go nowhere.

If that was the aggregate preference of date seekers, then no one could get a date, for reasons of age.

I am mildly amused by this situation. We can’t have it both ways, with men and women all looking for younger partners.

How do you think this might be resolved?


#2

Go against the tide… marry old. (I did… and he’s FABULOUS! :D)

Or just take age out of the equation entirely… :shrug:


#3

For every man or woman that marries a younger spouse, there is a man or woman that marries an older spouse.


#4

Are they seriously ALL looking for younger partners? Huh. Interesting. I’m with EM, I married a man nearly 11 yrs my senior. I was never EVER attracted to younger men when I was dating …At 40, even though some say I look younger, I still know my age. lol :o And I’d never date a man much younger than me, if I were single, today. Not sure why, just never thought of them as more than friends back in college days. :shrug: For this reason, I’m always intrigued by modern day times now, when women my age or older, are seeking out much younger men. :hmmm: (friends of mine, the tv shows that are on depicting 40+ women with 25 -30 yr old men, etc) I am not as intrigued with older men seeking out younger women, maybe because it’s been more prevelant in our culture over the decades…it seems that more middle aged, and beyond women are seeking out much younger men to date/marry, so maybe that’s why I’m intrigued…I don’t see it that often.

I think that you will find your perfect match someday…just keep your eyes and ears open to all God has for you. :slight_smile: And keep your dancing shoes ready! :dancing: (per your other thread;))*


#5

I have to agree with the other replies. I think maybe it’s just been a coincidence that the people you encounter seem to seek younger dates.

I’m a 34 yr old female and my honey is 45. I also have always been attracted to older men.

Maybe it’s just me, but the younger woman/older man thing seems even more prevelant in the Catholic community.

:shrug:


#6

I don’t see a trend of women looking for younger men. In fact, even when dealing with women who are just a couple of years my senior, I see that they notice the age difference and I’m not in their ordinary group of potential mates. This notwithstanding the fact I generally have great contact with them.


#7

I like to stick closer to my age range. My guy is only a few years older but a few years younger wouldn’t bother me. It’s just depends on how you click with someone.


#8

Hey, does that mean you’ve found someone? Congrats!


#9

Men in general look for younger mates. It’s been like that throughout history. Makes sense in some respect because if a man works until he is successful and then looks for a wife that will take a few years. He would want a younger wife to have his children. Older wives in general have difficulty having children.

It’s the women looking for younger men that is new. Probably another “feminism” innovation. Have to say I’m not seeing a lot of that. Men in general want younger wives.

Another “new” thing I’m seeing is divorce because the man is ready to have children and the wife isn’t because she is still career building. Most often happens when the spouses are of the same age.


#10

*Re: the thought on feminism, are you thinking that because it appears that women will say…well, if men can do it (date much younger mates) then we can too! I see what you’re saying from that standpoint. But, I don’t think that there is anything inherently wrong with women dating younger men, it’s personal preference. I think that if ANYONE, either gender is seeking out potential mates **solely **based on age, that is not wise. Just my thoughts. *


#11

*Something that seems to be a growing ‘phenomenon’ at least here in Florida, is the number of men in their late 50’s…early 60’s who are divorcing their same age wives for much younger women. That is so very sad to me. :frowning:

I see it more with men divorcing their same age wives, than women doing it to their husbands, who are the same age. Dating someone younger, won’t turn back the clock. And in the meantime, your soul is at stake. :(*


#12

One practical reason for men marrying younger women was being the head of the household, i.e. the big guy, and the benefit of a bit more age and experience came handy with that. It does attract women on the other hand, but you well know that. :wink:

With me, I would normally prefer younger, but I’ve had some bad experience with maturity levels in that age range (i.e. my age minus a couple of years). I’m only 26, but dating a 21 year old would feel like seducing my own student. I tend to have better contact and better conversations with women my age plus a couple of years, and as a rule they stand a higher chance to appeal to me (and vice versa), but that’s because they’re more likely to exhibit qualities I like and be done with qualities I don’t like by that time. Ideally, I’d snatch a wise young woman.


#13

My two cents is that there is nothing wrong per se with dating someone with a large age gap…it is the same as any other “preference” - if you love the preference as a means to your satisfying end in stead of loving the person, you are truly risking your soul and your happiness. It is like marrying someone based on hair color instead of love…their physical attribute is a means to your end of being pleased by that hair color.
My husband is a year older than me, but we were in the same grade level. I honestly can’t imagine dating someone either older or younger more than 2 years because of the “cultural” difference. I can’t imagine them not knowing a song from our teenage years or a movie, tv show etc. I dunno…I have only ever been attracted to guys my own age. If an older man hits on me…. It makes me feel ill. By older I mean 15 years or more (I’m 25 and I look maybe 20…so there is a creepiness factor there).
I don’t really get the whole “cougar” craze that is going on…I think it happens less in real life and more as a television phenomenon. I am sure it does happen in real life, but I think it has been getting disproportionate attention in the media. I guess it is a sign of the times. As women manipulate their reproductive cycles and have the ability to have children via science later and later…they may be changing habits in finding “suitable” procreation partners later in life. This is something men have been doing for eons. I don’t really find it appealing when either gender does it. As a society in general, I think we are missing the point of honoring and loving “the whole person.”
Ultimately, I think loving God above all else helps us pick a mate (or stay single if that is our calling!) in a very special and trustworthy way. We must love our mate as Christ loves the Church….and he doesn’t love us for any superficial reasons and he also was willing to give his life for us. I think that is the litmus test for true love…would you die for this person on the spot and I don’t care how old they are in comparison to you (I am talking within legal and moral confines here). If the answer is no…keep looking, you haven’t found them yet and all the tv dating shows in the world won’t cure that.


#14

It’s naturally resolved by people settling.

We all want some ideal kind of partner that very few of us actually get. I mean, sure I’d love to marry a tall, athletic man with six pack abs, attractive face, who is also a genius, a billionaire, is selfless and compassionate, and so on…

The chances of me even meeting someone like that, much less marrying him are virtually 0. So if I want to get married, at some point I am going to have to compromise on the closest man to my ideal that wants to marry me. :shrug:

Some people prefer to be single if they can’t have their ideal, others settle. Most I would say choose to settle.


#15

I’m 25 and I look 20. But I’d not date a younger guy, unless he was somehow miraculously mature. I’d date someone my age up to 10 or so years older.

Maybe when I’m 35 someone 5 years younger would be acceptable…but not until then.

(and hopefully I’ll have someone by then)


#16

I’m a “younger man” who prefers dating “older women.” Why? No drama. No maintenance. I would stop short of saying I like the, um, “cougar” types. I don’t. (They’re hideous. Really.) But I’ve got no problem saying I’m mid-30’s and have no qualms whatsoever about seeking the affection of a woman in her 40’s or 50’s.

I’m glad the May/December stigma is finally coming to an end.


#17

One outstanding historical example is St Thomas More who married a woman several years older than he after his first wife died. Of course, he’d had a younger first wife and 3 children, and his second wife, as a widow, wasn’t necessarily on the lookout for him! lol


#18

Growing phenomenon?? That is a very common trend, and has been for years! That’s the ‘trophy wife’ syndrome that has been going on since even before divorce was very easy to get. And yes, it is very, very sad. For the wives who are being dumped and for the husbands who are too shallow to think straight!


#19

Just my opinion, but I think it’s more natural for a younger woman to date an older man than vice versa.

When I was single, I dated men up to about 10 years older than me…give or take a couple of years. I never dated men my age or younger…just found them immature.

As for the tropy wife syndrome…that is very sad and I’ve seen it happen to a family friend. It tore their family apart over the father/husband’s selfishness. He even bought a Porshe. Also when I was in Florida, I constantly saw these old men with pretty women younger than me and it was “creepy”. That is just so shallow!


#20

*Your family friend’s story sounds sad. And becoming all too common these days. Yes, for some reason, it is quite common here in Florida. :o *


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