My heart is so heavy right now I could die. My eyes burn from crying all night. My married daughter dropped a bomb shell on me last night, on her birthday no less. that she’s seperating from her husband of 5 years because she believes she’s gay. Maybe I’m just a broken hearted mother in denial but I truly think it’s the company she’s been keeping. My son thinks this as well. She had started playing softball and bowling this last year and with that began going to bars and staying out all hours. She is 27 and married young to an older man: 16 years difference. They seemed happy to me. They have a 3 year old daughter. He gave up a job he loved to move back to her hometown so she could be closer to us (her family). He will do anything for her, even now…he’s absolutely devastated. I know of more than a couple of women who thought at one point that they were gay, only to end the lesbian relationship to go back to dating and/or marrying a man. I think she’s confused. Please help…
I’m really sorry. I’m praying for you all.
www.couragerc.net Go there there is a lot of information and a list where you can get support from people in the same situation.
Big Hugs to you. This is hard for you and hard for her too. You might want to find out what kinds of support groups there are out there for family members in your situation. (good ones, of course).
You also have our prayers here on CAF and so does your daughter and her family.
It doesn’t matter if she is attracted to women or men.
She has made her choice. She has a family.
She needs to be gently told that she needs to follow through on the choice she has already made.
Thank you with all of my heart.
I appreciate your kindness more than you know.
I am so sorry for your pain.
My ex-boyfriend from high school, well, his sister, very involved in women’s softball, etc, came home lesbian one day, out of the blue. Moved in with a woman and everything, it lasted about a year and as far as I know, she’s not gay anymore. Saying all of this to maybe give you some hope and agree with you that she is probably confused, especially by the influences of lesbians that she is hanging around with…
All you can do is pray.
I will pray as well.
Have you talked to your daughter about what her intentions were when she married? Love is not just about attraction or desire…it is sacrificial…it is an act of the will. Love does not have you hanging out in bars all night when you are a mother.
Your words are of great comfort to me. I’m hoping and praying that this is the case with my daughter, and that she comes out of what ever is taking her over before she loses everything that she once held so dear.
Talk to your daughter. This “didn’t come out of the blue” for her. If she is gay, then she’s probably been struggling with this issue for years. Probably from high school.
There are practical matters to deal with, such as the child, but the first step will be to communicate with her. And not in a “you’re going to Hell” fashion. Listen to her story. I’m sure she has one.
I thank you for your thoughts. But I have to say that I have talked to her and she said she has been feeling this way since HS. Ok so now what? What happens to her husband? Her daughter? I also believe that if she had come to me during her marriage and said I feel like something is wrong in that I’m attracted to women. I would have paid attention and been more sympathetic. But it just seems as if she’s been recruited. I don’t know how else to explain it. You’d have to know my daughter I guess. Her husband told me she assured him it would be fine getting married even though he was concerned about the age difference. So he proposed because he said she seemed so mature and secure with the idea. Now he’s just so confused. As am I.
I just want to say I’m sorry, and my prayers are with you and your whole family. We went through something like this with my sister who left her husband (though I think that would have happened anyway) and pretty much left the care of her two then-teenage children to my retired parents, who lived with the family.
With my sister, it was soccer that started taking up all of her time. My parents, very staunch Catholics, were devastated, and my mom (strong willed Irish woman!) gave her a piece of her mind, which didn’t help anything. My elderly dad still doesn’t understand it, but has a relationship with her. Thanks to my parents, her two kids didn’t go off the deep end and get into trouble; their dad, though a nice enough guy, was very ineffectual.
I know all too well how hard this is, and I can’t give you any guarantees. We felt my sister was at a rebellious stage (a little late!) and had been “recruited”, too, though, who knows? Again, I’ll be praying for all of you.
Thank you so much for your prayers and concern. Life is just so incredibly hard sometimes isn’t it? I’m so confused as to why this happens. My mind goes back and forth trying to figure it all out. Wondering does God really make people like this? And if not, why would anyone in their right mind want to live this way?
My question to you is: how long ago did this happen and is she still living this way?
I am a member of the Encourage group, a Catholic organization for parents and siblings of those with ssa. I strongly encourage you to sign up with this group (it’s an online support group) as you will find MANY parents in the same situation as your own. In addition, you will get only support and good suggestions as to how to proceed. There is no debate or argument about the issue itself, as those who join are all striving for the same goal: to see their loved ones saved from a life of sin.
Thank you so much for this website, it looks terrific…but what does SSA stand for?
SSA stands for same sex attractions. I am a member of Courage, myself. I have a family and a loving home, but I still struggle with these attractions, just like any other temptations. I would see if there is a way you can encourage her to join a Courage support group. Much of the issue may be that she feels this women understand her, since they are lesbians and she feels she is. She needs to know there are people out there who understand her, who relate to what she is going through, but are also living chastely and according to God’s will (or trying, which is all any of us can do.) Implore her to think of her daughter, as well.