Despondent......


#1

Ever since my husband left me 2 years ago. It has been a struggle to put the pieces back together again. I am so tired and exhausted as I am working 2 jobs in order to survive and take care of my two kids. Even though he does give money every month it seems as if it is such an effort for him because he can never give it on time. It is either two days later into the next month. Now it is winter this and starting to get hold. He needs to buy clothes for the kids and he is quiet he is not even making the effort to say I will tray and get them a few things. Never mind that he does not call them or even come and visit them.

To top it all off he has gotten a new job with more money and benefits. Our kids are not benefitting but the mistress and her child is. I feel as if God is blessing him here am I struggling from month to month just to survive. I have changed so many things in my life and am trying so hard to do the right thing. I know that I should not loose faith in God and that everything happens in his time. But I feel so despondent as if God is taking favour with my ex he seems to be so blessed. I am the one struggling to survive everymonth just to get through. And he is fine he has somebody to go home to everynight. He is making sure she is been taken care of. Their baby born is been taken care of and he checks to see how that child is. But his own kids he does not care what they eat are they okay, do they have warm clothes. Basically to find out how they are doing at school. Nothing it is as if these kids do not exist. And to top it all off when he left his previous job he could not even have the curtesy to tell me in case something should happen that he has left his previous job and going to work somewhere else.

Sometimes I feel as if I am just wasting my time following the straight and norrow path. Praying, reading the bible, changing my life and always having faith. When those people out there who do the wrong things are happy and progressing and their life is moving forward and they do not have a care in the world.


#2

Robaynne,
I’ve been thinking along these lines lately myself. I’ve been struggling with some personal issues and have been feeling sorry for myself. Of course when I’m feeling down, I tend to look at others’ “happiness”. It seems everyone has more or does more, and yet they don’t seem to really care about God or live their lives in a holy manner. Sometimes I ask myself if I would be happier if I just did whatever I wanted and stopped trying to be so darned “holy”!!!
The only way I feel better is to know that REAL happiness is not here on earth. We are here for such a short time. Many people try to make their stay here a sort of “Heaven” vs. trying to sacrifice and live the straight and narrow to get to the true Heaven with Our Lord. Your gifts are those 2 precious children. We are not owed children. God saw fit to bless YOU with them. Cling to them and feel grateful and joyful because of them. In time, you will learn how to be joyful and grateful again for everything God has given you…even your struggles.

Prayers coming at ya…


#3

Don’t give up on your faith. It may seem that your ex is getting all of God’s favor right now, but let me assure you he will get what’s coming to him. Either in this life or the next (hopefully, he gets it in this life and learns his lesson).

God loves you more than you can ever know. He wants you to trust him right now. Sometimes I think He lets things happen to train you to trust him so that when the really bad things happen in your life, you’re ready for it. He has a plan even though you don’t know yet what it is.

Do you have a court order for child support? Make sure you have done that. Don’t let your ex get away with any favors. If his income has gone up, then the amount of child support he owes goes up too.

Hang in there. I will pray for you. :wink:


#4

I can completely relate to this thread. I, too, fall to self pity at times BUT we have been given the gift of faith and hope. That is what must get us through our troubling days.

Life is difficult for single parents, but God put you in charge of your children because He knows you will rise to the occasion with His help. He has given you strength through Him.

God knows your pain and trials, He sees the real deal and in time, your ex-husband will be held accountable. Pray hard for your ex-spouse in the mean time.


#5

Thank you so much for your responses it has really helped alot.

Yes, I do have a court order for maintenance but it is just not enough as I have so much on my plate as it is and he is not willing to go the extra mile. I feel as if he is spiting me becoz of what happened. Can you believe it that he once told me that God has blessed him with this 19 year old girl and he has been given a second chance at life. I must be chopped liver that stuck in the marriage for 12 years after the physical and emotional abuse among other things.

But sometimes it is so hard to get out of that place where you feel that you are sinking and there is no life jacket. I have had so many things pushed in my way but I stood strong and had faith in God and continued to pray and continued to follow the path that I had choosen but sometimes I just feel like it is just not worth it.

After posting this message one of the ladies at my work who hardly sends out emails sent me this:

JESUS NEVER FAILS

Jesus never fails; Jesus never fails; Jesus never fails; Jesus never fails;
Jesus never fails; Jesus never fails; Jesus never fails!!!
Send this to 8 people, except me. U will get good news tomorrow.
P.S. Don’t take this as a joke. U never know when GOD is testing your heart

I got such a shock because I have been feeling so down and despondent and out of the blue this get sent. You guys are right God is testing us and showing us in so many ways that we should have faith in him and believe in him. That things happen in his time not ours. Why do we give up so easily.

But the devil can really push some ugly thoughts into your mind. Making you loose your faith and making you think that you are worthless and why are you wasting your time praying and reading the bible look around you how people are progressing and where are you alone with no man to love you or take care of you and on top of that you have two kids to look after.

Thanx alot I need to get out of the place I am in back to the light because the darkness is cold and scary and very unhealthy.


#6

Robaynne, I know exactly what you are going through. I went through the same trials. My husband left me with two small children. He didn’t even send support money or have any contact with the children. It was very difficult. I worked hard to keep my children with me. There were times when I questioned God. I think that is normal when we go through such trials. Keep your head up, rely on God and keep your children close to you. I did divorce my husband. He went on and had two other children with his second wife. I also remarried and my husband adopted my children. Several years ago I found out that my ex-husband had passed away. He never got to know my children or grandchildren. My children and the child that my husband and I had together grew up and each of them is a blessing to us just as your children are blessings to you.
I know it’s hard right now but you and your children have a future to look forward to and you can do it. All things are possible for those who love God. There may be times when you question Him but He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Always remember that you are a beloved child of a loving Father in Heaven.


#7

Robaynne:

My dear MIL has a saying that “no matter what the rest of the world is doing, I’m doing what allows me to put my head on the pillow each night and sleep in peace.” No matter what monkey business your ex-husband seems to be getting away with–he cannot possibly be enjoying the peace of mind that comes from living a moral, responsible life and doing right by all his children and lawful wife. Yes, you are sacrificing and struggling–and in the process teaching your children the invaluable lesson that people of character honor their commitments, are loyal to their family and support each other no matter how hard the challenges are. You are builiding bonds of love and respect and instilling character in your children that will pay rewards to you for the rest of your life. What he has is flimsy, dishonest and likely not long-lasting. He will find himself a lonely, pitiful old man someday with no one who really cares about him–except for what they can get from him.


#8

:console: Aww, sweetie! You’ve been given excellent advice here. I could have written your letter. Except I have three children. Since I’m further down this road than you, I’ll tell you where it goes:

You do what you’re supposed to. Your children see what REAL love is. (Sacrificial, on the Cross, not giving up until It Is Finished.) He goes on to have one failed relationship after another. And he is less and less happy because he threw away the only things that made his life truly happy. He drinks more and has to take anti-depressants. He gets older and uglier. The kind of women who find him attractive get worse and worse. And you live peacefully with yourself. Because your eyes are watching God.

I too had trouble with the fact that the ex has indulged himself with motorcycles, jaguars and the best of everything while making me live on the same child support decreed nine years ago. I was a SAHM with no career and three small children when he left. I endured years of abuse and he finally left. It was the biggest favor he did me.

Don’t be despondent. Rejoice that that man is NOT in your house at this moment. You’d pay ten times what you’ve given up for that kind of peace. Your poverty is a bargain considering what was at risk before! :thumbsup:

This is what you do. You pray to St. Joseph to help you with your finances. You entrust your children to HIS care. I eventually landed a job that allows me to take care of my children and earn more than I thought I could.

Eventually your children will see him for who he is. All he will have is money. You will have the love of your children. Trust me on this. You got the better deal.

A wise priest told me that this is a case of the wheat and the cornflower. At the harvest the two are separated. God allows evil people to thrive and prosper here, and good people to suffer. Why? Because not everyone is totally evil or totally good. But God is totally just. So the evil are being rewarded here and now for what little good they have done in their lives. And the good are being allowed to suffer for the little evil they have done. Get your purgatory out of the way now. Offer it up. Trust that God, who made the human eye, knows all and sees all. And your actions and life are not lost on Him. And what you have given up to follow Him will be paid back to you one hundredfold.

Now go buy your kids icecream tonight and watch the sunset and laugh. And know that you have the real treasure. And you are beautiful. And just because your ex didn’t see value in you doesn’t mean you are not priceless. It just means he is stupid. It does get easier. I PROMISE! God has plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

God love you and your children.


#9

Dear Liberano and Robyanne:

I am even further down this road - as a child of a woman left in your same circumstances. Today, as a 51 year old woman, I see my mother not as perfect but as the saint she is - a REAL mother. Thank you so much for all you do, all you did and all you are doing. Please know that there is a woman in Modesto, California, who is going to put both of you and all the moms in this world who struggle to raise their children, getting tired, getting scared, getting lonely and getting bored (let’s face it - my Mom had to sit through two sets of school plays, first for one child then the other) and you never stop loving Jesus, His Church and your kids.

thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you…


#10

You made my day, LSK. :smiley:


#11

Thank you, I knew that you would say these words. It was what I really needed to hear. Thanx stax and stax.


#12

Thank you so much. You really made me wish for the ice cream but winter has started here is SA and it is freezing but hot chocolate and marshmallows is a definate.

Thank you for the words. Sometimes we forget and it is nice to get a reminder.


#13

Thanx you for a wonderful response…I really appreciate it.


#14

Thank you everybody for the wonderful responses that you gave me.

It is now almost two years later and I would be over it. But I have not given myself the time to really heal and get over it. It has been a real struggle for me but you know what I survived and that is the most important thing. If my ex never did what he did to me I would never have found God. I was angry with him for many years and blamed him for the misery and pain in my life. If I did not have God in my life I think I would still be in the darkness.

If you have read my threads before I have really come a long way. It has been a year since I saw the psychiatrist and was on anti-depressants. I was on those things for 8 years and went for shock treatment to get over the depression. I tried to kill myself by taking a overdose of sleeping tablets when all this started.

Today I was saying to myself that I should stop been despondent just let it go and let God guide me in the right direction. He has been with me from the beginning and I should not give up on him. I cannot say that I have really suffered because God has been there.

What I am doing is allowing my ex to get the better of me. My kids show me in so many ways how much they love me and my daughter is only 6 years old but she tells me to stop worrying that everything is going to be okay. God is not going to let us suffer like this forever he is going to help us. I was so shocked she is so small and has more faith than I do.

Now I can say that I am moving in the right direction.

You know there are so many of us out there it does not matter what race, colour, country or religion we all go through the same pain and suffering maybe in different ways but it is such a comfort to know that somebody in America is praying for me. That even though I live here is South Africa I think about and pray about those people who are going through the same thing as me. That I am not alone that God is there but there are other women and men who have been hurt in the same way or differently but they can give you advice and what you do with it is your choice but they are there for you never judging you.

And people in this forum will always respond. You never have to feel that whatever your problem is that you are not going to get a response because you do get one.

Thanx to everybody and thanx for lifting me up and making me realise that life does go on. And that I should never give up on life.


#15

It gets better. I promise! Just stay close to the Church and the sacraments. :slight_smile:


#16

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.