Dead Beat father and gifts


My step daughter dad is a medicated psychopath and we have recently had to get restraining orders for me and my mom. My wife has never been good at standing up to him but has tried as of late and went through with appearing in court and testifying against him.

He had been calling and cussing me and her out. He was supposed to split fathers day with us and we were going to drop her off (shes 6) at his house hafter we went to the movies. In the morning he agreed to it. When we left the theatre there were nasty messages on my wifes phone and when we told him we were not going to bring her over he went nuts and came over our house and stood outside. We all left and called police and he proceeded to go to my moms house, whom he does not even know, and htreatened to punch her in the face. We both obtained peace orders against him.

My wife told him to go away until he got himself straight. He supposedly went out of state to his grandmas and came back a few weeks later.

Here is my ?. He has not paid child support in 8 months and has lost his lisence and now his job because of it. I dont think he should ever see her until he apologizes and starts acting mature and decent to all involved.

However my wife has agreed to let her go to his house as long as his sister agrees to be there with her. I dont trust any of them They all enable his crazy behavior which includes high speed police chases, arrests, fights, drugs, getting kicked out of the pool for splashing the guards and not stopping after being asked to repeatedly( hes 27)…etc…

She went today and came home with his IPOd shuffle, an expensive music player. I dont think he should be giving any gifts until he pays up his support. I dont like him getting credit for being a great dad until he is one. I dont want her to have a twisted view of him.

Am I wrong?


Now that she has the gifts I think it would only confuse and upset her to have them taken away considering she is only 6. If he is getting arrested and making violent threats, etc. I don’t think it would be safe to leave a child in his care. I don’t know much about family law, but I would talk to a lawyer about getting him declared an incompetent or unsafe parent or whatever it took to make sure he is not around this little girl anymore to potentially harm her. There are too many news reports these days about little children abducted or killed by non-custodial parents. It sounds like he’s capable of that.


I agree I wouldn’t take it from her. Youd be surprised what it took to get the peace orders against him The judge made me out to be the bad guy for wasting the courts time because I did not know how to testify properly. Even though it was the police officers idea to just run up to the court house right then and petition the court. The judge belittled me, and that officer, who wasn’t there but called him incompetent. It was surreal.

My wife has always had the fear that we would go back to court and some nasty judge would give the father more time than he has now, which is every other sunday and every wednesday. Every lawyer we spoke until the one we hired had told us once you reopen the case anything can happen. He can come in and say you do terrible things and its he said she said. It is terrifying. We both hope and pray something happens to snap him out of his insanity

The system is broken and the truth has nothing to do with justice in this system. They come at it as if all are lying and all are broken and they really dont care to do the right moral thing for the child. Its like thecriminals have more rights in this state than the victims. But that is classic liberalism. maryland.


you have a restraining order against him but the court has agreed on him having visitation rights for holidays? does not compute. why would any of the adults involved allow this child to have any contact with this man if his condition is as you describe? the family is willing to put the child in harm’s way to get expensive gifts? and this is teaching her . . .


It is scary some of the things courts allow in custody cases. I have a cousin whose ex is so scary that the social workers refuse to testify against him, because of the threats he has made. He doesn’t pay child support, makes (?) the children watch porn, calls the cops on he ex, stalked her when she left, by placing a GPS device under her car, etc. Even the children’s school has a restraining order against him. The social workers, the cops, and just about everyone agree he is a “bad” guy and should not even have visitation, except for the judge by whose rulings give him more time with the children and less child support payments (even though he doesn’t even pay what is owed) and can only be described as willfully ignorant and an extreme miscarriage of justice. :mad::frowning:

I pray for all people dealing with such hardships.


You need a good lawyer, if you can afford one… Does he have any medical diagnosis that would be a concern? It sounds like he might.
Try not to say anything bad about him in front of the little girl. As crazy as he is, that is still her daddy and she might think there is something wrong with her too, since someone like that is her dad. Save all of the recordings when he leaves you messages. Write down dates and times that he calls and what he says, just in case you need to remember in the future.
These are some of the toughest situations, I really sympathize with you. I know you will do your best to handle the situation.


Get a good lawyer, document everything - bring every police report in to the judge documenting his behavior. In some states unpaid child support in itself can lead to a termination of parental rights.


I understand your dilema, all too well. You have stated all the reasons why I stayed in the marriage from "he** longer than I normally would have. As long as I was marriad to the maniac I was able to protect my son. Once divorced, the court would give him visitation and he would be left alone with a diagnosed bi-polar, narcissist that resented his own child. Well, I would not allowed that and so I waited until my son was old enough to tell the court in his own words why he was so very frightened of his father. We then got restraining orders and so did the school to protect him from his dad while there.

Since he has communicated threats to you, your wife, and to your Mother, all of you should have restraning orders against him. You will need all this documentation to bring to court. Police reports are also very helpful otherwise you will have a he said/she said scenerio.

That judge you were in front of needs to be exposed and you need to raise a ruckuss and not allow this judge to put another child in harms way by giving an unstable parent unsupervised visitation.

Have you been back to court about him being in arrears and communicationg threats. Bring as much documentation with you. You must file police reports—you just can’t walk into court and SAY he said these things. You have to have proof and documentation so police reports are very helpful.

Above all, do not cower from him. He needs to be exposed. I also was told that I would need a good lawyer and honestly, that is an oxymoron if ever there was one.


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