Hi! Weird question ahead.
I’m a fairly new convert, though I’ve believed for a couple of years now. For the past five years, I’ve identified as transgender (FtM) almost strictly and am now following the true teachings of the Church. Most people online recognise me as a normal man (intentional due to personal discomfort), and I play a pretty convincing part. Recently, I feel God convicting me to drop this identity and come to Him as who He created me to be. This is obviously difficult, because 1) it’s terrifying, especially with all who have come to know me as a Christian dude, and not a very ‘liberal’ one at that, 2) there’s still the lingering gender dysphoria and fear of regretting turning back, but God’s grace is sufficient, so it shouldn’t be too much of a problem. I don’t really have any friends in real life, my situation at home is pretty miserable, and the pandemic and social anxiety make it difficult to fix that, so I can’t just start living my regular life, really, but I don’t want to deceive anyone if I start being active online again. I know this isn’t an excuse to continue in sin, and that God is bigger than my problems. I just need advice on dealing with the temptations and trials, I guess. I think my real problem is loneliness. My prayers so far don’t seem to be answered. Maybe the solution is to just ‘do it,’ although I’m afraid of ultimately failing and ending up in sin. It already feels like God has abandoned me for being active online recently (though not actively trying to deceive anyone, I don’t think) and later in small doses, just to roleplay and sometimes respond to messages in order to avoid being rude or causing worry, like my presence is spreading false doctrine with some people knowing I’m Catholic and not my decision to detransition.
Sorry for the weird question, again. I have a problem with scrupulous OCD and admittedly tend to catastrophise more than I act. Thanks in advance.