I was wondering if anyone here had any advice for me… This is my situation:
About a year ago, I started to become really good friends with a guy that I know (I’m a girl). He has become my best friend, the person I can tell everything to. Spiritually, he is an AMAZING man of God. He has helped me to grow so much in my faith and in my prayer life that the change is incredible. We pray together at least once a week, usually for hours. We started a ministry at my University together that has seen dozens of lives changed.
Well, as nature would have it, I started falling for him. I have never known anyone like him: he is smart, funny, wise, honest, gives amazing advice, strong, confident, humble, willing to take his role as a man seriously, and is unparalleled in his obsession with Christ. And that’s not even the half of it. He is not afraid to stand up for what he believes in, especially if he is hated for it, which he often is. For a while, he seemed to be interested in me too, and then I learned something about him that tore me apart.
He recently told me that ever since middle school, he has been struggling with homosexuality. He hates it, he begs God every night to take it away, and still he struggles. He does not struggle with homosexual behavior, only the desires. When I first found out, my heart literally ached for him. My best friend was going through something that I could never understand, and I could never help him in any way other than to pray for him. He firmly believes with every bone in his body that God will take those desires away. He fully plans on getting married and having a family one day, but only after he is delivered from these desires because he does not want to be unfair to his future wife. I was torn too because this meant that I could not be with him. Why would God send me this seemingly perfect man only to have me discover that any chance with him was impossible? I can only assume it was because without my friend I would not be as close to God as I am now.
He told me that its “like a moodswing”. He can tell if a girl is pretty, and if he looks for long enough he can be attracted to her, but its just not the same as with guys. I have no idea what to do. Sometimes I feel like maybe I’m just wasting my time with him, because there is no chance of anything outside friendship, but he is my BEST friend and I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. But I also know that if I keep this friendship up, I’ll never move on from loving him, and I might miss the person I’m supposed to be with. I really can’t think about not being with him, it makes me sick. But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do to protect my heart.