Dear Abby's take on parental notification


#1

**Dear Abby: **

From time to time, you tell young women who think they might be pregnant and are afraid to tell their parents to do so.

I am a minister. Several years ago, I worked for Planned Parenthood and we had a young girl – about 13 years old – test positive for pregnancy. We urged her to tell her parents, but she kept refusing, insisting, “Dad will kill me!”

We finally convinced her that the best thing was to tell her parents, have the baby, and get on with her life.

Her father beat her so badly that she was in the hospital for more than a month. She lost the baby because of the beating and ended up in foster care.

I will never again tell a young person that her parents will not go crazy, and I don’t think you should do that, either. Thanks, Abby.

Regretful in Florida

**Dear Regretful: **

Thank you for the warning. Even though we wish all teenagers could disclose to their parents, as your letter illustrates, it is a sad reality that some of them cannot. Although most young girls do involve their families, there will always be some who are unable to do so.

For that reason, I do not believe that parental notification should be mandated by law. And because sex education is no longer taught in as many states as it had been, I strongly urge parents to begin talking to their children early about the facts of life and their personal value systems, to create a safe and comfortable environment should a crisis occur.

duluthsuperior.com/mld/duluthsuperior/news/local/12841038.htm


#2

Yep. It’s called “situational ethics” and it’s been around far too long.

Oh, we cannot have “parental notification” because (insert anecdote of something TERRIBLE happening to child because of parent going off deep end here).

And, based on that “anecdote”, we deny the millions of responsible parents their chance to be parents, and pander to the increasing gap of misunderstanding that won’t allow a nurse to give a child an aspirin, but will send that same nurse and child, with loud hosannas, off to PP to get an abortion without the child’s family knowing ANYTHING about it.


#3

[quote=Tantum ergo]Yep. It’s called “situational ethics” and it’s been around far too long.

Oh, we cannot have “parental notification” because (insert anecdote of something TERRIBLE happening to child because of parent going off deep end here).

And, based on that “anecdote”, we deny the millions of responsible parents their chance to be parents, and pander to the increasing gap of misunderstanding that won’t allow a nurse to give a child an aspirin, but will send that same nurse and child, with loud hosannas, off to PP to get an abortion without the child’s family knowing ANYTHING about it.
[/quote]

If their daughters are pregnant, they have not been responsible parents.


#4

We finally convinced her that the best thing was to tell her parents, have the baby, and get on with her life.

Does this story strike you as true? A minister redirecting Planned Parenthood clients.


#5

Dear Abby,

I am a teacher of 13 year olds. Several years ago, one of my students made a “C” in my class. We urged her to tell her parents, but she kept refusing, insisting, “Dad will kill me!”

We finally convinced her that the best thing was to tell her parents.

Her father beat her so badly that she was in the hospital for more than a month. She ended up in foster care.

I will never again tell a young person that her parents will not go crazy, and I don’t think you should do that, either. I decided to only give my students “A+”

Thanks, Abby.

Regretful

**Dear Regretful: **

Thank you for the warning. Even though we wish all teenagers could disclose to their parents, as your letter illustrates, it is a sad reality that some of them cannot. Although most young girls do involve their families, there will always be some who are unable to do so.

For that reason, I do not believe that parental notification should be mandated by law.


#6

<<<If their daughters are pregnant, they have not been responsible parents.>>>

I TRUST you are not serious.

If you really think that blaming the parents for the actions of their children is the way to go, you have: Never been a parent and/or Never had to deal with a serious consequence. . .YET.

Thirteen year old girls–and boys–are not the most responsible beings. And so they can make some pretty serious judgment errors, just as older children, and even “adults” can.

Recently we had a young girl in the region, 14 years old, who “borrowed” the car of the family of her 16 year old friend, and with the 16 year old and a 15 year old, wound up crashing the car and injuring herself badly.

Now, who is to blame? The parents of the 14 year old? The girl had lied to them that she was going to take the bus to the public library to study. Surely at age 14 she was “old enough” to do that, and, in fact, HAD done just take, taking the bus, many times. Now, are her parents MIND READERS that they did not realize that the girl was going to lie this time, or did they trust her to be responsible, as she had been other times?

How about the 16 year old? She let her friend drive, even though she “knew the rules”. But wait, she’s only 16. Maybe her parents had not raised her properly. If they HAD been responsible, she never would have let her friend drive, right?
Or, wait. . .was this the first and only time the 16 year old had done this? Was it just a case of where the 16 year old mistakenly thought that she was “mature” enough to “help” her friend?

You see, just because a child HAS been responsible, or just because a child supposely KNOWS THE RULES, does not mean the child will follow them or stay responsible. . .and that is NOT the fault of the parents in the vast MAJORITY of cases.

Parents are not 24/7 POLICE. The whole idea about raising a child is that the child, as he or she grows and matures, comes to points where the parents have to let go and TRUST that the child will act properly as the child has been taught. And sometimes, the child makes mistakes. Hopefully they are not permanent, fatal, disabling, or otherwise tragic mistakes.

That a CHILD in most cases is unable to assess that her parents, while shocked, grieved, hurt, worried, and otherwise CONCERNED for their child, could be angry for the sinful behavior while still loving the child, is one thing.

That reasonable people who should know better fall into the trap of situational ethics as Dear Abby did, or somehow wind up playing the old, “what terrible parents for their child to do such a thing” game, is quite another, IMO.


#7

Yes. But maybe the daughter-beating father was poisoned by prayer in schools as a youth so we shouldn’t look down upon him.

Futher, it may be dangerous for Johnny to hold dad’s hand when crossing the street because flashbacks to a Bible thumper that harrassed him 10 years ago when he was whisking his girlfriend into the abortion mill make him so frustrated he may push Johnny into traffic.


#8

[quote=Gabriel Gale]Does this story strike you as true? A minister redirecting Planned Parenthood clients.
[/quote]

I thought the same thing. First, since when do they even ask how old you are, let alone try to get you to tell your parents. Second, sice when would they ever council a young girl to have her baby.


#9

IMHO, if there is a genuine concern that a father would severely beat his pregnant daughter, CPS should be involved anyway. Giving the girl an abortion without her parents knowledge doesn’t solve the problem of child abuse - it sweeps the problem under the rug while leaving the girl in a dangerous, abusive home.

This is akin to the argument that abortion is needed because a woman might get beaten by an abusive husband or boyfriend when he finds out she’s pregnant. The baby isn’t the problem, the abusive boyfriend/husband/parent is.


#10

Of course, the abusive father is not the only problem. Who is the father of the child. Not telling the parents or any other serves the sexual predator more than anyone else.


#11

[quote=Tantum ergo]<<<If their daughters are pregnant, they have not been responsible parents.>>>

I TRUST you are not serious.

If you really think that blaming the parents for the actions of their children is the way to go, you have: Never been a parent and/or Never had to deal with a serious consequence. . .YET.

Thirteen year old girls–and boys–are not the most responsible beings. And so they can make some pretty serious judgment errors, just as older children, and even “adults” can.

Recently we had a young girl in the region, 14 years old, who “borrowed” the car of the family of her 16 year old friend, and with the 16 year old and a 15 year old, wound up crashing the car and injuring herself badly.

Now, who is to blame? The parents of the 14 year old? The girl had lied to them that she was going to take the bus to the public library to study. Surely at age 14 she was “old enough” to do that, and, in fact, HAD done just take, taking the bus, many times. Now, are her parents MIND READERS that they did not realize that the girl was going to lie this time, or did they trust her to be responsible, as she had been other times?

How about the 16 year old? She let her friend drive, even though she “knew the rules”. But wait, she’s only 16. Maybe her parents had not raised her properly. If they HAD been responsible, she never would have let her friend drive, right?
Or, wait. . .was this the first and only time the 16 year old had done this? Was it just a case of where the 16 year old mistakenly thought that she was “mature” enough to “help” her friend?

You see, just because a child HAS been responsible, or just because a child supposely KNOWS THE RULES, does not mean the child will follow them or stay responsible. . .and that is NOT the fault of the parents in the vast MAJORITY of cases.

Parents are not 24/7 POLICE. The whole idea about raising a child is that the child, as he or she grows and matures, comes to points where the parents have to let go and TRUST that the child will act properly as the child has been taught. And sometimes, the child makes mistakes. Hopefully they are not permanent, fatal, disabling, or otherwise tragic mistakes.

That a CHILD in most cases is unable to assess that her parents, while shocked, grieved, hurt, worried, and otherwise CONCERNED for their child, could be angry for the sinful behavior while still loving the child, is one thing.

That reasonable people who should know better fall into the trap of situational ethics as Dear Abby did, or somehow wind up playing the old, “what terrible parents for their child to do such a thing” game, is quite another, IMO.
[/quote]

Thanks for bringing this up. Sometimes kids do what ever the heck they want to do no matter how they are raised. They seldom think of consequences.


#12
  1. The letters in “Dear Abby” and similar advice columns are often written by the columnists or their staffs. This one probably was too–so that “Abby” could make her political point.

  2. This argument against parental notification (because teenage girls could be hurt by enraged parents) makes about as much sense as arguing that if abortion is outlawed women will die in “coathangar” abortions. How many would die from “coathangar abortions”–20 or fewer a year? And that justifies hundreds of thousands of innocent babies dying each year from LEGAL abortions? Hmmmm, makes sense to me.:whacky:


#13

[quote=Bella3502]If their daughters are pregnant, they have not been responsible parents.
[/quote]

**This statement only hurts the cause of antiabortion organizations.

The Dear Abby story is not the normal response of a parent. I even wonder if it is real or just hype. But, even if it is real, there are more girls 13 or even younger that need their LOVING parents to help them make them make the decision to give birth and place the baby for adoption.

Parental notification should be LAW.
**


#14

And I just wonder who the letter was REALLY from… Planned Parenthood or NARAL… not sure I believe the letter at all!


#15

[quote=DJgang]And I just wonder who the letter was REALLY from… Planned Parenthood or NARAL… not sure I believe the letter at all!
[/quote]

The “letter” was probably written by some liberal, “pro-choice” (i.e., pro-abortion) flunkey on Dear Abby’s staff.

It is amazing how we are constantly bombarded by people with agendas–even when we don’t realize it. We view “Dear Abby” and other advice columnists as being reasonable, and we allow ourselves unknowingly to be influenced by their political agendas.:tsktsk:

I stopped getting Good Housekeeping when it published several articles on the priest abuse scandal, other articles with a subtle anti-Catholic bias, and gave Joy Behar an advice column.:frowning:


#16

California has a parental notification measure on the ballot this November. There is a provision for exeptions where the minor can petition the court to permit an abortion without parental consent if it would truly be in the minor’s best interest not to inform the parent. Also, she can seek help from juvenile court if she is being coerced by anyone to have the abortion.

So if this anecdote WAS true, it seems that maybe this would have been a prime example of having the exeption available.

Arlene


#17

[quote=Bella3502]If their daughters are pregnant, they have not been responsible parents.
[/quote]

I beg to differ my dear. We, as parents, teach our children the best way we can. We try to instill in them values consistent with our beliefs. We try to teach them right and wrong. And along the way we butt heads. However, we cannot be with them 24/7. We have to make them responsible for their actions and accept the consequences of whatever THEY do, be it good or bad. We can tell them all the things that can/will cause them pain, give them joy or whatever. But ultimately they make decisions, be they good or bad and thus are responsible.

          Part of the problem as I see it ( and I am guilty too) is that we want to be our childrens friends and not their parents. On the other side of the coin, I have known many "responsible " parents whose daughters "get pregnant" and many "not so responsible " parents who daughters are just the opposite.

          Pregnancy is not the parents fault. It is the child wanting to be someone they are not ready to be. 


              ~ Kathy ~

#18

[quote=Gabriel Gale]Does this story strike you as true? A minister redirecting Planned Parenthood clients.
[/quote]

Could be a liberal Protestant, such as United Church of Christ.


#19

Planned Parenthood hires ministers to give their diabolical mission a shred of credibility in the eyes of Christians who are too weak to follow the word of Christ.


#20

[quote=Bella3502]If their daughters are pregnant, they have not been responsible parents.
[/quote]

Oh?


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