It all started in mid-June of 2001 on a beautiful warm evening while waiting for the bus at the local University. There was only one other person with me at the time. While taking in summer’s scents, sights and sounds, I was suddenly, but silently startled to see a beautiful Hispanic young woman approach the stop while noticeably struggling to suppress a smile as she shifted her gaze away from me. That’s when panic suddenly struck! I tried desperately to convince myself that I was completely unworthy of such a dazzling work of God’s creation! She was intellectually perfect so I thought; just far too perfect for a slouch like me.
So, I pretended she wasn’t even there. I successfully managed to maintain my focus on a couple of ugly trees directly in front of me and away from the item that ‘accidentally’ fell on the ground from her purse right next to my feet. Again I pretended not to notice. Then I received a light tap on my right shoulder and a voice that whispered from behind me, “opportunity, take it!” But I wouldn’t budge; for some very odd reason I became absolutely frozen - completely petrified with fear - and just stood there staring a couple of minutes further, eventually forcing the young beauty to pick up the object just as the bus arrived. The buses’ arrival succeeded in breaking my focus; but so had it embarrassed and broke the heart of the lovely lady stepping aboard. I knew the bus driver, and he appeared to know me only too well.Then started preaching to me about the consequences of throwing away such a rare opportunity for all in the packed bus to hear - this had to have been a setup from the start, so I convinced myself!
Seventeen years later I am 54 years old. Still single and unemployed, but no longer struggling with mental illness as I had been years before, I am for the first time in my life feeling empowered, strong and liberated! I was until today, the 12th of July, assured that God would direct my every step and direction! Nothing was going to stop me, so I thought.
This year, summer was proving to be a nice warm one, so I decided to take a long leasurly walk through the city’s main park. Having spent an hour just slowly taking in God’s great creation, and after stopping by the river for the view, I turned, got back onto the main pathway and wham, virtually bumped into you’ll never guess who! She was obviously very happy to see me and as beautifully as ever, said a very sweet, polite hello and started talking about how things had been! And me? Although failing to freeze up the way I had before, instead of returning the favor, I managed to crack a nice big smile, only to be followed immediately by a an ugly big frown of regret! Her vibrant mood quickly and visibly turned into one of disappointment and anger. I was taken aback by that obviously! I’ll never forget the last look on her face as she quickly stepped away; it seemed to be screaming “you have shamefully brought this misfortune onto yourself!”
Have I really botched the plan God ultimately had for the two of us? Perhaps someone somewhere with a similar experience could possibly help me out with this! It’s killing me to say the least! God bless!