Two years ago I experienced a wonderful experience in the Catholic church called Cursillo. Ever since, I’ve been struggling with my faith, I was already a fallen away Catholic but this Cursillo experience made me return to the church. When I say returned to the church I don’t mean to say that immediately I’m a full blown Catholic or whatever you want to call it. Slowly I’ve been returning but it’s been a struggle because of my prideful ways and because sometimes I feel like I’m not worthy to be with God. Two years ago I started reading the bible and I can’t stop reading, I feel that I want to learn more and more. Not until recently, I started receiving the holy Eucharist. I still feel like there’s something missing in my life, and I know that it is God because I’m still struggling, I feel like it’s really hard to let go of my pride and other sins that make me a bad Catholic. I know that we’re not all perfect but for some reason I still feel unworthy.
Well, on Sunday (Pentecost Sunday) I was finally put to the test about my bible and catechism knowledge. At work, at the beginning of my work shift, I was attacked (faith wise) by a recently converted protestant. I felt that I did okay and answered every question he gave me. He quoted me passages of the bible where he thought (or where he was taught in his new church) that gave proof that Mary was not important. He tried to attack me about baptism, the pope, the Virgin Mary, the cross (that he does not believe in a cross that has the body of Christ). I think I did okay. He finally told me that he is confused with his faith and wants to go to the Christ’s real church and that’s why he is looking for answers, talking to members of different churches. I told him that I just beginning my learning experience but that I was going to give him all the material I’ve been reading and listening to (Catechism, Scott Hahn’s audio tapes, etc.). I told my wife and my wife thinks that maybe God wanted me to show him the correct path.
Well, today, my family and I went to visit my priest at his home because he had surgery last week and he is still sick. We were talking with him about various topics, not only church related but about other things. Then my priest commented that I should become a permanent deacon. I had already thought about this vocation and researched it but I decided not to because of my job and my family duties, too much responsibility. But the priest told me that it was not that hard and there were some duties but not that many. He told me to think about it.
Was this a calling from God for me to become a Deacon??? Can I say no? Or do I have to? I know that God sometimes knocks on your door and if you don’t answer he might never come back. I’m curious about this vocation and maybe it is God calling me. I’m married, I have a 9 year old daughter, I’m 34 years old and plan on having more kids.