Dating site turning into wrong behaviour


#1

Hi Everyone,

I just have to post this because I need support to stick to my decision.

As I posted previously, I had a profile on a Catholic dating site. And to be honest, all I could see was my behaviour became very unhealthy (for lack of a better word).

I would spend hours sifting through profiles to see if any good looking men were on-line. Judging eveyone by appearance (because after all it is the first thing you have to go on) and leaving my computer on and coming in to check it every 20 minutes hoping someone contact me to chat.

And then, when this one guy did contact me..... well...... I just though he came across as a goof ball and just felt frustrated. Then when another guy contact me..... I felt he was kind of argumentative and had a hard time not taking the bait. What a silly thing to do ie get into an argument with a stranger over the internet

So in a nut shell, I think this whole thing was just becoming way to obsessive. Maybe others see it as a great way to meet people, I just see it as a headache. I guess in a way it is a bit like alcohol. Some people can have a beer others can't

So, in a nutshell, I hope people can help me remain strong and not go back to the site. It will be a hard habit to break, but I am sure it will be worth it.

Thanks

CM


#2

On-line dating is not for everyone and not everyone who contacts you via the internet site will be someone you are interested in getting to know.

I think the site is a good resource. I would not discount it altogether however maybe you need to "schedule" your on-line time. Allow yourself 2x a day to check your profile for messages. Lunch time and maybe after dinner...7ish? Do not obess, it will not help you meet anyone and you may come across as desperate to the men you do meet.

Pray about this. Do not make any rash decisions.


#3

Datings sites can be frustrating sometimes, but you have to make sure you're not letting fear of getting into a serious relationship hinder you. Some people, whether they realize it or not, are so afraid of relationships and and even friendships that they unconciously look for excuses to avoid them. I know from your other threads that this is something you have struggled with for many years.:hug3:
In light of that, I would think that encouraging you to step out of your comfort zone and continue meeting people on these sites would be better than encouraging you to stay way from them!
As for your behavior, the compulsion you experience to check the site every 20 minutes is the same thing that drives people to check their phone or email every few minutes. It's very common compulsion and does not actually have anything to do with dating sites in and of themselves. It's just the instant gratification we get from all forms of modern technology. Also, judging people by their appearance can happen in real life just as easily as it does online, so that too is not limited to just dating sites and I don't think it should be considered a reason to stay away from them.


#4

One reason I really like Ave Maria Singles is because it is a one time payment. There isn't pressure to meet someone ASAP. I can relate though, it can be unhealthy if you get too wrapped up in it. Good luck CM.


#5

I've tried out four dating sights so far, and all of them, including a well-known Catholic one, have been completely worthless...I'm not on any of them now, and probably won't be..I can't see actually joining and paying them good money for nothing..At 71, I think I've made up my mind not to pursue any other relationship...And I certainly wouldn't reccommend them to anybody, especially older people...


#6

I feel your pain. I've been on one for several years...mostly for the forums on that site and the many friends I've made there. At this point I'm no longer looking for a partner in life there so I put looking for friendship only in my seeking section and took my profile photo down. I do believe the internet sites do work for some. I personally know 4 couples who met and married that way but for the vast majority it's a waste of time. I'd say if you've given it a good try and nothing has happened it's probably time to close up shop so to speak and more so if it's becoming a habit to check it too frequently. :cool: There's nothing wrong with view profiles by the way as long as you aren't letting your imagination get the better of you like seeing yourself married to the person when there's been no contact or very little and only view model types. You have to be realistic. Many people on those sites aren't and are looking for a Barbie or Ken when they are nowhere near that themselves. :rolleyes::cool:


#7

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.