So just some background info
I converted to Catholicism when I was 15-16 and was very devout for about 4-5 years. I was considering being a priest up until I was about 20. During my college years I had some struggles with my faith, and I stopped practicing, though I still considered my self a Catholic. I grew up in a single parent home, my mom having gone through two divorces. My dad abandoned us and I had no relationship with him for a number of years. My step father was emotionally and physically abusive. Due to the bad male role models in my life, I was terrified of ever becoming a father myself.
My wife and I got married fairly young, but we were married in the Church. Neither of us were practicing at the time. Shortly after marriage we considered attending mass as a couple, but we never followed through with it. We got married when I was 23 and she 21. Due to the place we were in our lives, we jumped into the physical aspect of our relationship way too soon, before we really got to know each other. We entered the marriage with the understanding that we were not going to have any children, she wanted to devote herself to her career and I was terrified of the prospect of fatherhood. During the time I had a vasectomy, which pretty much sealed the deal. (I have since been to confession and now go regularly as I do genuinely regret the choice)
I had been away from the Church for several years and I never stopped praying, but I was struggling with much of the faith and working through the baggage of my youth. Within the past few years I have become very serious and devout once more. Much of my staying away was due to my wife's growing disillusionment with the Church and her faith coupled with my own struggles. I wanted very much to "keep the peace". She is now a professed atheist, and is extremely militant about it. She is extremely hostile to my faith, and has tried to pressure me into leaving the Church.
I have matured a great deal. I deeply regret many of my past actions, my vasectomy, not discerning my relationship with my wife much more, not being open to life. I do want to have children now and am planning to have my vasectomy reversed. My wife has also expressed an openness to children. However she is completely opposed to raising them Catholic, something which is a requirement for me. I would like to do NFP, but my wife pretty much feels that it is idiotic/complete BS...
I have suffered from anxiety much of my life, though I have made tremendous strides with years of counseling and prayer. I also have ADD, so I am kind of impulsive and not a great listener, though I am intelligent and creative. My wife has suffered from severe depression, but despite many urgings, she will not get any kind of professional help. She is extremely passive aggressive and is quite emotionally abusive. I am actually quite afraid to have children with her - I am deeply concerned about her having postpartum depression, and I am very concerned about her fitness to be emotionally supportive and nurturing of children.
I have been trying to get my wife to go to marriage counseling here and there for the past 2 years, but she always blows me off whenever I bring it up. She has become more emotionally withdrawn, and for the past 3-4 years she feels more like my room-mate than my spouse. I feel like we have nothing in common anymore.
Most of my family and friends are telling me to leave her as is my therapist, some of them are very devout Catholics. I have met with a priest once briefly, and he also suggested that the marriage would be very difficult to save, but it was not a long or detailed meeting, so I don't want to place too much weight on that just yet.
I feel heavily burdened by all of this. I do not want to get a divorce, but I am beginning to feel that it is really the "best" option. The thought is horrible to me and it hurts to even think about it. I am also very concerned about the prospect of getting an annulment. I very much want to have a good, healthy relationship, I very much want to be able to stay in the Church, and I do not know what to do. I feel like I have given all I can to my wife, and due to her insistence that everything is "fine", I just don't think we can reconcile.
I have been praying and fasting over the decision of what to do next for several months now, but things are getting worse, not better.
Thanks for your time and advice.