Dazed and Confused


#1

I could use some help here. I am Catholic but my wife is not. She has no desire to be Catholic or even go to a Catholic church (she doesn’t do this in a mean or crass way). We have been going to a non-denom. church for quite some time, and we both really enjoy it. Yet I am really missing, for lack of a better expression, being Catholic. I really long to hear my wife say “okay, let’s do it”, but I’m scared I never will. Any suggestions? I could use some help and encouragement and advice.


#2

[quote="reteeks21, post:1, topic:224132"]
I I really long to hear my wife say "okay, let's do it", but I'm scared I never will. Any suggestions? I could use some help and encouragement and advice.

[/quote]

you don't say, but if you are not attending Mass and receiving the sacraments you are not going to convince her or anyone else of the truth and value of the Catholic Faith. If you are, keep on doing it, and make it your mission to give her the best example of a Catholic husband, father and man she has ever seen. That includes also being active in the parish life and apostolates of your Catholic parish, which will become even more critical should she ever change her mind, since she will need a supportive faith community to replace her current one.


#3

Hello everyone.
reteeks21 I'm not good in relationships so I won't give any advise. I well however pray for the both of you for guidence.
As for being a catholic. I would have not stop going to mass, I love being a catholic to much for me to stop. God bless
jesus g


#4

Disclaimer : My life is far from perfect and people should keep this in mind before they take any advice I might offer…

There… That out of the way, I would say that if you find a Mass schedule that allows you to attend Mass while still going to the non-denom service, then you can “be Catholic” just fine. Also this would likely start a conversation as to why you don’t find what you’re looking for in the non-denom service and what you get from a Mass. Perhaps if your wife sees that you find great value in the Mass she’d be more inclined to at least take a look… Or maybe not… But you’d still “be Catholic” again. If the Eucharist has the same impact on your life as it has on mine I’d bet your wife will be very curious about where you’re getting all that “spare Grace” you’ll be filled with.

God bless and come on back!

Mike


#5

[quote="reteeks21, post:1, topic:224132"]
I could use some help here. I am Catholic but my wife is not. She has no desire to be Catholic or even go to a Catholic church (she doesn't do this in a mean or crass way). We have been going to a non-denom. church for quite some time, and we both really enjoy it. Yet I am really missing, for lack of a better expression, being Catholic. I really long to hear my wife say "okay, let's do it", but I'm scared I never will. Any suggestions? I could use some help and encouragement and advice.

[/quote]

If you have no children,I would suggest getting the marriage annulled. There's going to be fighting between the 2 of you on whether the Children will be go to a Christian Church or a Catholic one.


#6

I would never give up my Catholic faith, with the Sacraments (especially Jesus' Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity in the Eucharist!), for some non-denominational, feel-good, back-slapping, hand-shaking, although "well-meaning" group. How could I trade Jesus in for something as superficial as that?

Here's the game plan, m'man:

  1. Go to Confession for missing Mass (if you have), and any other sins you may have committed.

  2. Start going to Mass every weekend, even if it's anticipated Mass on Saturday evening.

  3. Start praying the Rosary daily.

  4. Pick a day out and fast for your wife (and family?).

  5. Live your life in the state of Sanctifying Grace.

  6. THEN, offer her to go with you on Saturday evenings to anticipated Mass.

7.. Finally, stop going to non-denominational services. You should be spending your time studying the Catholic faith. You're probably like millions of other Catholics in this country who have been "short-changed" with regard to learning your faith. CCD for a long time now has stood more for "Color, Cut, and Draw" than "Confraternity of Christian Doctrine."

If your state in life permits, you can also begin learning more about your faith through audio files. I commute about 80 minutes/day each way. So, I made some CD's from some great Catholic audio talks that I found on the web for free. You can also use an MP3 player or iPod/iPad, etc., or just play 'em on your PC, if you want.

Here's a few links to get started, if you're interested. Maybe your wife would like to listen, too. She is in a place, probably, where she doesn't know what she doesn't know. That's why she really has no interest in the Catholic Church.

alabamacatholicresources.com/Catechism.html (50 talks by Bishop Sheen!)

alabamacatholicresources.com/Fr_John_Corapi.html (start with "Catholic Church - Part 1 - 6")

God bless! :)


#7

Out of interest, I'm an RCIA sponsor and so am asking this question.

You have "Confirmed Catholic on 12/19/09" in your heading.

Are you attending Mass now alone and also attending with your wife at her non denominational church?


#8

[quote="Scoobyshme, post:6, topic:224132"]
I would never give up my Catholic faith, with the Sacraments (especially Jesus' Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity in the Eucharist!), for some non-denominational, feel-good, back-slapping, hand-shaking, although "well-meaning" group. How could I trade Jesus in for something as superficial as that?

[/quote]

Are you saying that anyone that is not Catholic is not saved?


#9

I would go to Catholic Mass alone (go to confession if that is needed because you have been away) and go every Sunday to meet your obligation, , but also go with your spouse to the other service as much as you can. . Attend both. I know there are people who are going to say you should not attend the other denominational service because it has the potential to pull you away, and there is much truth in that, but you have the interest of your husband and his faith journey and your marital relationship to consider, but make sure you know and understand your Catholic faith. Make a total comittment to it. ,. I know this is a lot of church, but you and your spouse need to stay connected and you need to follow your conscience. . But you go to Catholic Mass alone so you are not denying your connection in your heart and head to the Catholic faith. I would invite your spouse to come with you to Catholic Mass , but do not get angry if he says no. Answer his questions as to why you are going to Catholic Mass if he has any. If you don't know the answer, then research it , get back to him. This will help you in your journey as well. But do not deny your own head and heart in this. Eventually and it will probably take awhile he may come more and more with you /.

I had the exact same problem. I had for many years attended my husband's church , but began to realize I was in the wrong place. I began to be miserable and depressed over it, but the more I read, thought , prayed, I knew I needed to go back to the Catholic Church. This is what I did,. I went to confession and I told him , I was returning and why. I began to attend Catholic services by myself., went every Sunday, but went with him too whenever I could. At first, he was no so happy about my desire to be in the Catholic church because he felt we should go to church together as we had always done in the past. but began to respect my commitment. I always made Sunday Mass no matter what. Internally I was at peace because I was attending Catholic mass which was where my head and heart told me I should be, but I went with him to his service to stay connected to him. I invited him to come with me to Catholic Mass. . He began, out of respect for me, to attend Catholic mass because some Sundays the schedule did not allow me to attend both or HE did not want to go twice but he wanted to be with me . Many Sundays we went to both. It sure generated a lot of discussions about religion!! This actually deepened his faith, and he began to ask many questions. Again, do not deny your conscience. That will make you miserable. Do not abandon your husband. He needs you. That is my advice.


#10

oops, I said husband in my post . I mean wife.!!! sorry


#11

I thank you all for the advice. You've said many things that spoke to me.

But I also have to say that the church my wife and I attend is not a back-slapping, feel good church. In fact, it is quite the opposite. And the last thing I will do is annul my marriage. I married her for better or worse. But having said that, I am still very appreciative for all your suggestions.


#12

Keep on going to Mass. Pray for your wife. Pray the Rosary. Pray and then Pray some more.

Don't give up.

I just watched a show on EWTN last week and the husband was Catholic and it took 20 years, but eventually his wife joined him. Hopefully it won't take that long, but don't give up.

I agree with some of the others, that if you want your wife to respect you and believe that you care about her, that you will continue to go to church with her as well. I wouldn't take communion, if they have it, but I would attend with her.

Perhaps, she will attend with you, for the same reason. Out of love and respect.

Maybe see if you can get her to read Rome Sweet Home.

Above all things, go to Mass regularly and Pray.


#13

[quote="Alisha1990, post:5, topic:224132"]
If you have no children,I would suggest getting the marriage annulled.

[/quote]

On what grounds would the OP pursue a decree of nullity? You seem to have a lack of knowledge about what the Church teaches on marriage.

Perhaps you should learn more before you post random things that have nothing to do with the thread.

[quote="Alisha1990, post:5, topic:224132"]
There's going to be fighting between the 2 of you on whether the Children will be go to a Christian Church or a Catholic one.

[/quote]

The Catholic Church is a Christian church. It is the Christian church, in fact.


#14

[quote="reteeks21, post:11, topic:224132"]
I thank you all for the advice. You've said many things that spoke to me.

But I also have to say that the church my wife and I attend is not a back-slapping, feel good church. In fact, it is quite the opposite. And the last thing I will do is annul my marriage. I married her for better or worse. But having said that, I am still very appreciative for all your suggestions.

[/quote]

You are right - and that poster was out of line especially since your wife and you are not "at odds" about this. You should however be going to the Catholic Church for Mass. You can still go to service with your wife but you cannot take part in communion if you are doing so. Were you married before you came to the Catholic Church? How did she take your conversion? If she is supportive of your conversion than pray for hers but don't push - pushing can often just push away. God bless you and your comittment to both the Church and your wife. :thumbsup:


#15

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