Did I fail with dealing with my non-believing ex-boyfriend?


I recently broke up with someone who basically had no religious belief (I strongly discourage a relationship like that by the way) and while we were going out I told him all about the Catholic church. He was very curious so I taught him about some things that interested him such as that Catholics do not hate gay people and why pre-marital sex is a bad idea. However, since he lives in a home that holds a grudge against the Catholic church, I didn’t want to push too much in case he freaked out. Now, we’re broken up and he tells me he is hanging out with his old group of friends who drink and party and feels that sex is the way to go in a relationship and that he should not be deprived of it. I feel like a failed to save him from the corrupt world he is now involved in again. While we were going out, he said he would never ask a girlfriend for sex if she didn’t want to give it and he seemed so different. He lives far away now so I can’t find closure and stop feeling both worried about him as well as feeling like I didn’t do my job as a catholic. everytime I think about him and what his life is now, I start to cry because I really care about him. Did I do something wrong?


Stina: Your friend has given in to the temptations of this world and is living only for that. It is certainly not your fault, it is his. You did your part up to now, and now all you can do is to continue to pray for him and his soul. God can do the rest, He’s better at it than we are. Continue your prayers for his conversion.



No, you have planted the seed. Now it is time to let God water it and bring it to fruition. Keep praying for him, though.


You are most definitely not to blame here. You provided strong Christian witness. I will pray for you.


I will chime in too, you did nothing wrong, you did what you could. He chose, let him and it go. Pray for him and leave it in Gods hands. You really dont want to pursue him in hopes of changing him. Thats #1 thing to avoid. You can get dragged down in the process btw. Trust God, leave it with Him. Hes pretty smart :wink:


No you didn’t do anything wrong. You were very kind and you taught him about the faith. Everyone has free will. He is exercising his, despite the good example you showed him.

He is young, and he may mature and come to realize how empty his life of partying is, so you have planted the seed that there is another way.

And, you have learned a valuable lesson about dating outside the faith. Date strong Catholic men, because that is what you want in a husband and a father for your children.


It sounds like you were just an interlude for him from his chosen path, but now he’s back where he was. Of course you didn’t fail, any more than God failed for allowing him to go back to his old friends and old ways. If you don’t find fault with God in this situation, don’t find fault with yourself either.


You cannot control another person. You cannot choose his path for him. You did exactly what you were supposed to – you set a good example and planted the seed. Seeds take time to grow.

It’s okay to worry about him, but it’s not okay to blame yourself for things outside of your control. You did your part.


Hi Stina, you may not find out what your effort did until the judgement seat of Christ or you get to heaven. It is God’s place to draw him. It is your place to maintain your intergerity, plant seeds, water, and even harvest while on earth. At this point, keep praying and fasting for his salvation. Did you tell him about Jesus? and about the gospel? if not, you did not even plant seeds, all you may have done is loosen up the soil, worked the soil, plowed the soil so to speak for someone else to plant the seeds.

1 Corinthians 3:6-10 (New International Version)

6I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. 7So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. 8The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor. 9For we are God’s fellow workers; you are God’s field, God’s building.

10By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should be careful how he builds.

John 6:44 (New International Version)

"No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day.

Matthew 13

1That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake. 2Such large crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat in it, while all the people stood on the shore. 3Then he told them many things in parables, saying: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9He who has ears, let him hear."
10The disciples came to him and asked, “Why do you speak to the people in parables?”

Matthew 13:18-23

18"Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 20The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away. 22The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. 23But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."

Proverbs 26:11
As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly


[quote=Daniel Marsh;2736353 Did you tell him about Jesus? and about the gospel?

Well, I told him about Jesus through other topics. For example, I made a comment about how I’ve gone 26 hours without eating during lent and he had no clue what I was talking about. So I told him some basics; that Jesus suffered a terrible death and so it’s not hard to fast for 26 hours when He’s gone through so much. Little things like that. I didn’t go on a huge preaching speech though, because I really don’t think he wanted me to force my religious beliefs on him. Should I have been more aggressive? This is the first time I’ve gotten really close to someone who was anti-Catholic.
Thanks for all the responses! :slight_smile:




A light touch is usually the best approach for the anti-Catholic. You share your faith or explain your faith. If they want to share it with you, they’ll let you know. Incidentally, you are much better off without him. A guy who thinks that sex from a girlfriend is a right and not a gift is philosophically a rapist.


Awww sweetie, you did nothing wrong :frowning: You did what you could to teach him the truth and left the rest up to him. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. Pray for him, that is what he needs most.


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