Did you ever have a bit of a crush on someone you couldn't indulge in?


#1

I've noticed recently I've had a small crush on a guy that I've been friends with for awhile. We would both have a lot in come but totally different religious views and life styles. He's a great friend just not someone I could build a life with. :-( He also already has an on again off again girlfriend. I know there's a couple of guys I know that feel the same way about me but our religious values aren't in line...they basically live a different lifestyles then I choose too. The religious crowd I hang with the guys show no interest in me. I'm made to feel like I should be sorry I keep myself busy and don't hang around the house cooking and not being domestic enough I guess. :shrug:


#2

The phrase "indulge in" is typical of a philosophy of using people, as today's incorrect view of a marriage is a mutual using instead of the correct and Catholic sacramental marriage as a giving of oneself totally to one's spouse. This may be indicative of how you have been influenced to think of others and relationships by today's sinful culture or it may just be a bad choice of wording but it is a wrong attitude to have.

Putting God first, running with Him and pausing in contemplation to be united to Him in spirit and truth and then looking around at those running with you will show you a compatible partner who may, if it is God's will, be your one and only. It is stated and restated by our Lord that marriage is only once and that today's divorce culture is adulterous. Just reading a couple of authentically Catholic books on marriage and relationships will highlight the errors of this worldly view and help guide you to a lifelong marriage blessed with the Spirit of God.

Movies and television show incessantly the message of adulterous sin and it influences multitudes, in the past me included. Using others for happiness and gratification is shown to be normal but the infused virtues from the Spirit of God that is supposed to dwell in us shows us a higher truth and a higher blessed happiness. Follow God's Spirit and this will lead to heaven.

Typically these threads devolve into advice columns telling you to "dump him", "keep him", "take him to church", and/or "make him be Catholic" but it is only marginal advice based not on higher truth but on desires of those posting. It is wrong to take a few sentences and propose that one knows what someone should do in a specific instance but it seems to happen every time. Those who wish not to be their own pope have no trouble being their own "Dear Abby".


#3

[quote="Earnest_Bunbury, post:2, topic:208750"]
The phrase "indulge in" is typical of a philosophy of using people, as today's incorrect view of a marriage is a mutual using instead of the correct and Catholic sacramental marriage as a giving of oneself totally to one's spouse. This may be indicative of how you have been influenced to think of others and relationships by today's sinful culture or it may just be a bad choice of wording but it is a wrong attitude to have.

*By indulge I simply meant act on or date the guy. * I must say your response was a little harsh at least in my opinion. I honestly like the guy as a person but we wouldn't make a good couple that's all. I've never had any desire to use anyone and have broken up with nice guys who I didn't feel chemistry with so I would not be "using them" as you term it as a remedy for being alone or just to have someone to hang out with. Having been "used" myself I would never do that to someone else.

Typically these threads devolve into advice columns telling you to "dump him", "keep him", "take him to church", and/or "make him be Catholic" but it is only marginal advice based not on higher truth but on desires of those posting. It is wrong to take a few sentences and propose that one knows what someone should do in a specific instance but it seems to happen every time. Those who wish not to be their own pope have no trouble being their own "Dear Abby".

My only response to your last paragraph is to roll my eyes :rolleyes::shrug:

[/quote]


#4

Yup. Hugh Jackman. :love:

But hubby knows, and is cool with it. ;)


#5

Before I was dating my boyfriend, I had a crush on Elliott Yamin. :blush: But when I watched an interview with him, and he came off as REALLY REALLY REALLY stupid, I lost all attraction to him. :confused: So yeah, I currently have no celebrity crush.


#6

[quote="dixieagle, post:4, topic:208750"]
Yup. Hugh Jackman. :love:

But hubby knows, and is cool with it. ;)

[/quote]

:rotfl:


#7

Yes, and not on a famous person. (I tend to be old school when it comes to crushes on actresses- Grace Kelly, Ginger Rogers, Ingrid Bergman, etc...)

What happened to me was sort of like the song, "Jessie's Girl" by Rick Springfield. I had a massive crush on a friends girlfriend. I hate to say it, but she really was a spectacular girl.(If it even needs to be said, nothing happened between me and this girl, and I'm still friends with the guy. He doesn't know, so don't tell anyone).

One thing that really helped me was remembering that it probably/definitely wouldn't work in the real world. She was very different in interests and wants then I was (that's probably why I was attracted to her) and it wouldn't have worked out. Focus on those things-remind yourself that it's just a crush/fantasy and in the real world it probably wouldn't work.


#8

[quote="Sierrah, post:1, topic:208750"]
The religious crowd I hang with the guys show no interest in me. I'm made to feel like I should be sorry I keep myself busy and don't hang around the house cooking and not being domestic enough I guess. :shrug:

[/quote]

What do you mean by this, Sierrah? :D Don't worry, God will bring your way a nice Catholic guy who will appreciate you together with your lifestyle, if it's meant to be. ;)


#9

I fell madly in love with a fellow who had been divorced 25 years earlier. Despite the time since his divorce the specter of that marriage was like a third party in our relationship and I was the other woman. I chose to move on.

Contrary to the tripe in romance novels, love does not just happen to you like getting hit by a bus. Love is an act of will. I can't do better than Paul in describing just what love is, but if the relationship with a possible spouse, a family member, a close friend, or a total stranger does not help both of you to grow closer to the Lord, make it so or move on.


#10

I think every crush I've had growing up is one I haven't been able to 'indulge' in. Unrequited love sucks! :p

As to what you're saying Sierrah, I think there are a few friends of mine that I believe would make wonderful partners if I wasn't already going out with somebody. They are rock solid friends, we can talk for hours and are respectful of my religion even thought they have none.


#11

[quote="CountrySinger, post:5, topic:208750"]
Before I was dating my boyfriend, I had a crush on Elliott Yamin. :blush: But when I watched an interview with him, and he came off as REALLY REALLY REALLY stupid, I lost all attraction to him. :confused: So yeah, I currently have no celebrity crush.

[/quote]

Who is Elliott Yamin?


#12

Agreed. Better to let go. :thumbsup:


#13

Hugh is ok but I’ve always been more of a
Vin Disel, Johnny Depp or Keanu Reeves fan.
I wouldn’t turn down Orland Bloom either but he’s a bit young for me…lol :D;)


#14

[quote="Sierrah, post:11, topic:208750"]
Who is Elliott Yamin?

[/quote]

He is a singer who was on "American Idol" several years ago. :p


#15

Yes…

Carrie Underwood…

My hockey skates are kinda rusty… :rolleyes:


#16

[quote="CountrySinger, post:14, topic:208750"]
He is a singer who was on "American Idol" several years ago. :p

[/quote]

Ok I remember him now. I sort of liked Daughtry....who did make it big too bad I think he was already married. :(


#17

Oh yes.


#18

It happened to me when I was single. Although it was weird for me, because when I was single the guys typically avoided me, but once I started dating my husband, I suddenly became irresistible. :rolleyes:

It happens to me too now, as a married woman. Just because you get married doesn’t mean crushes don’t happen. The good news is, they can strengthen your relationship! I remember I got a crush on a video game character (lame, I know) and celebrity crushes creep up all the time. Hubby and I always talk about it when it happens. It’s kind of sweet actually. We share with each other what it is about the person we found attractive, and then use it to learn about one another. We then work it into our marriage. For instance, I found that my celebrity crushes were generally forceful men, and that lead my husband to be a more forceful and powerful man in our marriage. I noticed hubby got crushes on girls who dressed up and acted dainty and delicate. I made a point to start wearing more girly clothes and acting “dainty” and that fed his desire to be a more “powerful” man. It just boosts our marriage and love life with one another. The cool thing is, we don’t keep secrets. This only strengthens our trust for one another too, since I know if a “crush” on a real person cropped up, he’d likely tell me about it LONG before it became dangerous, and vice versa.

But I digress…That isn’t really helpful for the OP.

The point is, crushes or “flames” are called flames for a reason. They only last as long as you feed them. If you are thinking and obsessing over it, it will only last longer and even grow larger into a consuming obsession, and that isn’t healthy. If there is no relationship possible, focus on something else. If you have a hobby, work on that. I personally like sewing! It will die out on its own. I’ve killed several “crushes” this way, and it works every time. When you find yourself thinking about him, go for a run, listen to music, or create something. Prayer works too, but only if you pray about something else in your life. Ask God to take it away, then talk to God about your day. I sometimes think we don’t do that enough. I bet God just loves to hear us tell him about whats going on in our lives!


#19

:rotfl:

Yeah, a few times I’ve had crushes on stupid men. They’re stupid because they never came to their senses and proposed to marry me. LOL I’m kidding. Pertaining to the topic, I’ve had crushes that didn’t materialize into anything more than that also.


#20

[quote="Sierrah, post:3, topic:208750"]

[/quote]

hehe you go girl. :thumbsup:


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