I wanted to say thanks for the responses, I am functioning as well, i have been diagnosed and have been on medication for plenty of years , an the past i would say 2 years or so I have been off medication and have been doing plenty to handle my depression properly and i am realizing that even though I have anxiety and depression to some degree, i am functioning ,, it is weird because i cant being to imagine what it is like to not have to deal with any of these issues, and to really just be happy... I wonder if those who are really happy are really a small minority ?
An i guess everyone deals with some form of depression or anxiety to some degree.... everyone has problems to some degree or another, maybe it all just depends on how one handles it and if one is a functioning person.
But again I would add, my confidence i find is in my Faith in Christ/God and the Church, everything feels right.... feels " normal " ..... it is on my own where my confidence lacks.... Its' like how can i claim to be my own person to have done everything on my own and thus I am this confident person.... When the reality is it is my Faith that has gotten me through life.. How can my confidence not be i God and the Church ?
And part of me wishes that I just didnt have to deal with anxiety and depression to any degree so that I could be a tiny bit more confident in myself during this process of discerning and application.. I feel that I owe it to the Church to at least try. To find out if I am really being called to a religious life, I cant ignore the signs I have had in my life when I look back on my life. I want answers, and this is the only way i know to find it..
Part of me worrys to a degree that maybe it would be better to not pursue a religious life due to any degree of anxiety or depression.. but surely I can not logically give in to that idea on my own or through the internet, merely just venting.. an i have seen a psychologist on my own dime, she claims i am fine, that i just worry too much.... A bitter sweet relief of an answer.... Good to know i am " normal " but it doesnt stop the feelings of depression and anxiety i have on occasion.
I started off very paranoid in my discernment, but have come to terms that there might be a real possibilty that i am on the right path, that i am not " screwed up ", i dont claim to have any real answers, I just know something is going on and i am being lead to find out.
If it was up to the " old me " he would have ran off in fear a long time ago, yet i am still standing and moving forward,, an it hasn't been easy.
I have had to write an autobiography as well, an i tell ya it wasnt easy putting my life on the line like that.. all my thoughts and my life on paper, and to say here, judge me, interrogate me... Part of me feels like a fool for having written so much,,, but there is still the other half telling me i did the right thing... The anxiety is there to a degree, but for the most part i am at peace and am calm. The anxiety does not overwhelm me.. an i figure as long as i can move forward even being some what depressed at times, and having spurts of anxiety that i am doing something right.
Time will tell.