DH is mad at me


#1

The only time I get a chance to go to the Adoration chapel is late at night, which happens to be the only real time DH and I have together. So, I’m torn between choosing to stay home and spend time with DH or leave him to go spend time with Jesus.

It’s a really tough decision…and I feel like Jesus is calling me to go see Him…but I also know he wouldn’t want me to neglect my husband either.

I got home tonight and DH is hardly talking to me. He’s mad and I don’t know what to do about it. I guess I’m not going to get to go visit Jesus very much anymore. :frowning:

ETA I think I probably put this in the wrong forum…sorry. :o


#2

I hope I don’t sound like I’m lecturing :o but remember this: Your vocation is marriage. If you need to not do adoration for a little while, Jesus won’t be jealous. My focusing on your marriage, you are serving the Lord.


#3

If anything, you may possibly work out a day or two when you can go. I’d think part of any resentment may be if he does not know when you will be around. But I guess, pray and talk to your husband, to see if you can come up with something that will leave both you and your husband happy and content.


#4

Your first place is with your husband.

That said, talk it over with him and try to get to agree over an “adoration time” you can have for yourself.


#5

I meant “BY focusing on your marriage…”


#6

Why can’t the both of you go to adoration together? I have seen many married couples attend together.


#7

I was just thinking that.

I remember being struck as I saw a man open the Church door for his wife, who blessed him (crossed his forehead) with holy water (he towered two feet over her so he had to bow a bit and she kinda tippy toed). Now that’s Christian romance:D

You’re meant to love each other into heaven after all.:slight_smile:


#8

I think you have already discerned the answer. Jesus is never calling you to neglect your husband, family and duties, so you will have to be more industrious in finding other solutions, and offering up the situation for your husband’s conversion to a mode of thought that welcomes and participates in your desire for adoration.


#9

What’s a DH?


#10

We used to have this problem and I really don’t know what changed it. I know that I always ask permission to go and if he tells me no, then I stay home. He used to say no most of the time, but now he lets me go nearly any time. I decided God took care of it for me.


#11

DH=Dear Husband
DW=Dear Wife
DD=Dear Daughter
DS=Dear Son
:slight_smile:


#12

I would LOVE that. But DH isn’t Catholic and there’s no way he will go with me without a miracle. I’m waiting patiently. :smiley:

I realize that I have to put DH first, and I will do that. I’m going to talk to him when he’s over being mad at me and see if we can work something out. I guess I’m just irritated, for one thing that I can’t go see Jesus and for another that he’s making an issue out of this. It’s not like I go every night. Usually it’s just 2 nights a week, late after the kids are in bed. And I’m usually gone only about an hour. Last week, I think I went 3 nights. But, this is the thing that aggravates me is that he comes and goes as he pleases. He works ALL the time. Which I understand he’s got a family to support, and he’s been gone a lot this summer helping my Dad build an addition on their house. But I NEVER get a chance to get things done on my own without the kids. I feel like the 24/7 babysitter. But if he has something to do, he doesn’t even ask me if I have anything going on or not, he just does it and assumes I’ll take care of the kids.

I really don’t think, under these circumstances, that I’m asking too much to get away for a few hours a week, get a break from the kids which I need, and have some private time.

What is really ridiculous about it is that the only reason why I went last night is because he was outside doing yard work with the neighbor. I put the baby to bed and figured I might as well go to the chapel while DH is busy with something else. So I left and was gone for a little over an hour. I asked DH when I got home how long he was outside with the neighbor after I left and he said for about a half hour. So, most of the time that I was gone, HE was busy chatting with the neighbor. :mad:

This is so frustrating.


#13

sounds like the issue is not about your time at adoration, but about family use of time in general, including balancing work, baby, household, friendship, church and other commitments. Sounds like some good solid discussion, with professional guidance if necessary, is indicated.

when we retired and moved down here it was after long discussion, and for the purpose, or so DH said and I agreed, of spending more time growing spiritually, finding an apostolate etc. Things turned out quite differently and when I got tired of waiting for DH to golf, play softball, run social activities in our retirement part, watch TV, work, and other commitments, I found this job at the parish. he finally looked up, realized I was no longer hanging around, got a little whiny, and now is even more active in the parish than I am. who knew. I think he was just burned out on church stuff from his hard work at our old parish.

my point is that through all this time I tried mightily to preserve our Friday night date, and our Sundays (almost impossible with my job but I did it) but he is the one who started the Friday bridge game and the one who is glued to the TV watching sports all day and evening Sunday. I really think it was at least a year before he even missed me. we had to sit down and really thrash out the issue before we found workable solutions. yep at some point we really do need to talk.


#14

I wonder if he would be more open to the idea of you going to Adoration once a week or so if he knew ahead of time. Say, Mondays are DW’s Adoration nights. And Tuesdays can be his night to visit with his friends/mom/whatever? And that leaves Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays for you to spend together.

On a positive note, it is great that he was bummed about not getting to spend time with you. :slight_smile:


#15

Gee… as a husband… I would LIKE my wife to go to adoration. sigh I guess I’ll have to keep trying.

Anyways, I can understand the husband having needs and those need to be addressed. I also understand the need to be with Jesus. But c’mon… your husband against Jesus… Jesus ought to be the number one… The husband should understand. Now I’m not saying to neglect the husband but it would really be better if both husband and wife go to adoration. I think that is the best move. However, if this is not possible, then a balance needs to be met.

Then again… just my thoughts. C’mon… the God of the Universe wants to see you. I guess what I’m trying to say is that the husband should be willing to die for the wife… meaning, he should be pleased that your’re making Jesus the priority… because it’s all about Him… not about us. As a husband myself, it’s my job to lead my wife to heaven. Because I believe that our marriage is a mirror of God himself…

I hope I made sense.

Glory to Jesus Christ!


#16

I wish somebody would explain all that to DH. :stuck_out_tongue:


#17

Depending on the circumstances, it can also mean:
Darned Husband
Demanding Wife
Disobedient Son
Defiant Daughter. :stuck_out_tongue:


#18

Isn’t it possible that your DH is upset about where you are going? Perhaps it is not the time away, but rather where you are going and who you are going to see that is upsetting him?

Just a thought…deep faith scares a lot of people.


#19

Do you know about www.savior.org? Virtual Adoration! :thumbsup:


#20

Not knowing all of the circumstances, I feel for you and hope that you are able to come to an agreeable solution with your husband.

(Now my male brain is kicking in and I got to try and find a solution.)
Does your DH know where you are going or do you just leave and come back an hour later? That would upset me.

Is it safe to a woman by yourself late at night in the areas that you are traveling? Or does he perceive it to be unsafe? I do not like my dw traveling in certain areas alone. Just because it is a Church does not mean it is safe.

Is he scared of taking care of the baby by himself?


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