Desiring blasphemy!? Pleasure from desire!?

i’m afraid i might be desiring blasphemous/sacrilegeous/desecrative thoughts, and getting pleasure/butterflies from it! This is sick [and it’s making me sick!]. i keep telling myself that i don’t desire these temptations, but it’s not working.
i know taking delight in temptation is venial, but i don’t want to take pleasure in grave matter (or venial, but i have to work on that).
i’m starting to wonder if it’s me that’s the cause of these scruples or the Devil.
i’m terried of our lord’s judgement and ending up in hell. :bighanky:

i’m making my mother cry and my father frustrated with my worries.

You need professional help. Please talk to your pastor and if you are having compulsive and intrusive thoughts, also get a counselor.

I echo the poster above. A councillor or similar could really help you and a priest can confirm you are being scrupulous. A forum is no place to seek help; you need to talk to someone.

Read more widely and drink stronger tea. Combined with lungfuls of hilltop air, that will help things fall into place. The only way to shine is to light a lamp.

What is it you were forbidden from thinking about? Were you told, “you’ll never understand mathematics”? Were you told, “you don’t want to know history”?

(I got told, “surely you’re not reading yet another aeroplane book!”)

Glance at a whole town at once, a whole nation or continent, a whole thousand years, a whole subject scheme.

After healing prayers in my forties, I found out I love to learn visually and that I also love words. Now, almost any area is my “oyster”!

Suppressed shame in one area is reappearing in more “risqué” form but remember, it’s not about what it’s about!

I’ve got a thread that might be helpful.

forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=1008472&highlight=megapost

The bolded part. There’s your problem.

It is not flesh and blood problems we wrestle with, its spiritual wickedness in high places.

Its no surprise you are questioning yourself…satans greatest trick was to convince so many he does not even exist.

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