'Detransitioning'

Hi! Weird question ahead.

I’m a fairly new convert, though I’ve believed for a couple of years now. For the past five years, I’ve identified as transgender (FtM) almost strictly and am now following the true teachings of the Church. Most people online recognise me as a normal man (intentional due to personal discomfort), and I play a pretty convincing part. Recently, I feel God convicting me to drop this identity and come to Him as who He created me to be. This is obviously difficult, because 1) it’s terrifying, especially with all who have come to know me as a Christian dude, and not a very ‘liberal’ one at that, 2) there’s still the lingering gender dysphoria and fear of regretting turning back, but God’s grace is sufficient, so it shouldn’t be too much of a problem. I don’t really have any friends in real life, my situation at home is pretty miserable, and the pandemic and social anxiety make it difficult to fix that, so I can’t just start living my regular life, really, but I don’t want to deceive anyone if I start being active online again. I know this isn’t an excuse to continue in sin, and that God is bigger than my problems. I just need advice on dealing with the temptations and trials, I guess. I think my real problem is loneliness. My prayers so far don’t seem to be answered. Maybe the solution is to just ‘do it,’ although I’m afraid of ultimately failing and ending up in sin. It already feels like God has abandoned me for being active online recently (though not actively trying to deceive anyone, I don’t think) and later in small doses, just to roleplay and sometimes respond to messages in order to avoid being rude or causing worry, like my presence is spreading false doctrine with some people knowing I’m Catholic and not my decision to detransition.

Sorry for the weird question, again. I have a problem with scrupulous OCD and admittedly tend to catastrophise more than I act. Thanks in advance. :slight_smile:

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You may want to contact Courage, which is a Catholic prayer apostolate for faithful Catholics dealing with LGBT issues.

They have online support groups and a lot of informative resources like articles to read.

Best of luck :pray:t2::pray:t2::pray:t2::heart:

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I praise God that you came here. God cares about you and wants to be in a relationship with you. The Holy Spirit has already begun to work in your life; why else would He have guided you to this website? When God made you, He made you beautiful. He created you as a female and that gender/sex is a gift from Him. Living a life that’s contrary to that fact is to do Him a disservice. God never makes mistakes, so the body that He gave you was intended to designate what you live as.

I pray that the Lord continues to guide you. :grinning:

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Be who GOD created you to be and you won’t have to worry “about keeping up appearances”. God loves you and He wants the very best for you. The rest , BY THE GRACE of GOD will take care of itself. No one says it will be easy, perfect, or always a walk in the park but you’ll know you are pleasing God and doing His will. Prayers for you and talk to your Priest.

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If you have online friendships, then yes, I can see how that would need to be addressed directly. If your friends are Christian they should be happy for you, not judge you!

If it’s a site where you’re pretty anonymous, like Reddit or something, where it’s mostly matter changing your gender or pic on a profile page you can just change it without an explanation.

As for dysphoria, I admit I don’t know much about that, but you can be comfortable with whatever kind of person you are. You don’t have to confine yourself to a particular way of being female. There are all kinds of women, and that’s a great thing.

You mention temptations, what are you dealing with? Same sex attraction or something else?

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I have same-sex attracted tendencies (as in being bisexual), but that’s manageable, even though I still grieve not having been born a straight man. More so the temptation to return to old habits and deceive others, even just by interacting with them. Sometimes I even see tendency/desire while not actively trying to deceive anyone (although I haven’t believed it to be deceit as much as expressing my inner feeling until recently).

It’s true there are all kinds of women. It’s just depressing that I will never be able to completely fit into the social role/image of a male. God knows best, though, so I intend to follow His vision for me despite terror at my own weaknesses and not fully understanding why He couldn’t have accomplished it in a different body. :stuck_out_tongue: He wouldn’t have brought me to this point if He didn’t have a plan for me, after all (even though I’ve been majorly sinful even since converting, newly beginning to take sin seriously, which has caused a surge in scrupulousity). I think He understands if I fail initially, seeing as this is all fairly new for me. :stuck_out_tongue: Some of the stuff on this topic I did need to hear, though. God bless.

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welcome to the forum.

It’s fine if you want support and speak here. But for practical questions, you will find more help offline with a therapist that will accept the path you feel called to now. It may be difficult to find.

Courage, even if it’s online is a good idea.

I will not try to let these conservatives people around you to know something about your identities until you start something. You may want the support of your priests etc before. Some people may be shocked, but the many will probably happy that you want to live under you true sex.

Coming here can make scrupolosity worst.

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I once saw a fellow wearing a wristband that said “FROG”. I asked him, “What’s FROG?” He said it stands for “Fully Rely On God”. I believe it is an evangelical thing, but I am not averse to seeing the good in our separated brethren. Often, it is the best thing you can do. If you follow God, you cannot go wrong, however hard the road.

You will be in my prayers.

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God’s power is made perfect in our weakness. :pray:

2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Three times I besought the Lord about this, that it should leave me; but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

I imagine God is accomplishing exactly what He wants in you, and it’s something very special.

As much as each of us, when we’re the one in whom something hard is being accomplished, may feel like we have an idea of some different accomplishment we’d ‘rather’ God have in mind. But I think your approach is good: Follow God’s vision; His is better than ours. Whatever He wants for us will be better than anything we could imagine on our own.

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