Delivered from WellSpouse.org

I used to be on the wellspouse forums. have any of you been there? Anyway, I defended what they call 'illspouses ( IS) ' by saying they shouldn't complain about their spouses they care for. Someone complained and they banned me. I think they did me a favor. And I think god allowed this to help me get out the negativity there. I urge all to avoid that site. Its mainly a 'bashfest' for spousal caregivers against their problems, and much of it is 'blaming' their ill spouses. Plus they definitely do not hold to traditional morals. People on there openly 'date' and others support them, all while still married. Pray for them, but don't go there. And praise God for my being delivered. I got an email about the suspension, and I emailed back saying that they helped me by banning me, and that I hope everyone there is able to work out their issues. Some call that sour grapes, I call it constructive rebuttal. No way can they blame all the site issues on me, for just standing up for the sick spouses they always complain about.

Dear traillius,

As a fervent Catholic, AND a member of Well Spouse, I was very saddened to see your post. As a Catholic, I can understand your feelings and opinions, and I certainly agree with your moral view of marriage. However, as a long-time member of Well Spouse, I need to say that my view of this organization is that it helps marriages stay together, in the majority of cases, when marriages are horribly challenged by chronic illness of one spouse.

As a Catholic, I have learned that tolerance and respect of other people is very important. We will always have disagreements with others, but we are ALL sinful creatures, and we should not “bring down” a whole organization because we disagree with some of its members.

I assume you are caring for an ill spouse - I hope God has helped you through this very difficult situation as He has helped me. God has worked miracles for me, and I share this with my fellow well spouses whenever I can. I realize they don’t all share my Catholic beliefs and values, but I feel that by setting an example of walking with God, maybe I will let others know of the amazing grace of God. And, as for those whose values I disagree with, the best thing for us Catholics to do is to pray for them.

Although my relationship with God is my major means of coping with my husband’s physically and mentally deteriorating condition, the friends I have made at Well Spouse have made me feel so much less alone in my struggles. Whatever their religious beliefs or non-beliefs, they are walking the same difficult path as I am, and they “get” what I am suffering - I think you have to be a well spouse to understand the struggles of other well spouses. It is a uniquely grievous situation, and I have found great comfort with a group of friends in the same difficult journey I must walk.

I wish you all of God’s blessings.

This was not meant to be an attack on you. I simply did not have the experience you had. I am glad it works for you. I just don't think it would have for me. I also have other issues to work out, not related to my wife's condition. I couldn't do that, in the situation wellspouse presented. God bless you anyway.

I also struggle with caring for an ill spouse. I was born and raised a Catholic and am glad for my opportunity to attend two Catholic schools and to serve as an altar-boy in my formative years. Religion is important and can teach us many values; inclusion, love, support, caring, acceptance and peace to name a few.

I have been on the Well Spouse site and find that they offer support and understanding to spouses facing difficult lives. Blame is not a commodity that I found there. In fact, I have seen ideas such as 'you do the best you can, that is all you can do'.

I am saddened by the pain in the world and the way some people react to it. Misrepresentation about who you are, facts twisted to demonize others, fly in the face of religion and Jesus' teachings.

In our modern world it is easy to find your way to the real truth, to know who people really are, to follow links to the reality of a situation. Stalking, attacking and blaming others, even (as an example) the opposition to a Muslim Center is not the path to God.

Jesus did not allow the money-changers to hide behind religion. If religion is used as 'a club' or 'a crutch' it is useless.

As I continue to struggle daily I ask for support to continue my path, and intelligence enough to know how to act. I wish the peace of God on us all as we go through our struggles.

I am glad you guys find there what you need and want.
regardless, a disagreement led to my being banned. This is almost Sad, but I believe when a door to a room is closed, God opens a door to a much bigger and much more well furnished room. I know and have faith that God will open a door to a blessing much more holy and potent than any available at the wellspouse forums.

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