I wanted to get advice from people on this site as part of my discernment process for a decision I have to make. Me and DH have talked with both our families and continue to as circumstances change but I would like to ad opinions of poster that may have gone through this kind of thing or know someone. Different perspectives are very useful, especially looking in from outside. I feel I get so caught up in the middle that I lose sight of what I’m trying to accomplish…anyway here is my situation.
My DH and I have one son (1 year old) and baby #2 on the way, due in July. We made some pretty unwise decisions that have put us where we are now. We moved to another city away from home so I could start working with my degree, shortly after we got married. We both had jobs and then we found out I was pregnant. Now being a first time mom, I have never really thought about what it truly was to be a mom. It certainly does change my perspective on life and so I have changed a lot and our previous decisions have not helped us to be where I’d like to be now that I am a mom. Well when we found out I was pregnant we decided to buy a house. Our situation in our apt was just not good, no good neighbors, cops always around, people under us yelling and screaming and lots of breakins. So at the time I thought it was the best thing, which it probably was…BUT we ended up buying more house than we can now afford. We were fine on 2 incomes but then my husband hurt his ankle and had to stay home on disability for about 3 months. At this same time we had recently had the baby and we were both realizing that we did not want to put him in daycare and that I shoudl stay home with him and just be a full time mom. Now things cannot happen automatically so we realize that we need to plan. So since DH was already home from work he watched the baby and his job ended up having to replace him since he was out so long. So we thought ok this is a sign from God because I had been debating on if I needed to quit to be home or what. I literally spoke to God that one particular day and begged for a sign because I did not know what to do. And that day doc called my husband and said, “nope you can’t work anymore, you need to stay home”…bingo! So now it is about a year later and DH is still home with baby.
Now I really feel called to stay home. I feel that God has planned a large family for us, I don’t know why but I have this huge inner craving to be a mom full time. I want to raise my kids and concentrate fully on raising them as saints and being a bigger part of their lives. But I make the most money because I am an engineer, and we are in this huge house (as we intended on having many kids to grow into it but never thought we wouldn’t put them in daycare). And so my income is the only one that will pay for the house. We also have some debt that I plan on having paid off by July, which will help us live off a smaller income when DH can find a good job. So we have been trying to be wise and preparing our lives to be in the best possible financial state for me to stay home.
So here is the problem…we want to move back to our home city, not too far from here, because we have no family here and have to travel much if we want to see paretns and let them have a relationship with their grandchildren. But we feel we are stuck in this house. For one the market is so ****** that selling seems almost impossible. For two, we are in a brand new neighborhood and we are competing with the builder if we sell (who wants a used home when they can get a custome built brand new one from the builder). Also we have only been in this house 1 year so there is no equity in it. If we sell, we are most likely looking at losing (or owing the bank) about $15k in the end. I feel like if we do that, we have just set ourselves back from all the hard work I have been doing to get rid of the debt we use to have. Now I realize that my children are more important than these other things but I dont’ know God’s will and obviously have to pray about it but it is just so hard. I cant’ see God wanting me to put our family in $15k worth of debt to be home with my kids. I keep thinking he’ll provide a way but I just don’t see it. DH is trying to get a job in hometown that will pay as much as mine does now. It is the ONLY job that will pay this much and is what we are hoping for. He won’t know if he gets the job or not until about July when we are having the baby. If he gets the job we will see that as a sure sign to move and do all the right things, but if not, how long do I wait until I have to stay home with my babies? I mean the time will never be PERFECT. So I know I need to be home but I just don’t know what to do about this house? That is so much money. I just keep praying that something will chcange in the market or someone will buy our home, but just seem so unlikely. And as long as we are in this house, it is eating up all my money and DH could not find a job that woudl keep us in it. And then the fees associated with selling and then buying another one or even getting an apt. It just seems that no matter what we do it is all going to cost money money money…that we don’t have.
Sorry this is so long but anyone who has been through these kinds of decisions please give your adivce or what you did or went through. Soemtimes I read of someone’s situation and think, wow, my situation is nothing compared to that, but then again I’m still leaving to work everydaywhile my son throws fit about me leaving and it tears me apart. But leaving a job is just such a big deal and then selling a house is too I don’t want to just go off emotion. I have to be prepared and do it right. God bless and thanks for any advice offered.