Dating to find a spouse

I am currently talking/getting to know a Catholic guy at the moment, but we have not been on a date yet. However, we did make plans to go out, but it is on a weekday whch I might reschedule for the weekend. However, there are two other guys (both Catholic) that might be good guys as well. I am not a “player” and I normally like talking to just 1 guy who I am interested in, but I don’t know where it is going to go. Is it wrong to talk to more than 1, (in order to date or get to know for marriage)? And, if let’s say it is not wrong or a sin, but would it stand of the way of seeing who my true soul mate is? Would it be a distraction?

It can be wrong. It can be hurtful. Under some circumstances it may be OK.

It’s always best and simpler to date one at a time.

I would recommend dating one at a time. Pray to God for guidance. Do casual things as well. By that I mean go to a park or do something simple like meet for coffee. Just take your time and see if both of you hit it off.

A few suggestions:

  1. I know that if I want to talk to her about almost anything for a while (within appropriate bounds) and she is witty, or funny or insightful in return, that’s a good sign.

  2. As we get to know each other, we share a little history. If the way we see the world is similar, then that’s a good sign.

  3. If you’ve made it past a few dates and find him interesting, witty, kind and both of you enjoy your time together, that’s a good sign.

I think it’s important to have a few things in common. Not everything. He might like sports but you might prefer doing something else. Or he likes to read and so do you. In any case, if you find him easy to talk to and genuinely concerned if you have a problem or two come up in your life, like something work related, and he offers some helpful advice - that’s a good sign.

My last girlfriend was so compatible with me, but by the grace of God, by the time it got to the “let’s talk about getting married” phase, I asked her: “What do you expect if we got married?”

She had a list, and I would need to have been taking home 200K a year to fulfill it. And I knew in my heart that giving her less would make her quite unhappy.

I wish you the best.


Just be sure to let him know you are looking at other guys and your not going steady. Don’t get his hopes up too much. Some people expect more than they should.

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