My good friend has divorced his wife of a year (had issues about her not open to having kids, immaturity, and she had given up long ago on the marriage). Their divorce has gone through, so it has been a while, and he has asked me out to dinner. He is not Catholic, so has not gotten an annulment or anything, is it still okay to be with him? I guess this is a silly question, but I was just looking for feedback (either positive or negative! Just honesty!)
It’s not a silly question at all. It’s a very prudent question.
At this point you have to act as if he is still married to his wife. We do not know that the marriage was invalid so for all intents and purposes of dating/remarriage he **is **married. So you can be friends but not romantically involved until he petitions the church to look at his marriage and hopefully find it null.
*I agree with Seatuck.
Also, just some words of wisdom my sister learned in dating divorced men…beware of those who claim their wives were completely to blame for the falling apart of the marriage. There’s always two stories. :o*
Thank you all for your advice!
He does blame himself for being difficult at times haha. I agree, there is always two sides to every story.
The OP has said that her friend is NOT Catholic. Therefore, waiting and hoping that he asks the church for an approved anulment, much less pressuring him to do such, is presumptuously silly, and in my opinion, completely unwarranted. If he isn’t Catholic to begin with, why should he ask the officials of a church to which he does not belong for their permission to end something they didn’t (assumedly) sanctify in the first place?
Otherwise, go out with him as a friend, and be prudent in judging when or if you’d like to have a seriously intimate relationship with this man. He’s probably in enormous emotional pain and in need of someone to “cling to” right now, and you can be that person only insofar as you see fit. I’d stick to supportively empathic friendship for a while, though.
imho as long as your relationship with him is chaste, you are probably fine. If it becomes unchaste - the sin exists regardless (even if he was never married in the first place). The issue of annulment really concerns if you intend to marry him in a lawful Catholic marriage.
I may be wrong, but I do not believe that the Church would entertain a petition for nullity involving two non-Catholics. If the OP decides to date this person and later decides to marry him, that would be different. I am not certain what the proper procedure would be.
I will put my :twocents:
Personally, I would not date a non-Catholic. Nor would I date someone who is not free to marry in the Catholic Church. I hold to the view that when one dates a person who is divorced and without an annulment, one risks committing the grave sin of adultery as the person may still be married in the eyes of the Church. Furthermore I would say that the adultery committed in not necessarily sexual, it can indeed be based on the fact the the divorced person is offering romance, something a married person can only offer their spouse, to someone other than their spouse. Thus even a chaste relationship might be adulterous.
I will also add that I, too, like Seatuck’s answer.