I must admit in the past I have been a door mat more than I care to admit (I have suffer the resentments of it). So I am trying to 'speak my truth quietly in love'. Well let's just say there are certain people it is hard to be assertive around
For example, yesterday at smoke break a homeless person walked by and I made a joke in VERY bad taste (in view of the fact that I made fun of a child of God). Everyone laughed hilariously and when the guilt set in said 'That was wrong of me I shouldn't have done that', 'Jane' said 'don't worry it was funny'.
Well today, I was standing outside and 'Jane'shows up and she was laughing. I knew she was remembering the cruel comment I made yesterday. So I said 'I was wrong yesterday and I do NOT want to make fun of the homeless' She kept laughing and pushing my arm. I kept shaking my head 'no' and she kept pushing my arm. Well, it turns our she was trying to turn me around because there was a homeless guy walking by and she wanted me to see him. So I gave her a very stern look and repeated 'I will NOT make fun of the homeless'. Finally she got the message and said 'OK, but you know it is all in good fun' So I cut her off and started to talk about the wheather.
I know I made the mistake in the first place but I want to be a better person. I resent that I have to be so firm. I almost want to have nothing to do with Jane if she is going to egg me on to mock the homeless.
Another scenario. And this one bugs me deeply. At my bible study, people will often talk about others who aren't in the room. The talk is out of line in my opinion. They will tell me about people's health issues and financial struggles. Finally I said 'It is wrong to talk about people unless they are in the room.' They told me 'This isn't gossip, the others don't care if I share this about them' I disagree. I don't think anyone likes to be talked about behind their back. Or they will say 'We need to tell you this so you can pray for them' I disagree again. All you have to do is say 'Please pray for a friend of mine' God knows what this person needs!
Well Saturday was the last straw. A man was driving me home from church. When he went to get the car, I saw him talk to someone. I asked 'Who were you talking to?' He proceeded to tell me that was a friend of his who just got divorced and was upset so he told his friend to pray to God who will take care of his children and to quit worrying because it isn't worth it" I nearly flipped. How cruel to tell me his friend is upset. Not too mentioned I no longer want to go to bible study since I think that is the cruelest thing one could say to a man who just got divorced
Anytime I try to speak the truth in love at bible study, I feel rejected. There are people there who have hurt me and I need to talk about it. But if I say someone hurt me, I am accused of gossipping. That is not my intention, I am simply trying to process my feelings to get over it and looking for guidance on how to handle the situation to move forward. Before I assert myself to someone, I like to run it by a trusted friend to ensure I am being appropriate. However, they can talk about people's health for the sake of talking and it is acceptable.
I feel like telling this man I no longer want him telling me about other's personal business. But knowing him, he will justify it with any excuse he can find.
How do others deal with pushy people?