This is really difficult to write, because I’m so used to always making sure to present my family at its best in society and keeping trouble at home. But lately, it feels like it’s grating down on everybody. My dad has depression, and his moods put us all on edge. Thankfully I’m gone at college most of the day, but that leaves Mom at home with the other 5 kids, all of whom homeschool…and did I mention Dad works at home? I’m mostly writing this for my mom so I can give her advice (she turns to me to vent, which is okay by me, just fyi)
When he worked in the back bedroom the house had to be quiet…a nearly impossible request. He complains about being hot, about the noise, about work all the time. He wants to be left alone, but if one of the kids wander into his room to use the bathroom there, he tells them to play with cars on the bed while he works. In short, he makes it harder on himself so he has cause to complain. He likes managing— (B–go get this, C, go measure the backyard, M, go get me lunch) but he won’t do the work himself, or if he does, he complains about how much he has to do. But now he got himself a laptop so he can sit on the couch and “be with everybody”. Now, it seems like he criticizes everything from his “master chair”. If things aren’t done perfectly or right, he’ll take over and complain. For example, I was making dinner for my mom, who was at a sibling’s activity. I opened up two lbs of thawed meat, one was pink one was rotten. I threw the rotten one away and had to get out a frozen one. This delayed me starting dinner 15 min, so it would be slightly late, but I knew how to compensate for it. But Dad came out, thinking dinner was ready, but I had just turned on the stove. He just took over w/o saying anything. I stood my ground. The second time I said “I can do it” (nicely) he yelled at me. Basically, he didn’t give me a chance to make up for it, because he didn’t trust me. And that hurts. We all have to walk on eggshells around him, but he’s not careful about our feelings.
Also, it seems like he’s more possesive of the family. He complains about Mom being gone all the time, but it was his idea to have the kids do so many activities. And, we originally were planning to visit an eldery relative, just Mom and the kids, a two days’ drive, because Dad couldn’t take off of work. But now, he “can’t bear losing all of us” and he’s going to come along and bring his laptop along. I’m dreading the trip now.
We’re all hoping and praying his boss would order him to accept an office and be on site a normal 5 days a week, just to give us a break, because this constant strain is wearing my mom out. Has anyone dealt with this sort of scenario before? Can anyone offer advice for my mom and the rest of the family?
That’s not to say he has his nice points, but lately it seems like all of them are bad ideas or come with strings attached.