Looks like I have a talent for getting in trouble with people.
Basically, there’s a woman I met a university reunion. She seems to be very Catholic, except there’s one (at least one problem): she’s divorced and it doesn’t like she’s completely uninterested in me “that way”. She’s a lawyer and her mother is a diocese attorney. She may not be a proper canon law expert, but she’s likely to know more than your average person. She goes to church every day, receives Communion, which given that she’s divorced, should normally mean she’s reconciled with a celibate life - unless the marriage was null and declared so by the tribunal, which is not to be presumed.
She doesn’t make any obvious come-ons and the levels of cordiality or anything resembling flirtation don’t exceed what I get from friends whom I’ve known for a bit, although I’d say she’s pushing it. It’s a new acquaintance and thus I’m worried. Some behaviours also look a bit as if they were dating-inclined, although I may be wrong in my interpretation as I’ve been a couple of times.
So far I’ve agreed to meet during an open door fixed event in a park since I’d make such an arrangement freely with just about anyone I know, married or not, the place is completely public and the hour is early, but the situation feels dodgy and I’m beginning to feel rather scrupulous about this. I probably should have declined, but I could think of no polite way to get out of it and being extremely busy, tired and ill-attentive didn’t work.
Playing stupid and provoking a canon law discussion didn’t work either. She neither got tense (as a person in an irregular situation knowing it) nor angry (how dare I…). I will ask flat out if I need to, but I’d rather not have to. Obviously, if I had anything concrete, I’d have used it already and ended the acquaintance. But I don’t have anything. So once again, how do I get out of trouble politely or at least not too rudely? I have no problem saying clearly I won’t stand being even very subtly (and unrequitedly, since I wouldn’t be interested even if she were single) made advances on by a presumably married person, but I don’t feel that great about telling her it looks like she’s making advances if she isn’t really - that’s quite damaging from a woman’s point of view, I imagine… Although if I need to take that risk, I will. :o