Here, I thought this might be of use. There's gotta be some rules. :) I've drafted this to help in the process. :p
Contract entered into on the day twenty-fifth of November of the year two thousand and ninth by and between:
Mr. ......, hereinafter referred to as the "DAD" and
......, hereinafter referred to as the "Supplicant",
collectively referred to as the "Parties".
Whereas Supplicant has expressed interest in Goods described herein and
Whereas Supplicant has humbly begged permission to petition for permission to obtain limited access to Goods,
AND AS LONG AS I AM ALIVE AND THIS IS MY HOUSE
Therefore in consideration of the foregoing and of other good and valuable consideration (hereinafter referred to as the "Consideration" or the "Winchester M1897"), the Parties have agreed as follows.
Art. 1: Subject of Contract
The subject of the contract is restricted access to one (1) fine healthy young female (hereinafter referred to as the "Goods"), hereinafter referred to as the "Benefits", including AND limited to:
- the right to adore from afar (within reason),
- the right to petition to enter Premises,
- the right to be seen together with at least ten (10) members of the public attending and five (5) Extended Family Members overseeing
the performance of this Contract,
- the right to attend dinners and social events with special permission at Dad's sole and exclusive discretion, notwithstanding all
costs and fees (and duties and imposts etc.) shall be borne by Supplicant,
- the right to attend "movies" provided that at least three (3) law-abiding citizens of repute and standing are situated in between,
- the right to talk without being talked to, provided that every sentence shall begin and end with "sir" HOPE THIS IS CLEAR,
- the right to receive instruction and admonition from Extended Family Members.
Art. 2: Grant of Limited License
Dad hereby grants Supplicant a limited non-exclusive revocable at will license to use the Benefits for the duration of good behavior along with limited lease of Goods thereunto appertaining.
Art. 3: Contract Duration
This Contract is explicitly made for the duration of good behavior but in any case no longer than two (2) years whereupon license granted hereby on terms and conditions set out herein shall cease operating forthwith. Good behaviour is further defined in an Appendix to this Contract.
Art. 4: Termination
Upon termination by means of expiration or earlier termination or by means of Force Majeure, Supplicant shall cease any contact (including ocular) with the Goods. The Goods shall be returned in the same condition as they were leave. THIS IS CRISTAL CLEAR
Supplicant explicitly denies any claims to avoid this Contract as if he supposedly were made to enter into by force and all other such nonsense.
Art. 5: Failure in Performance
In the event (1) of failure in performance, Benefits shall be prorated accordingly. Notwithstanding the above, the Goods shall not be prorated.
Art. 6: Dispute Resolution
Any dispute or controversy arising hereunder or in connection herewith (hereinafter referred to as "You Don't Want That To Happen") shall be resolved unilaterally by the Licensing Party by means of Physical Dispute Resolution. This failing to bring effect (it won't), the matter shall be reffered to arbitration by assembly of law-abiding citizens of repute and standing at the Dule Tree at the field two miles west of the town.
In witness whereof parties hereto have placed their hands and seals this day twenty-fith of November of the year two thousand and ninth.