Dilemma


#1

Now, this isn’t a marriage thing, because I’m not married, neither am I in a relationship. This is about a friend.

She recently moved to Australia, with her boyfriend, they are both studying in the same uni. The both are not faring too well relationship wise and they both feel rather ‘new’ to the country so are kind of lonely.

She is more dependent on him now since she has not many others to talk to. For long reasons not evident here, I asked that she put her relationship on a hiatus until she can get her life back together without depending on him too much.

She however wants to talk to me a lot and is always saying, even if it’s late call me if you are bored, because I have no one else to talk to.

I don’t mind doing it, but I’m worried, since her relationship isn’t going too well, she may start taking an interest in me because I talk to her often and help her not feel lonely, which is the last thing she needs right now and start feeling

‘since he’s taking my loneliness away, maybe I should be with him’

Not to mention she also lives like 2 hours away.

What should I do?


#2

Suggest she get professional help for depression, and then stay out of it. She sounds like a very troubled girl.

I’m inferring from the post that you are male. This cannot lead to anything good. If you want to remain friends, be friends with HIM or at a minimum insist on being friends with them as a “couple” not just with her. So, any emails you send, send to both. Get togethers should be with both. Don’t IM with her.


#3

She is troubled, but I don’t want to make a diagnosis as to how troubled she is, I understand that moving countries is depressing a bit.

So I don’t want to tell her she is depressed and go see a counsellor, especially since she just recently moved. I don’t know the guy’s email, I barely know the guy. Eitherways, I’m not planning on having any get together’s even though she wants to meet up, but I know it’s not because she likes me or anything, but she is lonely. I just don’t want it to go to anything else, because I know it will if I do.

At the same time, I don’t want to leave her alone because people do need to talk to their friends when in need.

Eitherways, when I told her I’m considering being a priest, she kind of hesitated a bit, maybe that will help :smiley:


#4

Why don’t you suggest that she come on CAF? There are lots of nice girls on here that have gone through what she’s going through and it will allow you to distance yourself (as you should, in my opinion, given that she is in a relationship and you want to be a priest). :thumbsup:


#5

She is a zoroastrian, not Catholic. Her boyfriend is Catholic though.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zoroastrianism


#6

All the more reason to learn about Catholicism…:slight_smile:


#7

I’d hardly consider trying to convert her at this moment in time :eek:


#8

Well, you don’t have to say it like that of course. Simply say, “you sound really down, have you thought about talking to someone there in your town or on campus who is trained in helping people?” There are probably some counselors at the university that help people with just this sort of homesickness/trouble meeting others. You can suggest she join some clubs to meet people. Yes, moving to a new place is difficult but it seems she does not want to put any effort into meeting people, just clinging to the boyfriend.

Well, you have my advice, which is to detach yourself from the opposite sex friendship, which you’ve already indicated there might be “more than friends” interest on at least one of your parts. And, if you are truly discerning the priesthood, this is an unwise relationship to get into. You cannot be her support system. You cannot be what she wants you to be.


#9

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