Those feelings sound so familiar to me, and I still fight with them. I can only tell you what is helping me. Remember, don’t trust your feelings. The devil can mess with your feelings, but he can’t mess with your reason. So repeat out loud the truth of how much God loves you when these feelings start getting to you; repeat the name of Jesus over and over; have a prayer that reminds you of God’s love. Rather than watching inane TV programs, read and study the Bible, get to Mass as often as possible, read books that teach of God’s love for you, and of the history of the Church and why God gave us the Church. Just get as much stuff about God in your head as you can.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2).
Years ago (decades, really :)), this verse struck a cord with me. I believe that it’s because it is what I really needed to do. Our culture is very damaging to the knowledge of our relationship with God, but although you may feel that you are beyond God’s saving grace, remind yourself that He made you and it is He that is keeping you in existence, and without Him you wouldn’t even be able to take your next breath; that in fact, if He stopped loving you for a nanosecond that you would cease to exist. So He must have faith that you can do it if you just keep working at it.
Think of a little child learning to walk. The parent (God) is standing with his hands out just waiting. Though the child may fall down and get up several times, the parent stays there. The parent knows he can’t do it for the child–he can only stand there waiting until the child does it for himself. He can encourage the child and smile and tell him that he can do, but the child must do it himself. Think of that child as yourself trying to get to God, who when you do, is going to just grab you and raise you up over His head and swing you around and hug you and shower you with His love and congratulations for doing what He always knew you could do, and how wonderful it’s going to feel just being safe in His Arms forever! :extrahappy: :dancing:
There are so many analogies you can use, and so many books you can read, but just try immersing yourself in as many of the helps God has given us to remind us of His love. That’s what the Church is for, so remember that “He has not left us orphans”, but is truly with us though we can’t see him with our human eyes, only spiritually for now.
One book that is a good one is “Hinds Feet on High Places” by Hannah Hurnard. I’m sure you can find many others.
I hope this helps you. God bless you and I will pray for you and all who are struggling with those feelings.