Dating or Sticking with one


#1

I know that this question has been asked before but here I am being the one to ask it.
Is it better to date several guys and see who God has intended for you or for you when you feel that you are sure you have fallen in love only date that one person?

I don’t believe in dating just to date. I believe that if you have fallen in love than to keep that relationship and do everything that you can to make it work. I’m currently in a relationship that has become like a long-distance relationship but I love him and I will wait as long as it takes to be with him and share with him in the gift of Matrimony.

But what are other people’s views on the matter?


#2

It is my personal belief that there is nothing wrong with dating when a person is mature enough and actually ready to find a life-long spouse to spend the rest of their days on earth with. I believe that prayer should be a part of it (prayer to God that He will help you find the one He intends for you, IF marriage is your vocation) and with prayer, I believe that we must play a role in the process. Since I believe that there are very few arranged marriages in the US anymore, I believe that we should be responsible individuals when it comes to choosing a hopeful spouse and that will mean dating. Some people may find the one God intended when they first begin dating. Most will have to date more than one person in order to find that person. Throughout the ordeal, pray, and then pray some more. Marriage is a very serious vow to another person and before God. Once entered, it cannot be broken.


#3

God has someone or something (other vocation) picked out for us. If we are totally open to God, we will find the right one easily. Today, who among us is that aware? What we want, what God wants and what we think God wants is often misunderstood. Unfortunately some people can never get tuned in to what God wants and are ‘damned’ to a life of frustration.

Pray, pray and pray some more. Meanwhile, date and see where it leads you. You will know when it is right.


#4

Neither do I.

I believe that if you have fallen in love than to keep that relationship and do everything that you can to make it work.

Yup.


#5

What does “dating just to date” mean? Is this someone who you know from the outset you would have no interest in marrying, ever?:confused:


#6

I have also been wondering what people thought on this matter. I met with my spiritual director for the first time yesterday, and he thought it would be a good idea to start dating lightly just to learn how to interact better with girls and to just have that companionship, even though I told him I’m not ready for marriage.

So now I’m confused because I had always thought you should only date when you are ready to begin the marriage process…


#7

For a lady I think she has casual/friendly relationships with guys, and when she feels attracted to one she dates him and sees what happens. Through her casual contact with these guys, she quickly weeds out those that have character flaws, or she is just not physically attracted to.

This does not always mean the serious relationship will end in marriage. Often it fails, and many lessons are learned for the next time. But we sometimes forget them.

For guys? I’d be a poor one for advice based on my dating habits when I was a young man, i was kinda outta control. :blush:


#8

Apparently. It strikes me as a very natural conclusion that we shouldn’t enter into romantic relationships with someone whom we already know not to be good for us as a potential spouse.


#9

Sounds reasonable. I will just insist that going to a coffee or a dance with someone is one thing, sitting in the tree and kissing is another. The latter I don’t agree with. The former, I’d do myself.


#10

I would be an advocate of dating around. I’m sure some people can find that one person on the first try, but I think its helpful to date various people (not too many) and see what type of people you are most compatible with in a romantic way. Also, love is a hard thing to nail down. It can often by lust, and love blinds people. I feel it is very helpful to gain a good perspective on dating and marriage by dating around.


#11

I remember when I was 13 I had known a guy for about 3 years and he was 3 years older than me. We started dating and by the time 8 months had gone by I became very rebellious and practically slept with him and decided that we were going to have a child and run away. (Man was I an idiot) God sure did know what he was doing with me because a week later I went on a Steubenville Bus Trip with my youth group and God fully changed my life and gave me a whole new perspective on dating.

I don’t believe in dating in short term relationships to find another short term relationship. I feel that “I” me personally, should wait until I find someone that I get close to as a friend and see how his life is so that I can get to know him better without being tied to him, and that if the two of us develop feelings for each other than to start dating and see where it goes.
The guy that I am dating now, we have been going out a little over 7 months and care about each other very strongly. The difficulties are that we don’t get to communicate very often since the two of us are constantly busy. We thought that the summer would help with this problem but it turns out that we are going on 2 different vacations with completely different people. But we are willing to hold it out and wait. We believe that we love each other but very rarely use the words because we understand the power and bond behind them. We both want to finish school before we really begin to think about an engagement but we are very happy with each other and can’t imagine being with anyone else. This doesn’t mean that we cannot think that another person is attractive but we have no intentions on making anything out of it.:slight_smile:


#12

“Dating” should be defined. Being friends in order to get to know people is fine, and going places with those people is also fine. Doing physical sorts of things with someone when there is no commitment is simply wrong.

If there is a commitment to someone already, then you should not “date” anyone else. You can still spend time with other people, but I do not recommend spending time alone with one other guy for extended periods of time. If you are committed to this guy and love him, then you will not spend exclusive time with other guys. Being in a group of guys seems very acceptable, though.

Now if you wish to spend exclusive time with other guys, you should break off the commitment with your current boyfriend. Just think (honestly, and hard) of how you would feel if you found out he had been going out to the movies or dinner with other girls and having long talks. Those types of situations breed feelings and emotional bonding.

P.S. Love does not blind, if it is true love. It opens one’s mind to the beauty of another person and, seen in the light of reality, this person should be valued for their inherent worth. No one should ignore another person’s faults, but they should forgive them.

God bless!

Yours in Christ,
Daniel


#13

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