Difference between boyfriend material and marriage material


#1

Ladies, in your opinion, what makes up the difference between boyfriend material and marriage material?


#2

Less than you think when you start dating guys who you initially thought had no chance. You can have your “non-negotiable list”, but once someone starts to grow on you, the heart wants to make exceptions.

If she’s marriage material for you, get your foot in the door and get yourself a date. The world is full of women who married the guy they didn’t think had a chance.

Conversely, if it is really non-negotiable, then don’t date people with the “fatal flaw”, whatever that is for you. In struggles between the mind and the heart, the mind only loses ground as familiarity grows.


#3

[quote="DATING_101, post:1, topic:242647"]
Ladies, in your opinion, what makes up the difference between boyfriend material and marriage material?

[/quote]

Easy. According my heretofore could have beens:

Chev==marriage material

AND

Chev!=boyfriend material

ERGO marriage material!=boyfriend material

QED

Not like this is a shining example of internally consistent logic. But that's what I'm there for. :)


#4

I’m a guy, but I’m going to give my opposite opinion.

If you don’t think you might marry a girl don’t bother dating her. If she’s girlfriend potential, she’s wife potential.


#5

Easter and Chev, I agree with you both. Sometimes marriage material is not immediately apparent. Take my husband… please! :smiley: I agreed to go out with him thinking “we’ll see how long this lasts” - I was kind of being nice to him. Thing is, it lasted 6 years and then we married and it has lasted another ten.

He proved himself to be a caring, fun, sensitive person, and his character was far beyond any other boy I’d encountered before. If I hadn’t agreed to go out with him, I’d never have gotten to know him. I wouldn’t have chosen him for my husband at the outset, and I will admit I was more attracted to other boys’ looks at the time. He’s not bad looking at all, mind you.

I think I did pretty well. He thinks so too.

I guess the problem is that when a girl is younger, she doesn’t know what to look for, so she tends to look for her Prince Charming. The boys who can charm the girls are often not the steadfast, good husband types, because they learn that they can use their charms to get whomever they want.

Incidentally, I was told by an ex when he was breaking up with me that I wasn’t a good girlfriend but I’d make a good wife one day. I puzzled over that for years. I now think he meant that I wouldn’t put out.


#6

I think you are right. Don’t know you well, but I think you have those qualities a women need.


My own idea of husband material:

(lets see, I never really made a list before)

1 - A personal believer in Jesus with good morals.

2 - Intelligent (not necessarily well educated though) who has a mind of his own and is not afraid to question/test political or religious authority.

3 - A good communicator (too many women are lonely in their marriage because the man doesn’t wanna talk)

4 - kind, interested and humle ( Don’t like when people with anger or impatience- problems)

5 - joyful, family oriented and able to provide for a family

6 - a man who respects and treats the woman as his equal ( I don’t like macho types and shuvanists or men who talk badly to or about women.)

All of these are non-negotiables.
Am right now in a serious process of discernment about whether to get engaged…
Me and my boyfriend might well have to break it off, partly due to number 5.


#7

There is no difference to be made. You date to find a potential spouse. If that date doesn’t have what you’d expect to find a marriage material then you are dating the wrong person. Pretty simple in my opinion.


#8

What difference? :slight_smile: No difference in my mind!

Some girls have a difference between a guy they “have fun with” and a guy they’d “settle down with.” Problem is, they don’t realize how fast they can fall for Mr. Fun. To me, it’s best to have both qualities in the beginning.


#9

There should be no difference, I don't believe in having a boyfriend until ready for marriage, so the question is moot.


#10

[quote="DATING_101, post:1, topic:242647"]
Ladies, in your opinion, what makes up the difference between boyfriend material and marriage material?

[/quote]

can't think of why there would be a difference why spend your time with someone who is not a real man, who does not have the best of masculine qualities?


#11

There isn't a difference. Do not date people who are unsuitable for marriage. During the process of dating, you will find that some men you thought were compatible and appropriate for marriage are not. But, never start out with an unsuitable person.


#12

[quote="DATING_101, post:1, topic:242647"]
Ladies, in your opinion, what makes up the difference between boyfriend material and marriage material?

[/quote]

Ah,this one is easy. If you tell him that you want to wait until marriage and he says "that's fine, me too." He is definately husband material! :thumbsup:


#13

…But not boyfriend material. Therefore friend-zone him until you’re ready to settle down. :smiley:

Just kidding. :wink:


#14

One only has so many child bearing years - why waste them dating men that are not potential husbands. Once one has discerned that a man is not a good husband candidate he may be a good friend - but is no longer a good boyfriend as the purpose of dating is to discern marriage.


#15

Good question. I didn't start seeing anyone exclusively until I thought there was a potential for marriage at some point, but I didn't hear wedding bells after the first date, either. If that makes any sense. :) So I guess the terms are synonymous for me.

My husband and I have been talking about this topic in reference to our daughters and what we're going to advise them in a few years when they sally forth into the World of Dating, Romance, and Relationships. (And if that isn't one of the scariest ideas we've faced!) Some of the questions we'd like the girls to be able to answer as they date and, more importantly, decide to marry someone are:

  1. How do his mom and dad treat each other and act in each other's company?
  2. How does he handle his money and finances?
  3. How punctual is he and how does he handle lateness: yours, his, and other people's?
  4. What's his dad like? What's his mom like?
  5. Do either of his parents or do any of his siblings have a substance abuse/mental health issues? If so, how have they handeled it?
  6. What is his sense of futurity like?
  7. What does he read?
  8. What's his relationship with his mom like?
  9. What's his relationship with his dad like?
  10. How does he handle it when someone disagrees with his thoughts or ideas?
  11. What's his sense of humor like?
  12. If he had previous girlfriends, how does to talk about them?
  13. How does he treat employees in restaurants, bars/pubs, the cinema, etc.?
  14. What are his friends like?
  15. How often does he genuinely smile and laugh? and 15. What's his faith/prayer life like?

We think it's important for our daughters to look at these questions and start answering them when the man is Boyfriend Material and be able to answer them thoroughly and honestly as he becomes Husband Material.

In fact, we'll probably sit our daughters down when they tells us they're getting married and quiz them on these questions until they can answer them to our satisfaction. If they can't do that, we'll send her back out there to date him some more until they can. (Or better yet, we just won't let them date at all, ever. :rotfl:)

Slightly off topic, yeah, but I hope this helps you somewhat.


#16

[quote="karow, post:15, topic:242647"]
Good question. I didn't start seeing anyone exclusively until I thought there was a potential for marriage at some point, but I didn't hear wedding bells after the first date, either. If that makes any sense. :) So I guess the terms are synonymous for me.

My husband and I have been talking about this topic in reference to our daughters and what we're going to advise them in a few years when they sally forth into the World of Dating, Romance, and Relationships. (And if that isn't one of the scariest ideas we've faced!) Some of the questions we'd like the girls to be able to answer as they date and, more importantly, decide to marry someone are:

  1. How do his mom and dad treat each other and act in each other's company?
  2. How does he handle his money and finances?
  3. How punctual is he and how does he handle lateness: yours, his, and other people's?
  4. What's his dad like? What's his mom like?
  5. Do either of his parents or do any of his siblings have a substance abuse/mental health issues? If so, how have they handeled it?
  6. What is his sense of futurity like?
  7. What does he read?
  8. What's his relationship with his mom like?
  9. What's his relationship with his dad like?
  10. How does he handle it when someone disagrees with his thoughts or ideas?
  11. What's his sense of humor like?
  12. If he had previous girlfriends, how does to talk about them?
  13. How does he treat employees in restaurants, bars/pubs, the cinema, etc.?
  14. What are his friends like?
  15. How often does he genuinely smile and laugh? and 15. What's his faith/prayer life like?

We think it's important for our daughters to look at these questions and start answering them when the man is Boyfriend Material and be able to answer them thoroughly and honestly as he becomes Husband Material.

[/quote]

Excellent list! I wish my parents had sat down with me years ago and gone over it! I especially would highlight #'s 7, 8, 9, and 15 if I were trying to decide on potential husband material, especially in this day and age. I would also keep in mind that a potential husband could have habits that a woman thinks might improve after marriage (or that she might think she could help him to change!), but they very often just get much worse instead..... If you don't think you could live happily with certain current habits of a potential mate after marriage if they remained or worsened, it's probably best to walk away as friends from the relationship before getting involved any deeper.
Good luck in the quest for Mr. Right!


#17

Good point. I didn’t have a real boyfriend until age twenty six. We are still happily married.

I worked. Saved my money for and graduated from college. Then, I was ready for marriage.


#18

How about look at it from the outset- Adam was to protect and nurture both the Garden and Eve but he failed-ladies if you can find a man that would fulfill Adam’s order from the Lord you will be truely blessed.


#19

[quote="chevalier, post:13, topic:242647"]
...But not boyfriend material. Therefore friend-zone him until you're ready to settle down. :D

Just kidding. ;)

[/quote]

You aren't talking about this common lament: If they say this is what they want in a husband, then why can't the guys who are like this get any dates?

Beats me. Well...OK, there were some guys who had none of the negatives, but that is only fine as far as it goes. You have to have intangible positives, too, and those can override some minor negatives.

Ned Flanders is not everyone's idea of the ideal husband.


#20

I am talking precisely about that, Ma’am. One of my favourite subjects. There is an inconsistency the size of the moon between short term and long term goals but I think we’ve already established that consistency is what men are there for. :slight_smile:

Beats me. Well…OK, there were some guys who had none of the negatives, but that is only fine as far as it goes. You have to have intangible positives, too, and those can override some minor negatives.

I have a handful of good write-offs on intangibles!


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