My 18-year-old son moved out the day after his 18th birthday. He moved in with my parents whom I do not get along with due to my husband. There are many issues with this arrangement, which I had posted in a thread a while ago, which was closed in February. I haven’t seen my son since Christmas but I have text him several times or he texts me when he needs something from me. He is always busy with his girlfriend, friends, and grandparents. He typically doesn’t have time to see me.
So, Saturday was my birthday. He text Happy Birthday to me. I responded thanks to him. I didn’t hear from him after that. I had hoped that he would stop by to see me. I had made a comment to my current husband that it would be nice for my son to stop by. Well, my husband took it, as he didn’t text me Happy Birthday because he said to my daughter about her brother not even texting your mother Happy Birthday. So, what she do? She text my parents to find out why he didn't text or call me? It wasn’t until after this that I said he did text me but what I said was it would have been nice for him to call or stop by. So, my husband started this drama that is going on now. It wasn’t about getting anything from him. It was about seeing his mother on her birthday and showing her that he loves her. So, the evening went bye and he didn’t stop.
I was pretty upset because I didn’t believe that he wouldn’t stop to see me. I thought I raised him better than that. He has changed a lot since he has moved out. So, I was really upset about this so I text him. Here is what I said to him. I want you to know that I am disappointed and hurt that you couldn’t take a little time to see me yesterday. This is I guess something I just need to accept and not let it bother me. You know what is sad is I wouldn’t do that to you. I now know that I am the problem. I am sorry. Enjoy! I love you very much and miss you a lot.
He responded: Okay and I’m supposed to be alright with the fact that you were telling everyone that I didn’t even say happy birthday or contact you at all yesterday? I responded: IT WASN’T ME!!!! I also responded: That wasn’t me that it was your stepfather. I told him you text me. Whatever it doesn’t matter anymore. You should have called or stop by. That would have meant more to me.
He responded: I was with my friend and figured it wouldn’t have been appropriate. I responded: It doesn’t matter. I am your mom and you should have made the time to see me. You make time to see everyone but me and it hurts. Its my problem so do not worry about it. He responded: You can really stop with the guilt trip at any point. I hadn’t hung out with my friend for months. So we hung out. And I wasn’t just gonna tell him to go home so I could go over. I didn’t know if I was allowed to or not. So it’s like whatever.
At this point I was so upset. I called him. He didn’t answer so I left a message and here is what I said: (Please keep in mind that I was crying and upset as I was leaving this message.) I am not laying a guilt trip on you. I haven’t seen you since Christmas as well and it was my birthday. I said it wasn’t about getting something from you it was about seeing you and getting a hug from you. It is about you loving me the way you say you do. I am tired of you saying I make you feel guilty. I didn’t force you to move out that was your choice. All I want is to see you. You know that I can’t come to where you are to see you. You know why. I said I would not bother you again. I said please know that I love you and miss you a lot. I hung up. He then sent another text within minutes of me calling him. He said: I need to know if you’re going to help me finish the FAFSA stuff or not. I’m assuming not.
I said: Now what needs done. He said: The exact stuff from my tax return. I said: What is the deadline? He said: I have no idea. I think its just ASAP. But with my luck its probably already up. I said: send the site info and I will take care of myself. He said: I don’t know that you can. I said: Please send info and I will try. If it doesn’t work then we will handle it differently. He said: I mean I don’t think we can do it that way because it can’t be saved. So, I have to do everything at once. That was the end of my conversation with him.
Please let me know what your thoughts are on this. Do you feel that I made him feel guilty? That was not my intention. I just wanted to see my son.