Daughter thinks she is Bi


My daughter is twelve, and has told me she Bi. I honestly and am not sure. She doesn’t even like to see people kissing, and has no desire to kiss anyone yet. I did tell her I love her, she was scared I would hate her. But I said it was a sin and she said she knew that. After she talked to her dad turns out she has a girlfriend and now says she is gay. Came home from school today and she had drawn the Bi symbol and a rainbow heart. I don’t know what to do. I am afraid of her rebelling if I am like you can’t see this girl. But she is twelve, how do explain she has to live under my ethical and moral standards, and what the church preaches about dealing with Same Sex Attraction and not drive her way? Also we live in a very small very conservative town and I fear for her for those reasons as well. Not that violence would come to her but losing friends and name calling etc.


Praying for you and for her.

Our Father
Hail Mary
Glory Be


For what it’s worth, it’s very possible, perhaps even likely, that this is a phase. This is the age when teenagers start looking to carve out an identity. It’s possible she has some attraction to girls, but it’s also true that at her age her hormonal compass is spinning like it’s in the Bermuda Triangle. This may resolve itself with time.


Claiming that you are gay or bi is trendy among teens and preteens. I wouldn’t be surprised if she is getting it from her friend group.

I would tell her that 1. she is too young to date and 2. she should not be declaring sexuality at such a young age. She will go through all sorts of feeling from now until adulthood and she might end up regretting pidgeon holing herself so early.


I’m no expert but here’s a little podcast with some information on it.


It has as a guest the writer Daniel Mattson who seems like an expert on the topic.

I suggest giving it a listen and keeping in constant prayer.


A lot of kids that age do things to get a rise out of their parents and other adults.

We never said we were homosexual back when I was a kid, we sniffed glue and smoked cigarettes, drank beer.

But the issue is still the same, kids staking out their own autonomy, and they know this kind of thing really cheeses adults off.


I am guessing that she goes to public school? Homosexuality is portrayed as trendy by popular society today. Christians need to counter the pagan culture.


I had that thought as when I asked why she drew that on her wrist. Her response was because I can. I didn’t really respond. But that is where I am torn. Do I ignore it or do I lay down the law? I am not sure what is best


I knew I was most definitely attracted to guys at her age. I would guess that she’s describing a genuine experience, not a fad.

You said, “It’s a sin,” but that’s not true. Being gay isn’t a sin, and it’s not even clear that it’s a sin for a 12-year-old girl to have a girlfriend (they probably won’t be “having sex” anyway. It’s romantically tinged sleepover stuff, and healthy children this age have sort-of-semi-romances with the same sex anyway). Sexual immorality is sin. YOU need to be clear that that is the relevant sin, and SHE needs to be clear about that. Calling herself “gay” isn’t a big deal.


What sort of access to the internet does she have?


If being gay or bi is so trendy, why did a third of students who identified as LGBT in a national CDC survey of 15,000 students published in August 2016 report that they had been bullied? And according to the same survey, these students were twice as likely to have been threatened or injured with a weapon on school property and were much more likely to have skipped school because they didn’t feel safe. And more than 40% of them reported that they had considered suicide. It doesn’t sound that trendy to me.


Yes she does go to public school. My husband and I have talked about pulling her out and putting her in the Catholic school 40 minutes away. He thinks that is extreme and is worried about money. I did enroll her in the youth group at our church to expand her friend circle


I don’t see the contradiction. Kids have gotten bullied for doing drama for AGES, but drama’s still trendy at many schools.


She has a phone but we monitor what she views through her history and we have that background teen secure app. That sends us the info. I need to be clear my desire is not change her if is, but to make sure she doesn’t make choices she regrets later and guide with what the church teaches but not in away that pushes her to rebel.


That’s wonderful. There’s nothing wrong with hoping (for her sake) that this goes away; that’s a good desire. But communicating to her that her unchosen desires are a problem would probably hurt her. If you keep lines of communication very open, you’ll come to understand her experience better and better. She needs to understand that you WANT to know all about her, good parts and not-so-good parts. You want her to feel completely safe.

If she does feel safe, she will nevertheless make mistakes. That’s got to be something you allow for. Your role, as I see it, is to protect her eyes, protect her body, protect her time, and to protect her from her own curiosity. Temptation will come, however, and we parents just can’t control whether our kids fall. Prayer is certainly key.


If being LGBT wasn’t trendy, there wouldn’t be a thing called “rapid-onset gender dysphoria.” Brown university had to suppress a study on it because it’s findings were too inconvenient for some.

Also, I don’t know about guys, but things LBGT are very popular among preteen and teen girls. I’ve seen it in my high school where being gay or bi was trendy for a girl and gay male romances were fetishized.


Being gay might not be a sin in the Catholic Church, but some Catholics still consider it to be a mental illness. Here’s what Deacon Jim Russell had to say in an article that came out on September 6, 2018 at The Catholic World Report:

The homosexual condition is a psychological deficit that has a psychological genesis. In plain terms it is a “mental illness,” but plain terms aren’t always the best terms, and I understand that. “Mental illness,” for some people, evokes images of someone truly crazed, deeply unstable, etc. But there is a vast spectrum of diagnoses of “mental illness” that ought not to carry such stigma. It’s just that no one is willing to make important distinctions like this in regard to “sexual minorities.”

Until Catholics in great numbers stop pretending that having a homosexual inclination is merely one way of being a healthy, normal human person, and that all the Church requires is “no homosexual sex acts,” the lie will continue to win every time.


I don’t agree with him, of course. I have ADHD and I don’t even consider that to be a “mental illness”.


She is twelve.

If she’s still insisting on this when she is 16, then it’s time to be concerned.

FWIW a lot of girls at 12, 13, 14 go through a phase of being attracted to their close girlfriends. The boys at that age haven’t caught up, and the girls aren’t mature enough to be dating the boys a couple years older. Hormones run amok, it’s a confusing time. I went through this and so did my girlfriends. If you ever read the Diary of Anne Frank, there’s some examples in there of Anne feeling very attracted to her girl friends during sleepovers. Of course within a couple years, nature took its course and Anne fell in love with a boy. And by the time my friends and I were 15 and 16, we were in love with boys too.


This is also true. Every third video these days is promoting bisexuality. It’s trendy.


@Sheila82 I wouldn’t jump to any conclusions just yet. Generally girls in that age don’t realistically think about relationships. It does seem your daughter has been exposed to some influences in school (or TV, or wherever) and is parroting those ideas as she thinks about herself, I have seen/heard the same with older girls and it turns out to be nothing.

Again, I don’t think a child that age should have contact with pro-LGBT propaganda, because it comes with some trickery and goes to lengths at promoting itself. And I’ll caution you there are some CAF’ers that being LGBT will reproduce some agenda heavy captious rhetoric. I’d say, dealing with a 12 year old, you might as well disregard the LGBT lobby. There are catholic parents here that have plenty of expertise on the matter should it be necessary.

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