Did you want to grow up to be like your mother?


#1

This is more directed at women but men are welcome to comment.

When you were a child did you imagine that your adult life would be similar to that of your mother?

I’m sure I though many things about my adult life would be similar to what I perceived of my mother’s life but I never really wanted to be just like her. She did so much housework and that seemed so terribly dreary to me. I guess I took it for granted that I’d be a mother some day but I never had any desire to care for a baby. I did NOT like helping my mother care for my infant siblings. I did play with some dolls and stuffed toys but not BABY dolls. I was more orchestrator of how these toys would live their lives; I was not a mother figure.

I remember telling people I wanted to be a nurse or a writer when I grew up. I think that was because nursing and teaching were the two professions women I knew belonged to. And I evidently knew that some writers were women. (The strange thing is that I hated writing as a child.) I can’t imagine I’d have made a very good nurse. When I was a tween and young teen I’d tell people I wanted to be an engineer like my Dad. That wasn’t exactly what happened but I did at one point have the job title of ‘software engineer’.


#2

No, I did not want to grow up to be like my mother. Also, I did not want to be any of the things she wanted me to be.

I did want to be a mother. I did not want to do it the way my mother did it.


#3

When I was a kid I wanted to be a mother and a teacher, but I didn’t want to be like my mother, because she always seemed very unhappy, to me.

I never thought that her unhappiness was caused by being a “housewife” (she hated that word - she always said, “I did not marry the house”) or being a mother - I always thought that she was unhappy because her expectations were unrealistic - she was very demanding, and lost her temper when things didn’t go her way, or when people didn’t behave exactly as she thought they should.


#4

My mother is a very patient person, and only gives her opinion on anything when someone directly asks for it. In that, I wish I was more like her.

In other areas, no. She had six kids in ten years, then divorced my father and left us all with our grandparents. We didn’t see her again for several years-and we lived in the same town (which only had 8,000 people in it). I had no relationship with her until I was an adult, and it was because I initiated it with her. We have more of a relationship now, because she wants to see her grandchildren, but she doesn’t really talk to me unless I call her first (in fact, most of my family is like this-then they gripe that they don’t know what’s going on in our lives).

So, no, I would hope that I have a better relationship with my children than my mother had with me. I guess I learned from her mistakes.

Scout :tiphat:


#5

Lol, it depended on what stage of life I was at. Younger age, yes I guess, I can’t remember but I loved how she was (except when I was in trouble, I wanted to be a mother that never scolded her kids :rolleyes: ) I hadn’t figured out that the problem was me misbehaving, not my mom hehe. At one point later on I thought my mom was exaggerated in going to Mass every day and too strict for not letting me do everything “everyone else” was doing. I loved her as a mom, and loved how she loved us, but I wanted to be an aerobics instructor type mom, with expensive car, clothes, etc. married to a rich guy etc (and any other frivolus, superficial thing you can add). My mom was a widow working as a teacher who dressed nicely and always looked nice and elegant, but modestly and without fancy labels all over, and drove a normal mini-van. I guess at that point I didn’t want to be like her, but for the obvious wrong reasons. As I got older I realized what a gem of a mom I had, and in college and now that I am married and a mom I would love to be half the woman she is. I often think of what she did or would do in some situations.


#6

I can only pray that I am half the woman my mother is.

My mother worked from the time she could walk, she milked cows and worked a tobacco farm, she helped care for her 6 younger siblings. She grew up poor, very poor, she studied hard and was a active part of her local congregation. She was an expert seamstress before leaving high school.

She married young, gave birth to 4 children, working side by side with her husband in his full time ministry - she homeschooled us while raising children who sat though long church services several times per week from age 6 weeks on.

She has survived cancer, heart disease, and lives with constant chronic pain. When there was a need, she took additional work outside. I’ve seen her work for what seems to be days on end with no sleep.

She is a beautiful woman, she is the best example of a Christian I have ever met. She is kind and humble, gentle and strong. Her hands are always cold and her smile is always warm. Everyone who knows her, loves her.

Those are big shoes to fill, I have small feet.


#7

YES!! I definitely wanted to grow up to be like my Mother. She was the kind of Mother every child should have. When I grew up she was my best friend. She had to quit school in the third grade because of her heart but she valued education. She wanted children very badly (she wanted to have 2 girls and 1 boy). Her first daughter died at birth (the doctor said it was a warning because of her heart condition). I was born 18 months later. When I wanted to join the Brownies but there wasn’t one nearby she took the bus downtown just so she could learn all there was to learn about being a Brownie leader. Then she started the first Brownie troop at our church. When I was in high school she continued with her Brownies. When I got married, she cooked all the food for my reception. She loved my Dad, she loved me and she loved her grandsons. When she passed away on Christmas of 1969 I lost my best friend. She never got to hold her granddaughter but when my daughter was confirmed she took my Mom’s name for her Confirmation name. Now that she is expecting her own daughter she is going to name her daughter after the Grandmother that she never knew.
I have now outlived my Mom but I have never even come close to being the kind of Mother she was.


#8

O heavens no. There were some good things I did want to immulate but generally speaking I vowed to grow up to be not like her.

Some small examples.

My father was an engineer and made good money. Money was not tight. I was taking ballet lessons and after a certain year you switch from white ballet shoes to pink ones. Well my white shoes still fit so instead of buying new pink ones she went to the local hardware store and bought spraypaint and spray painted them -hot pink.:mad: So I was the only girl in the class with hot pink ballet slippers :o and she wondered why I refused to take any more ballet lessons after that year. :banghead:

She saved my sister’s clothes for me to wear as hand me downs which is fine except my sister was nine years older than me and fashions change just a tad in nine years. So I looked like a dork and got picked on regularly at school for it.

Besides those types of things -she was very dismissive of my feelings. Didn’t seem to understand that I was an individual as I grew older instead of an extension of herself. Totally will not deal with difficult situations, instead she pretends they don’t exist. She very much is the poor, pitiful me type personality and I loathe acting helpless. She also never lets anything go and holds onto wrongs from 40+ years ago like they happened yesterday.

So, no I did not want to be like her, and thankfully I worked really hard not to be.


#9

Yes and no… some things I wanted to do VERY differently… and other things are, well, genetic… and you can’t get away from.:shrug:

My mom has always been extremely self-centered and depressive. Everything turned into a sob-story about how her life was so hard and how she was so unappreciated. On the other hand, she did do a LOT for us kids and really loved us… she just didn’t always have the best ways of showing it.

She’s human… and I love her to death! We all learn good and bad things from our parents… that’s how we grow!


#10

since we are all individuals and develop our own personalities, and traits, the answer to your question for me is no. while i do laugh like mom a bit, i am my own person. iam glad iam me because God created me with my own unique personality. don’t get me wrong, i adore my mom!:thumbsup: but iam me and not her.:slight_smile:


#11

When I was little, yes!!

Now… Not really, because we have different life philosophies and priorities. I love her to death, we’re just 2 totally different women with different ways of doing things. As adults, we are pretty good friends, though. :slight_smile:


#12

:thumbsup: Same here!

Edit to add: Of course I don’t want to be like a little clone, but she has been a wonderful role model and example of motherly love for me. :slight_smile:


#13

I would pay to be even the tiniest little bit like my mom! She’s such a wonderful woman!! She worked hard to raise 3 children on her own (my real dad never helped even a bit! :mad: ), she had sleepless nights so she could bring food to our table, she went to school and sacrificed everything she had for the 3 of us, she moved us to a different country to give us a better future, and the pay off is that she has 3 grown children who love her dearly and thank her every day for all her sacrifices! Why wouldn’t I want to be like my mom?? She took so much abuse from my real dad and we never even noticed. She kept it all in, she never spoke badly about him, she let us love him for who he was, until we realized on our own he didn’t want anything to do w/us (his 3 kids). She was my mom and my dad for 14 yrs or so. Now she has my stepdad who is my dad. She couldn’t have gotten a better man! I LOVE MY MOM!


#14

Lest anyone get the wrong idea…

Today I wish I was much more like my mother. Not exactly like her. But a lot more like her than I actually am.

But when I was a child I didn’t want to be much like her at all. (In fact, the idea of being a grown-up in general seemed pretty awful. I didn’t want to ever be an adult.)


#15

I NEVER wanted to be like my mom. I despised her growing up because of what she did to me and have done everything in my power to not be like her. The only thing I can thank her for is making me strong and self reliant.


#16

When you were a child did you imagine that your adult life would be similar to that of your mother?

No, no, and HL NO!**


I was absolutely not ever in a million years going to do something stupid like get married and have kids and sure as hk not stay home with the little snots. No way. Not me. I was going to make lots and lots of money and travel the world. Maybe, maybe, I might have considered marrying some equally rich and globe-trotting fellow.**


:shrug: :confused: :o What happened?


**I met Rob that’s what. **
**Most times I’m very happy with my change of heart. Oh I’d still like to have lots and lots of money and to travel the world - don’t get me wrong there! But I wouldn’t trade being a SAH/HS-ingM to any of one my kids for anything.:love: **


#17

Kinda. My mom has some really wonderful qualities: like understanding the importance of family and the ability to forgive someone (me :stuck_out_tongue: ) when they screw up royally.

On the other hand my mom does have quite the temper. is bipolar. is a chain smoker, an alcoholic, and has extremely bad taste in men. So I’d prefer not to be like her in those ways.

Historybrat


#18

In that my mom was a SAHM and involved in our lives - yes!
—KCT


#19

aAs a stupid teenager I wanted to be nothing like my mother.

By the time I reached about 20 I realised that if I can be half the woman my mother is I will be very lucky. My mother is an amazing woman, wife and mother.


#20

Yes and no.

Personality-wise, yes. She’s one of the kindest and calmest people I have ever met. Career- and education-wise: not as much. She and my father raised me to have the education and other experiences which they did not have. For that I am extremely grateful.

I like to think that I got the best from both parents: Mom’s scholastic ability, calm attitude, and sense of humor along with Dad’s tenacity, sense of music (Mom is tone-deaf while Dad has a lovely bass voice), and strong faith.


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