hello about a year ago my wife’s daughter died in car wreck…leaving three kids behind 2,4,and 10 year old.My wife weighs 90 pound and would not hurt a fly.The other grand mother is overbearing bossy person.now the son in law wont let us see the kids because he said he never liked my wife s family.One of my wifes other daughter got hooked on drugs and we are now foster parents to her kids 1 and.8 the state checked us out before we could become foster grand parents so there is nothing wrong with us or our household to keep the other kids away.I think we should take the son inlaw to court. but wife afraid to. what can we do.
You can check to see if in your state you have any legal rights as grandparents, and then decide whether you want to pursue them. No one here can tell you what to do–that is a decision you have to make after examining your options.
Dale, it appears that there are many grandparents in this situation who have no effective recourse when the parent refuses to allow visitation, and in many cases, laws don't yet exist to guarantee the possibility.
I am sad for you and your wife and for other grandparents who are separated from the possibility of interacting with their grandparents.
Hopefully the children will choose to make contact with you when they are old enough to make that decision, or your son-in-law will relent.
My sympathy and prayers for the loss of your daughter,
and of access to her children.
If this hasn't been done already, I would contact the son in law and ask him to allow you to visit with the children on his terms. If it means meeting at a park, or going to see them at their house without the foster kids (is there a concern about the influence of the children from the dysfunctional situation?), I'd be willing to bend quite a bit, even to seemingly unfair demands, to have the chance to be in their life just a little bit. I would hope that appealing to the idea that it is good for children to have grandparents in their lives that love them, he might be willing to make some guidelines. Or just laying out your sorrow at missing your daughter and grandchildren. Or maybe you can ask him (perhaps in the form of a letter, to avoid a heated conversation) to tell you what he is concerned about. Could it be conversation topics that they have heard in your home, exposure to something else he doesn't like? Perhaps with that information, you can make an agreement with him?
Has there ever been any conflict between your son-in-law and you or your wife? What was your relationship like before your step-daughter's death?
My MIL does not like me because she hates the fact that someone else takes precendence in her children's lives. She is very hostile and blows up at everything (she is mentally ill) and any and all contact with her has been emotionally draining and very stressful. If my husband were to die, the last thing I would want is to ever see her again. I don't care that she's my kid's grandmother - I never knew either of my grandmothers, so the relationship between a grandmother and her grandkids has no meaning for me.
Your son-in-law might have similar feelings. If you've never quite accepted him or have had arguments and conflicts with him in the past, he is not likely to want to see you again. If you two had a normal in-law relationship before the tragedy, I don't see any reason why he would refuse contact. In fact, he might want to see you even more because you are a living connection to his deceased wife. Something must have happened between you three.