My wife and I will be attending the diaconate information night tonight. I have contemplating this since about 2004, and this past summer, we made the first step and met with the director of the diaconate formation program.
I won’t lie, I’m a little nervous about tonight. I don’t know why though. I think I’m afraid of what might be asked tonight or maybe it is just excitement… I don’t know.
I do know this is not my decision, it is God’s and the Church’s, and I am fine with that. I have felt this calling for some time now, and I know the inner peace and joy I feel when I do prison ministry, feeding the poor, taking communion to the elderly, etc. In doing the prison ministry, I have participated in communion service with them, and part of that was giving a reflection or mini homily for the men in attendance. This has really caused me to sit and ponder what God is asking me to do, and it is amazing how He is working though me to just do this basic thing.
The thing that I struggle with though is why God would want me. I’m nobody special… I struggled with alcohol many years ago and have been sober for many years. With this though, I can relate to many of the people I meet in jails and who are homeless. My wife and I struggled with our marriage a few years back too (when I was drinking) but we righted ourselves and have brought ourselves closer to one another though that process. I have also struggled with my health with things I was born with and almost died from. I feel these all have been a blessing in ways. Maybe these were all paths that God wanted me to travel so I could serve people later in my life… I don’t know.
The one thing that I have been having a hard time though with is why do I want to become a deacon. I honestly can’t say other than something has been calling me, and I want to explore is that is God and if this is what He wants of me. I don’t know if that is a good reason to be a deacon or not though.
Anyhow, if you all would pray for my wife and myself tonight as we start this process. I ask that we be open to the Holy Spirit and all that is out there and that it makes me a better man in the end, whatever the outcome.
God bless all,