I just finished praying for help from St Joseph concerning my DW. It’s not that I’m a perfect DH but I suffer silently from DW’s bad temper and dominant behaviour. For example, when we have a simple argument she punishes me by not talking to me for more than 2 days average. Our children are not spared from the same quick temper. When she is mad at any one of them she threatens to throw them out of our house and live as homeless kids. Naturally, it upsets the children (talk about unconditional love). She also thinks marital embrace is a selfish thing for the DH to ask. So she sets the time when (once a month or less). I’m a conservative Catholic who is a role model for my family and community (even DW says this when she is not in foul mood) and provide good family lifestyle and we are in high-income bracket. I am not very authoritative towards DW and tend to be patient. Even my eldest daughter prefers I should meet DW head on, toe to toe but I think this is not the Christian way to set an example of peaceful family. Can I get some advise from other DW in this forum? Is there a good devotional prayer or spiritual program for a DH in such a situation?
I am so sorry to hear the troubles you face. I am praying for you, your wife, and your children.
I too, am having a great deal of difficulty with my DH, as are so many. I found a thread here on CAF, St. Monica, pray for us! forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=106135
It has been a tremendous help for me to reach out to others, and pray with them for marriages that are in trouble.
**Prayer to St. Monica
Dear St. Monica, troubled wife and mother,
Many sorrows pierced your heart during your lifetime,
Yet you never despaired or lost faith.
With confidence, persistence, and profound faith,
You prayed daily for the conversion
of your beloved husband, Patricius,
And your beloved son, Augustine;
Your prayers were answered.
Grant me that same fortitude, patience and trust in the Lord.
Intercede for me dear St. Monica,
That God may favourably hear my prayer for
(Mention your intention here.)
And Grant me the grace to accept His Will in all things,
Through Jesus Christ our Lord,
In the unity of the Holy Spirit,
One God forever and ever.
Prayer to Our Virgin of Guadalupe.
Lord, inspire those men and women
who bear the titles “Husband” and “Wife”.
Help us to look to You,
to one another,
to rediscover the fullness and mystery
we once felt in our union.
Let us be honest enough to ask:
"Where have we been together
and where are we going?
Let us be brave enough to question:
"How have we failed?"
Let each of us be foolhardy enough to say:
“For me, we come first”.
Help us, together,
to reexamine our commitment
in the light of Your love,
willingly, openly, compassionately.
One Hail Mary…
Hail, O Virgin of Guadalupe. We place under your powerful patronage the purity and integrity of the Holy Faith in Mexico and in all the American Continent, for we are certain that while you are recognized as Queen and Mother, America and Mexico and our Matrimony will be saved…
I hope these prayers will help you, and I will include you and your family in my daily prayers. God Bless you.
It sounds as though your wife needs counseling. The behavior you describe is abusive and manipulative and should not be countenanced. If she threatens the children as you have described, she can be charged with child abuse.
You need to do something about this. See a family counselor on your own and get help for yourself and the children even if the wife will not participate.
I agree with all of the advice above, would just like to add:
Go to Mass together
Eat dinner together
if she is open to doing these.
Thank you all for the advices, especially the St Monica prayers. As for the counseling and retrovaille, that may not be the best step if one party does not recognize own problem. Therefore the problem is how DW can see her own role in the problem. I tried talking about it but we just end up in a no-win argument.
I’m cracking my head to find out what have I done wrong to somehow lead DW to behave this way.
Please don’t think that you have done something wrong. Could it be she is suffering from some type of depression or psychological disorder?
Would she see a doctor about this? I recently went to a talk by Father Groeschel. He mentioned that people who have a hard time controlling their emotions could possibly have something psychological with them. Please encourage her to see a doctor.
My prayers are with you.
I think these are excellent suggestions!
I was surprised to realize that although we do some of these things sometimes, it did not dawn on me to do these deliberately and regularly.
Thanks Mary Gail,
I’m working on this…
You do not have a peaceful household. You have an abusive household. It sound to me like your wife has mental problems.
Your children are crying out to you for protection from their mother. Can you not see that?
Do not allow her to continue to abuse you and the children this way. Insist she be evaluated through a therapist.
And, neither you nor your children did anything to cause her to be this way.
Look at your marriage and find what does work in your marriage and begin to do more of that. I have found that the one thing that helped my marriage the most was to fast and pray. Each time my husband would become lippy and rude, I would bow my head and silently say the “Glory Be.” I fasted at least two days a week and offered it all up for my husband. It works!
I have to admit I was not resolute enough in fasting and offering prayer for DW. I will include these in my effort to improve our family relationship!
I will include these in my effort to improve my family relationship!