I’m a 16 (17 in July) year old Roman Catholic guy that’s been struggling with many things in his life. Since about four months ago though i’ve been suffering from major depression. I sleep all day, I eat all day, I CANNOT stand being around anyone or talking to anyone, i’ve contemplated suicide many many times, and much much more. Recently it has gotten much worse. I’m struggling to find my faith and struggling to face the day. A lot of times I will be happy, but then out of no where the depression comes back and gets worse, and right now i’m close to my breaking point. As a child i’ve been also suffering from masturbation and pornography addiction, and every time I do it I feel such hate in myself and many times i’ve wanted to harm myself because of it. I’ve been trying to quit but nothing has been working. God knows i’ve been trying, but it’s only getting excessive. This problem that I am going through plays a major role in the depression. Both that addiction and my past, a past of being an outcast, bullied and completely left out and lonely, with no one to go, plays a big role in my I feel depressed. I cannot control my depression nor can I control my moods and feelings and I do not know where to go from this point nor what to do. I’ve mentioned the depression and the suicidal thoughts, but one big thing that’s been happening is that i’ve been growing this huge hatred against the church. Just last night as I sat down I did not want to be there at all, and I felt a lot of anger inside. I couldn’t stand being in there at all, and that is not like me at all because I used to love being in church. Now I can’t even pray anymore and lots of times I have this voice inside me that just tells me to get away from God and the church. I’ve also been getting this huge hatred towards all humanity. I honestly am starting to hate every single person in the world apart from by mom, dad, sister and the local priests that I know and who know of me.
I don’t know what to think anymore or what to do anymore, which is why i’m here, asking for both prayers and advice. Please do not mention a therapist. Talking to someone, which I have done numerous times, doesn’t help me at all and a therapist can’t explain my recent annoyance and hatred towards the church or every single person I encounter.
Thank you and God bless.