Dating tips for college students


#1

This may sound really stupid, but I’m clueless as to this point. I’ve never dated before, and part of me wonders if my deafness may have–not exactly “scared”–the guys away. Can anybody give me any tips on dating? See, the thing is, there’s this guy I like. (he’s Catholic). And we’re both in the same organization at my university (student government).

The first two times I met him I could hear and understand him! (I’m profoundly deaf). And he seemed to like me, by his actions (he walked me to my car, got me a pop, we had good conversations etc). But at the leadership conference, well, he sat next to me, and tried to talk to me, and I wanted to talk to him, but music was playing in the background, and that made it really hard for me to understand him, so we ended up not talking much
:frowning:

I don’t know how to go about telling people that they need to speak up, and if I don’t respond (or “fake it” with non-committal utterances like, “yeah!” ) that doesn’t mean I don’t like them. How do I tell them, let’s talk later when I can hear?’ I don’t want to hurt his feelings, or scare him off, you know?

It’s kind of a complicated question, I know. I already know to take things slow, no pressure, etc. But how do I listen without making it seem like I don’t care? (Or care too much–I have to look at his face all the time to read his lips, and that may appear too needy
:frowning: )

I will keep my mind open every time we’re at the same function/meeting. If it doesn’t develop, then fine, but if it does, then great! But he’s really nice, and it turns out his parish’s old priest who was transferred out was my parish’s new priest :wink:


#2

I think you’ve asked something similar in another thread. Until you become comfortable with the fact that you are deaf, and start explaining that to other people, you will put them off. If I was trying to have a conversation with someone and they either didn’t respond or responded with random answers that indicated they hadn’t heard what I’d said, I would assume I was getting the brush-off. If they responded with “Hey, can we talk later? I have a hearing problem and the background noise is making it difficult for me to understand you”, my response would be “No problem!”

So how do you say “Let’s talk later when I can hear you”? Exactly like that. If that scares him off, he’s not worth your time. Trust me.


#3

Just a side note.
People rarely say anything interesting.
You aren’t missing much.
Half the time I don’t listen and just gage their facial expression.
If they are smiling then they told a lame joke so you chuckle mildly.
If they have a serious face then you say “hmm” and nod, as if you are considering their point.
It works for me.:slight_smile:


#4

Deist, that’s very, very true. I’m always surprised at how much people say is meaningless. Most of the time that trick it works :slight_smile: It’s just this one instance I fear it may have put him off.

SeekerJen,
thanks so much for the perspective! I think you’re right…I didn’t think that until an hour later, I was like “oops”.:o And you’re right again…I should start making it a habit to explain. It seems like a too simple of a solution, but isn’t it said that sometimes simple solutions are the best solutions? I feel more courageous now…(I have a hard time speaking up sometimes). Your perspective really helped. Next time I meet him, and can’t understand him, I’ll say that. Which will probably be at our next senate mtg this week. Hopefully he’ll realize my mistake at the leadership conf, and realize “hey, she’s still is interested in me; it wasn’t a brush-off.”

I hope.

:slight_smile:


#5

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