Chevalier, the only child dynamic isn’t just about being spoiled…
It’s about a child whose role models growing up, like a first-born, consist primarily of interaction with adults. But onlies, unlike first-borns, never have to “share” mommy and daddy’s attention. And they are the sole repository for all mommy and daddy’s hopes and dreams. That can be a blessing and burden. Though they get all mommy and daddy’s financial attention, they also have no one to share the blame, or share the attention in a good way.
While youngest may be “spoiled” financially, often having more of their parent’s disposable income at their service than older siblings, at least after the initial flood of hand-me-downs, they also don’t get the same kind of attention from their parents. Nothing they do is new (unless they are especially creative. How many first tooths can mommy wax poetic over?) and their “leadership” often comes from the older siblings detailed to babysit them. And being the tail end, everyone has left the nest by the time they graduate and do anything. They went to everyone’s games and no one goes to theirs. Oldest and onlies don’t have that trouble.
So it’s a very different set of circumstances that form the youngest. Everything an only does is wonderful, new and exciting. And they often expect that to be EVERYONE’S reaction to them in life. Plus, they’re usually raised by very uptight parents. I tell people my first child taught me pride. Wow! She’s great. I did that! I’m a great mom! The others taught me humility, as it dawned on me that no matter what I did, I couldn’t make them be just like the first one. And I slowly realized maybe I didn’t have as much to do with the firstborn’s outcome as I had once thought.
So yes, all children in a multi-child family have different parents.
I don’t treat my kids different based on birth order, I treat them different based on needs, personalities, and attitudes. One size does NOT fit all.