Dealing with being in love with somone who is homosexual


#1

I was wondering if anyone here had any advice for me… This is my situation:

About a year ago, I started to become really good friends with a guy that I know (I’m a girl). He has become my best friend, the person I can tell everything to. Spiritually, he is an AMAZING man of God. He has helped me to grow so much in my faith and in my prayer life that the change is incredible. We pray together at least once a week, usually for hours. We started a ministry at my University together that has seen dozens of lives changed.

Well, as nature would have it, I started falling for him. I have never known anyone like him: he is smart, funny, wise, honest, gives amazing advice, strong, confident, humble, willing to take his role as a man seriously, and is unparalleled in his obsession with Christ. And that’s not even the half of it. He is not afraid to stand up for what he believes in, especially if he is hated for it, which he often is. For a while, he seemed to be interested in me too, and then I learned something about him that tore me apart.

He recently told me that ever since middle school, he has been struggling with homosexuality. He hates it, he begs God every night to take it away, and still he struggles. He does not struggle with homosexual behavior, only the desires. When I first found out, my heart literally ached for him. My best friend was going through something that I could never understand, and I could never help him in any way other than to pray for him. He firmly believes with every bone in his body that God will take those desires away. He fully plans on getting married and having a family one day, but only after he is delivered from these desires because he does not want to be unfair to his future wife. I was torn too because this meant that I could not be with him. Why would God send me this seemingly perfect man only to have me discover that any chance with him was impossible? I can only assume it was because without my friend I would not be as close to God as I am now.

He told me that its “like a moodswing”. He can tell if a girl is pretty, and if he looks for long enough he can be attracted to her, but its just not the same as with guys. I have no idea what to do. Sometimes I feel like maybe I’m just wasting my time with him, because there is no chance of anything outside friendship, but he is my BEST friend and I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. But I also know that if I keep this friendship up, I’ll never move on from loving him, and I might miss the person I’m supposed to be with. I really can’t think about not being with him, it makes me sick. But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do to protect my heart.

Help! :frowning:


#2

First, God bless this man for being honest with you. Many in his situation might move on with a relationship as an experiment. They try a relationship with a woman to see if they can develop the proper feelings.

Second, why did God send him to you? It is sometimes impossible for us to know God's plan. He is like a chess master. God is many moves ahead.

My suggestion is to forget about the fact that he desires to change. Accept him for the way is today. If you accept that he is homosexual, your feelings toward him will change.


#3

Wow, that is a tough situation for you. It is very hard to come across a man like that today, and I can see why this is attractive to you. And God bless this man for his struggles. Many would just give in to it and justify why it is ok. Isn't there some sort of therapy he can go to? I have heard of it before, but I can't remember what they call it. Perhaps, you could be willing to help him with his struggles and just stick by him? There is a chance that his struggle could be long term, though, and it depends on what you want for your life. He may be called to celibacy for his whole life. He may be able to have a relationship with a woman, but who knows when it will be? That sure is tough. Keep on praying, that's the best thing to do.


#4

[quote="justamoose89, post:1, topic:197870"]

Well, as nature would have it, I started falling for him. I have never known anyone like him: he is smart, funny, wise, honest, gives amazing advice, strong, confident, humble, willing to take his role as a man seriously, and is unparalleled in his obsession with Christ. And that's not even the half of it. He is not afraid to stand up for what he believes in, especially if he is hated for it, which he often is. For a while, he seemed to be interested in me too, and then I learned something about him that tore me apart.

He recently told me that ever since middle school, he has been struggling with homosexuality. He hates it, he begs God every night to take it away, and still he struggles. He does not struggle with homosexual behavior, only the desires. When I first found out, my heart literally ached for him. My best friend was going through something that I could never understand, and I could never help him in any way other than to pray for him. And if you care for your friend, that is all that you can do.He firmly believes with every bone in his body that God will take those desires away. He can believe it all he wants, but only God knows what He wants for your friend. Your friend can't possibly know what is God's will.He fully plans on getting married and having a family one day, but only after he is delivered from these desires because he does not want to be unfair to his future wife. I was torn too because this meant that I could not be with him. Why would God send me this seemingly perfect man only to have me discover that any chance with him was impossible?Perhaps to show you that a "faithful, smart, funny, wise , honest, gives amazing advice, strong confident humble, willing to take his role as a man seriously and is unparalleled in his obsession for Christ" guy is the kind of guy you should be interested in. Just not THIS guy. I can only assume it was because without my friend I would not be as close to God as I am now. It may be that that was the purpose he served. And if that is the case, be thankful to God for sending this man to open your eyes.

But I do not think that God sent this guy to you to pin your hopes on. He does not send us hardship to have us live with them, but rather to learn from them, and to grow into a closer relationship with HIM.

He told me that its "like a moodswing". He can tell if a girl is pretty, and if he looks for long enough he can be attracted to her, but its just not the same as with guys. I have no idea what to do. Sometimes I feel like maybe I'm just wasting my time with him, because there is no chance of anything outside friendship, but he is my BEST friend and I couldn't bear the thought of losing him. But I also know that if I keep this friendship up, I'll never move on from loving him, and I might miss the person I'm supposed to be with. I really can't think about not being with him, it makes me sick. But I don't know what I'm supposed to do to protect my heart.

No one is telling you to give up your friendship with this man. What you must give up is the hope of it becoming more than what it is--a friendship.

And you do that the same way you would do that with any relationship that cannot be anything more than friendship-- you keep going in the direction of your life. You either are able to remain friends while meeting someone new (no, it might not be easy) or you break it off and then go on.

And either way, stay close to God. He is your most important relationship.

Help! :(

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#5

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