I have been a lurker for sometime and I am now a signed up member as I often find myself wanting to post.
I am adopted and I was abused both prior to the adoption (phys,sex,ment) in ways undescribable to a child under 7 and I was then sexually abused daily/weekly by my adoptive father until the age of 15.
I was wondering where to go for help - I have tried priests, counselling and a psychiatriast ( I have been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder and OCD). I was extremely open in sessions about what I have endured as I have accepted it - it happened its in the past end of accept that I cant stop thinking about it not that I can remember it entirely its like it happened to someone other than me and I just watched it. I am 25 and married but I find relation rather unpeasurable I cant get to any good point as I have to stop and I dont know why its like their is something in my head saying dont go there.
I just dont know where else to turn for help - I am wary about going through the NHS (uk based) as I know that it would be on my health record that I have sought psychiaric help and i am not a mental person. Its just that I need something.
I am sorry for what you have been through. I wish I had something to offer you other than prayer. Unfortunately I don’t know where you live and the policy here is that we cannot ask others for personal information like that…therefore, I am not sure how anyone here can direct you to a counselor near where you live. I do know however, that many many many people read these posts and pray for those that write stories like yours.
Please know that there are many people here praying for you and praying for your marriage and your emotional and sexual well-being. Please keep us posted on how you are getting along, I know that many people here care. God bless you and I am so sorry I cannot give you what you are asking for. Please take care.
I am so sorry. I seems even trivial to say that when you have endured such wounding. You have been terribly wounded. But one thing I know is that God gives sufficient grace. He will give it to you in whatever measure you require.
You will need help. I sympathize with your unwillingness to go on public record with your problem. Keep praying for wisdom and direction about that.
There are two things I can think of that I think would be the best starting point, from what little I know. One is an excellent Catholic counseling service, run by Gregory Popcak, who has a Catholic television and radio show here in the U.S. You can call there. He specializes in marriages, but branches out in everything affecting them, and is the wisest counselor I have heard of. (see info at: exceptionalmarriages.com/services.htm ) and I think they would point you in the right direction. I see they have a counselor specializing in abuse. I don’t know for certain, but I’m pretty sure they would not charge you for the initial consultation, during which they could give you some advice about where to turn, what it may take to work through this, referrals, etc.
Also, I know that today Jesus heals even these deep wounds. I find John and Paula Sanford’s books, particularly Healing the Wounded Spirit, and Transformation of the Inner Man extremely inspiring. They heal all kinds of things, and write about how, things including and especially hard cases like the deep wounding of abuse, or homosexuality, in the name of Jesus. All kinds of things. When you read the books you will see how. They are big thick volumes, but I found them hard to put down. It seems you should be able to find them there in the U.K., as so many are in print. If not, you can probably find them on half.com, or certainly Amazon.
Then when you read them, if you feel God is moving you in that direction, you can contact them. They have an international ministry. While they don’t have an Elijah House in the U.K. there are others in Europe, and also likely they can refer you to a U.K. counselor/minister who has been trained at Elijah House, and particularly one experienced in your wounding. Here is their web address: elijahhouse.org/
I think there is real hope for you!
My gut feeling it you need the healing hand of Jesus, more than you need the psychology of the culture, served you NHS-style. Thats just my humble opinion.