Hey there folks,
Just joined a few minutes ago, and quite honestly out of hopelessness. I have fallen on hard times and have lost hope in myself and in the future, all because of my own stupid and immature actions. I am currently a freshman in college, away from home, and am experiencing the stresses that any college freshman undergoes: adjusting to independence, building good and stable relationships, dealing with temptation, and most of all maturing as an individual. The maturing part has apparently been the most difficult for me. I was raised in a devout Roman Catholic family, with loving parents who are rather conservative in their faith and values. I also have 3 loving siblings (aged 28,26,24) who have looked out for me since I was born. I am blessed and I realize the many blessings I do have. I have a decent faith life: I attend mass weekly (even in college), abstain from receiving the Eucharist when I'm conscious of grave (or what I think to be grave) sin, and I try to pray and repent every day.
However, I am reaching out to anyone who can help me in my current situation.
I have been plagued by my parent's disappointment.
Time and again, I have committed stupid and immature acts that have caused my parents to doubt my maturity and earn their disappointment.
Today was, I believe to be, the tipping point.
As a joke for April Fool's day, I decided to send a fake email and picture of an ultrasound to pretend I got a girl pregnant. Idiotic I know. At the time, foolishly thinking this was funny, I thought maybe my parents would get a quick laugh out of it, realizing who I am as a person and how I would NEVER commit such a thing.
I thought wrong, as my parents called me screaming at me asking "is this your idea of a joke?" My mother was incensed: she was sobbing on the phone and my immediate, gut reaction was to say "come on, don't do this" and right as I said that she immediately says "I can't talk to him, he won't listen." The phone is then handed to my father who proceeds to scold me about how "I've failed on my part to teach you that you never joke about matters of life or death, son. There's nothing I can do. Where do you get the idea that this is funny?" It was rather horrifying that I was hearing this from my parents. I thought I was past all of this. I thought I was finished being yelled at. I was mortified.
My mother and father both think they can't talk to me about it because I am so locked up in my own viewpoint and my own world that I won't listen to anyone.
I have tried time and again to prove them otherwise but nothing I do works.
I eventually received a scolding email from my father about an hour after that phone call, explaining how my mother has been crying ever since that call and reiterating what he had said to me on the phone, and even saying how he is "sad, worried, and fearful of what I might pull next." And how he "hopes that I can repair the hurt that I've caused them."
My question to anyone is....how can I repair the hurt?
What can I do to show my sorrow?
How can I show my anguish, without coming across as "woe is me"?
What can I do to fix this?
I am at wit's end.
I don't know what to do next.
I have given up.
Thanks in advance,