Dating question


#1

I met a girl on a Catholic dating site a while ago. We share many interests and I am strongly interested in her. Eventually we met for Mass. When we said goodbye I expressed, in a general way, a hope that we would see each other again, and she said that was a good idea. However, when I got in touch with her again several days later to invite her out, she politely declined, citing that she was preparing to go away for several months (she had mentioned this fact when we met), and did not have much free time. Her conclusion was that now was not a good time to pursue anything. (I also know that she was undergoing another transitional circumstance in her life, so I can understand that this might not be a good time.) However, although she didn’t give any indication of this, I am haunted by the thought that maybe this was actually a polite rejection. But I’m not sure. We only met for a very short time, and I am still interested in her. Should I get in touch with her again in the future?


#2

My suggestion would be tell her you’d like to keep in touch simply as friends, and, if once her life as settled down again, you are both still interested, pursuing things farther. I don’t know the surrounding circumstances, so I can’t say if she was politely turning you down or not. If she turns down the friend suggestion, then I would probably take that as a hint and move on.
Best of luck!


#3

Agreed. After posting on a dating site, she would seem open to a relationship. Her actions speak otherwise. She should have offered more of an explanation. This is a hint that it is time to move on and you are better off. Without knowing all the details, it seems she has “issues.”


#4

Actually, this all happened some weeks ago and we are no longer in touch at all, friends or otherwise. Maybe I will get in touch again after a while and see what happens.


#5

Woman have had to learn that all guys say ‘I’ll call you’ when he ends the date and it means nothing. The man usually has no intention of calling he just says it to not get into a big discussion.

2 can play that game. When a man tells a woman he would like to keep in touch, she most likely will say ‘great idea’ only to avoid an akward moment. It could really have meant nothing.

sorry she is not interested

CM


#6

It won’t hurt you to get in touch with her again, something could work out in the end, but I wouldn’t put too much weight on this possibility.

I don’t think she necessarily rejected you permanently, as it does seem like she’s going through a lot of stuff and is putting relationships on hold.


#7

Seems a rather cynical view, don’t you think?


#8

[quote="chiaroscuro, post:1, topic:196720"]
I met a girl on a Catholic dating site a while ago. We share many interests and I am strongly interested in her. Eventually we met for Mass. When we said goodbye I expressed, in a general way, a hope that we would see each other again, and she said that was a good idea. However, when I got in touch with her again several days later to invite her out, she politely declined, citing that she was preparing to go away for several months (she had mentioned this fact when we met), and did not have much free time. Her conclusion was that now was not a good time to pursue anything. (I also know that she was undergoing another transitional circumstance in her life, so I can understand that this might not be a good time.) However, although she didn't give any indication of this, I am haunted by the thought that maybe this was actually a polite rejection. But I'm not sure. We only met for a very short time, and I am still interested in her. Should I get in touch with her again in the future?

[/quote]

You will not know if you don't ask and the best way to ask is to ask clearly, e.g. "I would like to know, was it because the timing was not right, or was it a polite rejection?"

Don't be haunted and don't allow the problem with a girl to ruin your life. By this I'm not telling you to be insensitive, unemotional etc., but basically that you need to live on and you need to live in peace, not in chaos.


#9

Agreed I am cynical when it comes to dating. Sorry for putting a downer on your situation. But… I did want to point out that those cynical people are out there.

The truth is, I didn’t hear her tone of voice and you did. So you probably have a better take on the situation.

Please let me know if I hurt you

CM


closed #10

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