Did I loose my virginity "Just the tip" .. Im perplexed?

Ok so I had an encounter with a guy and I told him that I’ve never done anything before and choose to wait till marriage. We start out small then he initiates this whole idea of “oral” and claims it isn’t sexual intercourse and I agree, and one thing leads to the other and suddenly one day he inserts his member in me and says he only fit the whole head then claims that I haven’t lost my virginity that it isn’t sexual intercourse. I felt pain down there for some time followed by itchiness and guilt. Then I ask him how these acts aren’t sexual intercourse, and he claims that it isn’t and that everybody knows that. So then I ask my cousins(male) indirectly as they keep up with circular trends. Thus they say, that it’s a guys way of having sex with you.
I’ve gone to four priests and 3 of them have said that it wasn’t sexual intercourse that there must have been full penetration, orgasm and intention for it to be considered sexual intercourse. 1 said that it is sexual intercourse. And now I don’t know what to do. I am in so much pain because quite a great deal of people I’ve met say that I’ve lost my virginity. My doctor says that my hymen is still intact so that I can still call myself a virgin If I choose to. But my problem with this is that… I feel like I’ll be deceiving whomsoever I may decide to settle down with if I say that I’m a virgin when I’ve engaged in such. Ive read catholic articles whic state that virginity is a state of mind and that physical virginity is irrevocably lost through the intentional and full completion or experience of sexual intercourse.
I’m so confused… which one is it? I know all activities are unchaste… But is virginity really lost thus?


I would say it depends on how you’re viewing virginity. From a purely physical perspective, you’re probably ok. From a theological perspective, it at least appears that this may not be the case. I don’t presume to tell you what was going on-- it’s up to you (to God, really)-- but the above article may illustrate some criteria.

Virginity on a theological level is not only abstinence from sex, but a rejection of it, physically and mentally. A virgin who is raped remains a virgin, because she did not wish for it, did not like it, and did not encourage it. A virgin who, although ardently desiring and planning for sexual pleasure, finds no outlet, is not a virgin. At least, this is how I understand it.

Please take no offense at me, but you’ve got bigger problems on your hands than whether or not you’re considered a virgin. It’s a lovely title, but I lost it long ago, utterly, and it still haunts me a little as someone who now wishes to live a celibate life as a vowed religious.

Personally I suggest that you think about what sort of boyfriend you have, if indeed he is your boyfriend. He has no understanding of the importance of chastity. This sort of relationship, I’m very sorry to inform you, can lead you down a very dark road.

Take heed of Mary’s warning to the children at Fatima (the third especially, the others are for edification)
"The sins of the world are very great … If men only knew what eternity is, they would
do everything in their power to change their lives. "

"Fly from riches and luxury; love poverty and silence; have charity, even for bad
people. "

"More souls go to Hell because of sins of the flesh than for any other reason. "

If you have lost your virginity, do not be disheartened. Seek repentance if you haven’t already, and then continue on and reform things. Remember God loves you no matter what.

Anyone who told you that you or your partner must orgasm in order to have had intercourse is just plain wrong. Full intent, yes. Full penetration… iffy. Orgasm. Ha. If orgasm is required for intercourse to have occurred, I’m pretty sure there are married women out there who have never had “intercourse”.

Not to belittle your stress over this, but what difference does it make? You did something that you aren’t proud of, you confessed it and recieved absolution, and now it’s over. Hopefully you learn from the mistake and stay away form that manipulative guy and others like him. When you find someone whom you are discerning marriage with and if he asks about your previous experience and if you feel it is any of his business, you can say that you did more than you wanted to once and you’ve been chaste ever since. Chastity is far more important to a marriage then virginity. There are lots of techinical physical virgins who are not chaste.

There are probably mothers of children who have never had “intercourse”! Think of all the virgin births!

7/10 troll job, not bad at all.

I’d give it a solid 8/10 troll job :wink:

I initially thought it was a pretty weak effort. But the fact that it got a couple of serious replies made me reconsider. 8/10.

I don’t know how church views this but I can tell you that what you did can result in pregnancy. Sperm can dribble out anytime before organism and those little sperm can swim right up there and find an egg. In addition you are open to STDs. I hope the doctor tested you. It sounds like your boyfriend might have practiced this technique before. My advise is don’t get into this position again and then you won’t have to feel guilty. For what it’s worth, I would say you are not a virgin.

It was a good try since it is plain that English is not their first language, at least I hope not.
I would cut the 4 priests down to 2 next time.

How far did it go in?

I hope you’re alright. God Bless

Legally speaking, I think, you have had sex. The least bit of penetration is sexual intercourse.

Oral sex is sex too.

Go to confession.

Thank you all. But, I am not at all a troll. I tell you the truth of what I was told. I ask because I myself was perplexed totally by the responses? Supposedly, virginity is lost through a full sexual experience. What exactly is full sexual experience? A full sexual knowledge?

I would also get rid of the visit to the doctor part.

It’s a social construct anyway

Virginity is most certainly not a social construct. If it was, consecrated virgins would not exist.

You can’t argue with logic like that.

If and when the time comes, you can explain it as you have here (not too detailed, but sufficient detail if your furture spouse wants to know). It’s a semantic point; what matters is that you’re sorry for it and are determined to live chastly from now on. That’s what will (or should at least) matter to a future spouse.

Thank you all so much for your replies. The points being made hear have indeed sincerely struck me, and that is the points made towards chastity. I as a person should have known better than to go that far. More so, it would have been wiser of me to ask questions to a religious authority before indulging in such a relationship. Chastity should be the struggle not virginity. Because people make virginity so technical.

If your religion didn’t teach you to live in fear you would have enjoyed yourself.

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