My wife is experienceing a lot of depression. She seems to think that I emotionally abuse her, but I disagree. She thinks that I am to much of a control freak, and I just don’t see that. I think alot of it comes from the different types of families that we come from.
I come from a family whereby, my Dad was unquestionable the head of the household. He was where the buck stopped. He was a great provider and always put everyone else before him. He worked tirelessly. My Dad loved us all, but he demanded respect. I have to admit my Dad is a very big and intimidating man. When he walks into a room his presence is immediatly felt. He raised us kids to be good moral people, although he had his faults to, which I will get to in a minute.
My wife on the other hand comes from a completely different family. They are both good parents, however, her parents almost never argue or get loud. Her Mom wears the pants in the family, and runs her husbands life. She makes most all the decisions, and he follows her lead. My father in law used to have hobbies such as reloading, hunting and shooting, but she has effectively trimmed them all from his activities becasue she does not like them. My mother in law and father in law are both united Methodist ministers. My wifes Mother is a feminist, and got worse when she went to college to become a pastor. DOn;t get me wrong, they are both good people, they have always been there for us. However we disagree as to how a family should be run.
Now back to my Dad. We kids feared our Dad. I am 40 years old and I still fear my Dad. My Father never abused us physically, however, I have to admit that there was some emotional abuse at times. My Dad was both severeally physically and emotionally abused as a child. I am sure that some of that abuse came through to all of us kids. I am also sure that I have passed a little bit of that on, although I have worked hard to make sure that has not happend. However I am so proud of how my Dad turned out, compared to what he came from. He is a good man, a good Dad, and a good husband, although he is flawed just as we all are.
Part of the problem is that my wife and I come from 2 very different families. We both approach disagreements, problem solving, and child rearing from very different perspectives. Her Mom and Dad think that I am abusive, because they say that I am loud, arrogant and a control freak. My family thinks that I don’t have control of my family enough.
I like to think that I am in the middle ground. I do not look at myself as a control freak. I do however demand respect. I take seriously the role of being the head of the household, however I try to balance that with loving my wife as I love myself, as scripture commands. Now how my wife and I look at respect, and our families look at respect is a bone of contension.
I am not a tyrnat. I do not tell my wife what she can and cannot do. I do voice my opinion if I think something is imprudent though. There has only been one time in our 13 years of marraige that I have put my foot down and said this is how it is going to be. i told her that I will have my children raised catholic. Othe than that we have made decision pretty much jointly.
Anyhow there is more to tell, but that is enough for the moment.
I feel bad that my wife is depressed, however I do not know what to do to help her…it is exasperating at times…
I love her so much, and I cannot imagine life without her, however something has to change…I am trying to change myself, however I cannot except that I am the sole reason for all her depression…maybe that is wrong but that is how I feel…
What do I do from here?