Denied Gift of Life - any advice?


My husband’s oldest brother and his wife split a few years ago after selling their home, but by the end of the summer, they were back together again. I remember the day he came over to our apartment and told us in tears. BTW, they have a 7yo son. So they moved into an apt for 2 years and just recently bought a home. During the break, I would give suggestions to my husband to pass along to him so it’d just be between the two of them. One was attending a retrovaille weekend.

I guess you have to understand the situation . . .As my husband puts it, his oldest brother was going to marry every girl he dated, he is a walking sack of emotions. His wife is very materialistic, constantly having her hair and nails done and tanning her hide to a leathery freckled mess and shopping all the time - despite the fact that they were living in an apt (as opposed to saving their money for a home). Also, while they both had new vehicles, she wanted another one, so what’d they do but blow what little money they made on the house to get her the one she wanted. This is how the story goes, he gets her whatever she wants, whatever the expense out of fear that if he doesn’t, she’ll leave. And then when he gets frustrated over having/taking no control over his life, he lords over his child like a tyrant. The day will hasten when he retaliates as an adolescent.

That said, needless to say that when they decided to get back together, even tho he had made the deposit on the retrovaille weekend, he cancelled. Sorry, but just b/c you’re getting back together doesn’t mean everything’s peachy keen and you shouldn’t try to work out your problems.

The latest fuel to the fire is when my MIL told me recently that during the split, he shared w/ her that he ‘fixed’ the problem, not saying what the problem was, but pretty much w/out any doubt, HE was the one who got fixed. He was vocal before about wanting more kids, but I guess for his wife, they would just be a hinderance to attending every Madonna and American Idol concert that suited her fancy.

Maybe I’m letting other people’s problems bug me too much, but although my husband’s family is very reserved, little conversations here and there have affirmed that they all mainly hold the same opinion on this matter that I do. The only problem is that the oldest son won’t hear what anyone has to say . . .What’s the saying, ‘those who get offended the easiest have the most amount of pride?’ I think he’s got a lot of pride. Not to mention a huge chip on his shoulder about his 2 younger brothers both making more money than he does.

I find it hard not to be judgmental here and just keep my peace and be the best example I can as a faithful Christian.

If no advice (besides letting it go and giving it up to God - easier said than done), please add this little family to your prayers, and maybe me too. In fact, offer up my husband’s whole family - we are all sick of dealing w/ the oldest brother’s bitterness toward his family for the c**p we put up w/ from him and all his drama.

This family is very reserved and does not talk openly about their feelings and I just have a feeling that things are going to implode one day soon. They need some real healing.


I can understand the temptation to be judgemental…however if you think and pray carefully, what you should primarily be feeling is pity for your in-laws and family.

They obviously have not been blessed to the degree that you have been blessed by God’s wonderful grace.

People who seek comfort and solace in manicures and tanning beds and expensive cars are desperate and sad souls that are searching but do not know where to look. People who mutiliate their own bodies in order to prevent having more children in order to keep up their lifestyle are losing out more than I can ever imagine. Your in-laws are lost souls…searching…

I can only imagine the lonliness and sorrow that they feel deep inside. I know it is hard not to be irritated by people like this but please remember that Satan has gotten to them. Satan has convinced them that they will find happiness in material things which is a lie.

Pray for them, pray a lot. Also pray that God will give you the grace needed to show them the love that they need. Love will bring them back to God…love them, love them, love them…


The problem here is ultimately that the brother felt it necessary to share such personal and private information, but more immediately that your MIL felt compelled to pass it on. Why exactly did you need to know this?

If I were you, I would pray for them, and then FORGET you ever heard this. It’s not really any of your business.


Next time your husband’s family members attempt to gossip with you, simply stop it.

Get out of your BIL’s business, don’t let MIL be a gossip, and you’ll have immense peace of mind.


Thank you Monicad for your kind words and bringing me back from the brink of my anger w/ this situation. Yes, I can remember the time when I saught to fill my God-shaped hole w/ other things. Thank you for reminding me of this - I had forgotten and just given in to my knee-jerk reaction to anger.
Yes, please pray for me to get over my own hang-ups in order to show them the love and compassion they truly need. Right now I think just about the entire family is hung up and turned off to their drama right now.


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