I am 38 and dh is 46 and I am 5 months pg and have noticed that my dh isn’t interested in having martial relations with me lately. Earlier tonight I asked him why? In a round about way he said that its because he hasn’t felt the need lately. I asked if he was masterbating or having an affair and he said no. He gave me the impression that being pg was a total turn off for him. He also made the comment that there would be no relations after the baby is born unless something was taken care of. In other words, he meant sterilization. I refuse mutilation of my body and he knows that. He is afraid to have a vasectomy and I told him that it was a mortal sin any way. Please pray for DH that his heart may soften and realize the error of his ways.
Yeah but your going to have a beautiful child to grow old with. My parents live this way. I wish my mom would have left him.
You said, "He gave me the impression that…"
Try not to take your impressions or the things he blurts out as life-long dogmas. Don’t even assume immediately that they are mostly about you. He may be worried more about his own age and ability to be a father and provider than about anything to do with you. Do the math: your next child will be graduating from high school just as your husband is about ready to collect SS checks. It takes a lot of trust in Providence for an older parent to continue to welcome children.
Mid-pregnancy through early post-pregnancy in particular can be difficult times for both moms and dads. Your worries are legitimate, but they may take care of themselves once things get a little more back to normal. Maybe then you can talk a little more rationally.
I am really worried about you and your baby. Your post makes me happy, sad and angry at the same time -it hits way to close to home for me. First, I am happy that God has blessed you to be the mommy of this beautiful little soul in your womb. Congratulations. I am sad because of the pain and suffering that you are going through right now and since you are going through it so is your precious baby. Finally, I feel angry at your husband for putting you through this. I’m sorry for how he is treating you and making you feel. Please try to keep an emotional distance from him if you can and avoid any conversations that upset you. It’s not healthy for you or your baby to go through this stress. Memories that still haunt me of how I was treated when I was pregnant and after the children were born. I ended up losing our third child due to the stress - everyday I listened to comments of how fat I was getting, how I grossed him out and that he was getting a vasectomy whether I agreed or not. I remember actually feeling such heartbreak that I told him he was going to cause me to lose the baby due to the constant harassing and stress that I felt. Well that’s what happened and the day that I miscarried our child he threw a diet book on the table and told me it was time to lose that fat. Just horrible! In my case, after much prayer and spiritual guidance I decided it would be better for me to be on my own.
Please take care of yourself and your baby. I will pray for you, your baby, and your husband’s conversion.
Have him get his cholesterol checked too. High cholesterol can lower a mans libido.
I am sorry to hear you are experiencing stress at this time. First - I hope you are feeling well physically and all is going smoothly for you in terms of your health.
I will add you to my prayer. May the Holy Spirit whisper in your husband’s ear and put his worries to rest.
Gob Bless you the Christmas.
Aslo I woudl like to add that this is rather common.
A pregnant woman gives off different pheromones than a fertile woman. So he may have no clue as to why he feels this way, it’s not your fault in any regard.
I know I had a lower drive the times my wife was pregnant, as hers was raised. Just one of God’s little tortures.
Any hoot, most likely it’s not an active process on his part, and not anythign you are doing… Unless you keep waking him up wanting pancakes and mashed potatoes. :rolleyes:
[quote=puppylove]I am 38 and dh is 46 and I am 5 months pg and have noticed that my dh isn’t interested in having martial relations with me lately. Earlier tonight I asked him why? In a round about way he said that its because he hasn’t felt the need lately. I asked if he was masterbating or having an affair and he said no. He gave me the impression that being pg was a total turn off for him. He also made the comment that there would be no relations after the baby is born unless something was taken care of. In other words, he meant sterilization. I refuse mutilation of my body and he knows that. He is afraid to have a vasectomy and I told him that it was a mortal sin any way. Please pray for DH that his heart may soften and realize the error of his ways.
If it is another pregnancy he is afraid of, have you suggested practicing NFP?
Thanks for your replies.
Debbie M: I have nothing but compassion in my heart for you. Fortunately, DH isn’t critizing my weight. I’ve only gained 5 lbs. thus far. That hasn’t stopped by belly from expanding though. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.
jrabs: As usual, thanks for your compassion. My pregnancy is going great. As “high risk”, my bp is better than ever and I’ve only gained 5 lbs. in 22 weeks. My protein and sugar levels in my urine are coming back good also.
Trewlow: Perhaps you are right. Maybe its a libido thing or a “pg woman” thingy that turn DH off. I’ve heard that before.
BLB Oregon: I know you meant no harm in what you said, but I have done the math and do realize DH will be 64 when our baby is 18.
Bill A: Thanks … a beautiful baby girl (90% chance) we are bringing into the world. We are thinking of naming her Gracie (meaning: charm or grace as in a blessing from God).
God bless & Merry Christmas…
My husband is turned off by pregnancy also. I have no idea why, and he could never explain it either. For him, it wasn’t about bringing another child into the world, it’s just that my preg shape turned him off.
I had no recourse other than to wait out the pregnancy, unfortunately. I felt ugly and fat and hurt.
It did culminate in the birth of a beautiful baby girl in October and we are finally resuming our normal lives, now that most of the baby fat is gone.
Some men are more understanding and accepting of the changes and some aren’t. Sucks doesn’t it.
As far as a vasectomy, I think the only way you can deal with this is to agree to take the burden entirely on yourself and then stick to it as if your life depended on it. Talk him out of the V by taking charge of your own fertility.
I would have to agree with him that he is getting a little too old to continue to have children, although it wouldn’t be the end of the world either!
Good luck to you and have a blessed pregnancy.
Ana & Carrieloon:
It was never my intention to get pg and we were using NFP (charting mucus & temps) when I got pg the 4th month. DH won’t rely on NPF as a method of preventing pregnancy.
Thanks for all your replies.