Dating in today's world


#1

Hello everyone, I was just reading the post “called to be single” and made me think of this. I am 34 and single, but don’t feel called to be single. I have an overwhelming desire to be married and have children. The difficult part for me is the dating! Hate is a strong word, but I seriously dislike the dating part of relationships. I used to enjoy dating when I was in my twenties, but then again I wasn’t where I am now spiritually (I converted when I was 26). I made many mistakes in my past that I am not proud of and hope to not repeat. I find it very difficult to date because the men I meet are not the type that are going to wait for marriage for you know what. It seems as if most people are having sex by the thrid date :eek: .

Does anyone else have this problem when it comes to dating?

Does anyone have any good suggestions on where a 34 year old woman can meet a good Catholic man?


#2

I just recently married a wonderful gal I met on this forum and I wasn’t even looking for a date, let alone marriage. My wife and I attended a Cana II class with 10 other couples and 5 out of 11 met on the internet, three from e-harmony. Next to meeting a potential spouse at a mass or church function-which would probably be the best way to meet someone of faith- it can be a useful tool, of course one has to be careful. I’ve heard sites such as catholicsingles.com and avemariasingles.com are good sources to meet catholic single people and one nice thing is that you can talk to people and get to know them to see if things can possibly progress down the line prior to physically meeting.

I’m sure there are some single men out there that still understand the sanctity of marriage, put yourself in an enviornment that fosters that. Just steer clear of the seminaries- we need our priests too!


#3

avemariasingles.com

Met my hubby there after 3 years as a member…he was worth every minute of the wait…:love:


#4

That is where DW and I met!! Now we are getting ready for the birth of baby #4 in October!! AMS is a great site!

I even talked about CAF so much she joined on here as well.


#5

I didn’t have that problem, because all who know me know what I’m about-- and what I’m not about.

BUT, what I did experience was a very small dating pool. I did meet some faithful men in my Church, but we were just meant to be friends.

I met my DH through Ave Maria (after 2 years on the site). I highly recommend it.


#6

Looks like there are a couple of Ave Maria successes on the forums…:stuck_out_tongue:


#7

Azgirl,

Sounds like maybe you’d enjoy reading what we CAF’ers have to say about online dating for Catholics? Do a search in this forum and you’ll get a bunch of threads on the topic.

Hubby and I are another www.avemariasingles.com success story. PM me & I’ll point you to our story on that website’s list of “Success Stories.”

God bless!


#8

The others gave good advice. I met my husband during mass on campus. I know it’s not a reason to attend mass, but I do know that many younger or single people who are devout Catholics realize that they have a better chance also meeting a devout Catholic after mass. I became friends with my husband for 2 1/2 years before we dated and I knew what he was about. He was always at mass and was also a lector and an Extraordinary Minister and also believed in what I held dear about our faith, so I knew that he was “legit”. :slight_smile:

Before being with my husband, I also used to meet nice gentlemen at museums and at concerts (classical concerts). Gentlemen seem to be a little more brave to approach a woman when you are by yourself looking at a piece of art or standing around waiting to be seated before the orchestra or a recitalist performs.

Although, as 1ke said, the dating pool is much smaller, but I felt that was ok since I wanted to be dating quality, not quantity. Keep praying… if God has plans for you to marry, he will reveal that person to you when the time is right. God Bless!!! :wink:


#9

Try courting!


#10

Oh my gosh, I completely understand you. For example, recently a good-looking, nice guy asked for my number, and I’m not even excited to talk to him or go out with him because, pessimistic (or realistic?) me, thinks, "Oh, great, here we go - I bet he’s not even a Christian, let alone a Catholic, and will want to drink and … ", basically, your average American guy. I feel like it’s a waste of time because I already know! Even though I know I don’t. So until I “care” about getting married, I’ll wait on the singles websites, but I have heard good things about them.


#11

AVEMARIASINGLES.COM!!!

I meet my wonderful husband after being a member for almost 2 years…well worth the time! Definitely sign up…what do you have to lose??? :thumbsup:


#12

I am currently on Catholic Match and have had little success. It seems so many of the men that email me are not ready for a relationship. They will email and email and when you give them your number they seem to disappear. I am the type if I am interested after a few emails it is time to talk on the phone and arrange to meet. That is when you will truly know if this is worth working at.
I have also been on eharmony and match in the past. I think I am burned out of internet dating. Ava Maria singles sounds interesting and it sounds as if quite a few of you have had success. Maybe I will take a break when Catholic Match expires and join that site in a month or two.
Anyone know any good men in their 30’s in Arizona :slight_smile: . Can’t hurt to ask right :shrug: .


#13

Well, I have a cousin’s son in his mid-20s that moved out there recently, but I can’t vouch for how good of a Catholic he is (plus last I heard he was seeing someone here in the midwest).

But as far as the small dating pool for serious Catholics, I agree with the frustration there, as I have been experiencing it myself (which is why I would like to see a ban on all this “single vocation” stuff).

If you are burned out from internet dating, do you live in an area in which there are Catholic young adult groups that you could get involved with, or have you tried that only to find them pushing “single vocation” and “alternate lifegiving” down your throats?


#14

(which is why I would like to see a ban on all this “single vocation” stuff).

why do you want to see a ban on all this “single vocation” stuff?


#15

Because it makes the pool of eligible women smaller (either that, or it is used as an excuse to jerk men around, but then again, maybe it’s something in the Lake Michigan water).


#16

Azgirl, if this is any consolation, I’m 24 years old and in a serious dislike of the dating concept. For one, I don’t feel I’m bound to a person I’ve near-randomly taken out for a coffee once or twice. For another one, people seem to regard dating as a romantic relationship and even many Catholic will tell you that it’s fine to have multiple romantic relationships so long as there’s no sex. I don’t want to have anything to do with that. If that means dying single, I will. Now, as for where you can find a good Catholic single man, I suppose you should think where you could find one. Or rather, where you’d go if you were a good, Catholic, single man. In those places you will find them. Probably Church-related places, maybe libraries, perhaps Catholic singles sites.


#17

Being a 21 year old guy, I can relate to the idea of dating being difficult or seemingly pointless. I am so sick of meeting girls just to find out they support abortion and pre-marital sex. I am not saying I haven’t made these share of mistakes but I have corrected them and am now waiting for marriage. I am on Catholic Singles but it is not all that grand. I have heard nothing but good things about avemariasingles.com. Maybe I will try it.

all the best,
dxu


#18

Thank you for your post! I have been feeling this way for some time. I am only 27 but already hate the dating game. Everyone tells me you will get married some time (how do they know what god’s plan for me is?) or your so lucky to be single because you get to have such a social life. Well I am not going to lie…it sucks. I come home to a house that is empty. i cook dinner for myself or go out with friends which is fine and great but I don’t have anyone to decompress from the day with or anyone to laugh at a tv show or discuss a book with or someone just to relax and just be silent. I don’t have someone who even if they are mad at me that they still love me and want to be with me. I am alone.

Its wonderful to see my friends find their partners in life but i can’t relate so sometimes it feels as if i have been left behind. i don’t know how it feels to be in love with someone so i can’t give advice, all i can do is listen. I feel worthless sometimes because i feel as if i have all this love that i can’t tap into or share. It’s like there is the whole different beckers that is waiting to be hatched but can’t be known yet because i haven’t start that phase. (i am tired so I don’t even know if i am making sense or not)

Lately it has been hard to explain to people how I feel. I have such joy and happieness for my friends that are getting married but it’s very hard too because i feel as if it is also my calling that i can’t fullfill at the moment.


#19

We’ve had the same experience. It’s a tough world out there I wish I knew an answer for it. :confused: :o :frowning:


#20

And what would you do with those of who haven’t removed ourselves from the pool, but who have been taken out by the men not wanting us – throw us in the trash can? :slight_smile:

OK, where do I find good Catholic men, age 50s or 60s, eligible-to-marry in the Church, looking for a lady their own age, and not concerned with physical beauty? :smiley:


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