Dating with a child


#1

Has anyone ever dealt with this before? And if you have how did you make it work with a small child (mine is 3.5)? Also how hard was it to meet someone?

Thanks in advance.


#2

My experience has been as the child in that situation, not the single parent.

From looking at both my mom and my dads’ experience, seems that middle-aged men are more willing to consider dating someone with a child than men in their twenties. Single moms are fairly common now. That isn’t a deal-breaker for a lot of men.

Good luck!


#3

In case of a widow, a man will love to hear her story and testimony of love. The best way to start a conversation during a date.

In case you are not a widow, but a single mother through rape, fornication or divorce:
Isn’t that adultery? I would never date a woman that has already been married in the flesh.
It is a sin to date a woman in this situation. The pagans do such things just like the protestants.
In this situation you should stay a single mother and you can enter a third religious order for the support of your child’s upbringing. The church offers many options to a christian upbringing of your child. For your own consolation, Jesus will open pathways that bring you joy in reward of your faithfulness to him. I have seen single, happy catholic mothers, that have the support of the religious community. Many children end up entering religious life after all. Hand your child into the hands of Mary, the spiritual Mother of all Christians.
What is born of the flesh is flesh, of the spirit is spirit. I pray for you.

As Catholics we must live the teachings of Christ, otherwise we are no Christians, but hypocrites.


#4

Emphasis mine. While much of the advice you give is caring and good in and of itself, the assumptions you make (like the fact that you have not addressed any possibility that the OP could have an annulled marriage, for example) lend a distinctly cold and clinical tone to your overall post that I would find hurtful, were I the OP.

Just something to ponder.


#5

Here’s hoping the Church one day comes up with a seventh sacrament that allows people to seek forgiveness for their sins.


#6

I lack words. All I can say is that your post is troubling.


#7

Uh, no it’s not.


#8

I agree. That is the law. Nevertheless a hardened heart against the father of the child is sinful and more harming. A foster father, that is purely dedicated to the child’s upbringing in place of the real father can only be a chaste and deeply spiritual person like St. Joseph.

Explaining to what I mentioned by
"In case you are not a widow, but a single mother through rape, fornication or divorce":
It is adultery, when a woman seeks relationship with a man after being married in the flesh already with another.

The church cannot nullify a marriage in flesh, because the child is, thanks be to God, alive and the bond between the man and the woman. This bond can not be broken. The church can nullify a marriage with no children involved. Otherwise what God has put together can not be pulled apart.

The best way for women in this situation is to seek a closer relationship with the church, which will bring joy to the mother and the child. The mother can join a religious third order and seek fostering help from the religious congregation. The best foster father is the church. The best way to discern on this subject is to pray, go to confession, go to mass. I have been through it, not as a woman, but as a man. Recently, the society of St Pius X embraces such third order members, although they still have a lot of work to do.

The goal is to save souls, including my own, from hell. Some just hate the truth.


#9

You are making way too much assumptions about someone you don’t know. And that’s problematic!


#10

Goodness gracious me, there is not much that is Christ-like in your response. If the OP is a ‘single mother through rape, fornication or adultery’, would ‘rape’ be*** her*** fault? What a terrible insinuation! She would be blameless in such a situation. If she is a single mother through ‘fornication’, have you never heard of the sacrament of confession? All children are a gift from God, and I hope this OP practises her faith and raises her child in the church, and hopefully meet a good Catholic man who will marry her and raise her child with the same love St Joseph showed to his foster son! Though with attitudes such as you display, I don’t hold out much hope for her chances.


#11

OP: Please let’s get our priorities straight before proceeding any further!!

Not only will he have to like children but he MUST like horses especially. :thumbsup:


#12

Thank You! I cant believe he says she shouldnt seek for a life partner if she was raped, had the child through fornication or adultery! Jesus gave us the opportunity to realise our sins, confess and come to him. The OP has every right to seek a new partner and carry on with her life!!!


#13

Hi, I don’t want to depress you, but I think the attitude displayed by the poster *andreashofer’ is one that is very common among Catholic men. They are inclined to see single mothers as ‘damaged goods’ and wouldn’t dream of dating one. This is regardless of how many sins of the flesh they may have committed themselves, and regardless of the fact that you may have confessed your sins, been absolved, and are a good Catholic doing your best to raise your child.

I would proceed very carefully and get to know any man very slowly to find out what his deeply held attitudes really are, not just for your own protection but more specifically for the protection of your child. You do not want to end up married to a man who thinks your child is ‘less’ than any children you might go on to have together, or that your child was ‘a child of sin’ (something I have heard Catholic men say:shrug:). Most Catholic families would also not want their son to marry a single mother, and you could experience big problems with prospective inlaws too.

I’m sorry this is such a negative answer but I think you need to be aware. ‘Let he among you who is without sin cast the first stone’ seems to be a teaching lost on a lot of Catholics! I really do wish you the best and hope that you will meet a lovely truly Christian man but I don’t think it will be easy. Pray and put it in God’s hands and get on with raising your child well and in the love and knowledge of Jesus Christ. You are doing a very difficult job alone and you need to be strong and steadfast.

The irony in the judgemental way that male Catholics often treat single mothers is that they do not even recognise that you have chosen the right path in your circumstances eg when you found yourself pregnant, you did not opt for an abortion but took responsibility for your actions and knew that your child’s life was more important than your reputation. I salute you and will keep you both in my prayers.*


#14

I don’t have experience in this area, but I just want to say how sorry I am that your thread became a debate in a side issue with posters making judgments without any information. I really hate it when that happens here on CAF! Sometimes people feel that they just have to respond to a topic although they have nothing helpful to impart and their post takes the thread OT. I hope I am not guilty of it, because it sure can get annoying for the OP! It stirs up all sorts of problems and there can be pages and pages of OT debating, meanwhile the original question or subject languishes while everyone gets distracted by OT debating.

I hope your thread stays on topic now. My advice is to proceed very, very carefully. I am going to assume that you have an annulment or that you are a widow or never married. Please do not spend a lot of your time pursuing male attention to the detriment of your child. Dating with a young child can put the child into difficult situations if you introduce your dates only to have them leave your lives soon after. Or, worse, after the person has bonded with your child. :frowning:

I am going to suggest that you don’t date until your child is out of the house, age 18. I know, a lot of people really feel that is beyond the pale, but from listening to shows like Dr. Laura’s radio talk show, I agree with her that a parent’s primary job is to raise the child(ren) and then you can have your own life again. JMO.

p.s. The highest child abuse statistics come from the mother’s boyfriend.


#15

I agree. I had a child out of wedlock when I was young, I know this is really hard to believe but God actually forgave me of that sin. Mind blowing isn’t it? I hope the poster crawls back down from the high horse they are sitting on–and remember, not everyone who posts on here is Catholic. The arrogance and eternal condemnation I read on this thread is not just her, this goes on all over these threads and I pray it stops soon. God forgives sin, flat out. So away with the judgement and condemnation. Just because you chained a man to your side doesn’t mean the rest of us have and maybe we would like to meet someone to share our faith-filled life with or are we damned forever? I have an annulled marriage by the way.

Now where were we? To the OP: I would be careful about dating with a small child. Sadly there are a lot of predators out there, but I have seen it work out very well for some friends of mine. I wouldn’t introduce your child to anyone unless you start getting really serious to avoid confusion and your child being hurt if they get close and you break up. Children get confused easy about relationships and better to keep them out of the equation until you are more certain and can gauge if the man is a good guy to be around your child. Put it all in God’s hands and you will be blessed; married or single. God bless you.

Lorrie


#16

I MISSED THIS…ARE YOU SAYING IT’S A SIN TO BE RAPED???

I’m reporting your post, you are out of line.


#17

Since this is an all or nothing pile of crud you’re proposing this would encourage a lot of young women to have abortions to avoid your holier than thou condemnation. Nice job.


#18

Well, I dont agree with the above. What if the OP is 50 years old when the child turns 18?? It will be extremely difficult to find a partner at that age. It´s true that most abuses come from the foster parent or mothers´ boyfriend but we shouldnt take a decision on such an outcome.
She could also meet someone who loves the child and who can play a good parental role.
Let´s leave everything in Gods hands and hope for the best!


#19

This is good advice, although it may not be what you hoped to hear! And I do speak from experience, having raised both my children alone now for over 15 years. Your best bet is to forget about men and concentrate on raising your child. I don’t date at all, and now my boys are 20 and 15 and I receive so many compliments for the lovely young men they have grown into, we have a happy family and as they got older I studied at postgraduate level and was able to work full time. It’s not easy, but you will feel so proud when your child is grown and you realise how well you have done, with God’s help. You may meet a lovely Catholic man while you are getting on with your life, or you may not. But your child has to always be your priority.


#20

That is not at all what the Church teaches. A marriage may still be found to be invalid and a Decree of Nullity may still be attained even if a couple has one or more children.


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