Disagreement with a friend over phone call


I have been married for almost 30 years and have never thought of cheating on my husband nor to my knowledge has he.
I used to belong to a Catholic Club when I was in my 20’s and dated some guys who were very nice and respectful=different times, the mid 60’s. One of them was attracted to me and I to him but we both broke up and married other spouses.
I am having a reunion come up at my grammar school which would have nothing to do with this situation nor particular club.However, in searching for members, I came across this person’s name and that of his wife’s. We had all lived in the same town. I called him and addressed the message which I left on his answering machine to he and his wife which simply stated that I had come across his name while looking for other members and wondered how he and his wife were doing and if they wanted to give me a call I left my number. Well, he did call. We caught up on old times, he’s the grandfather of ll children and I have 3 grown children with my husband. We exchanged addresses and it did come up in the conversation that we had had strong feelings for one another but we were very young at the time and obviously had gone on to marry others not seeing nor hearing from one another in 41 years. We said if we could find any of the other members maybe we could all get together for a reunion and our spouses as well.
I told a girlfriend of mine this at lunch last week and she went on to accuse me of doing something very wrong to which she said she did not want to be a confidante to. I was very hurt by her as I had not intention of having any type of relationship with this person. As far as I can see this will probably be the last time this man and I will ever be in contact.
She later wrote me again and said I upset her lunch.
I would like to have some input into this as I don’t feel I have done anything wrong. I have felt very depressed since she spoke like that to me. Thanks for listening.
I told a friend of mine this


How sad this friend of yours must be that she see something sinister in you catching up with an old friend.

Pray for her.

I hope you have a great reunion.


Wow, I think your friend has trust issues. Catching up with a friend whether or not that person was once a love interest… is not a sin… nor is there anything wrong with that. Your friend is wrong… you have nothing to feel bad about!!!


Ask her why she thought it was wrong.
Have you actually discussed this with your husband? how does he feel about you discussing some old time with your long-lost-ex-boyfriend?

If your husband did not know about this and also does not feel comfortable about this, pershaps you might understand why your girlfriend is upset; however, she should calm down and try to understand and discuss with you further without …all that upset…


Yes, I husband is aware of this and does not have a problem with it as he trusts me.
Ellen 18


Then all is well. It’s not as if you were trying to sneak off for a secret rendezvous with your “old flame” without your spouses involved. Your friend sounds like she has some serious issues. YOU did not upset her, nor are you responsible for her feelings;** she** reacted irrationally to something you said. Just don’t bring it up with her again, go about your business, and have a great reunion!


Some people think no married person should have any friend of the opposite sex. Perhaps that is your friend’s objection.

I can’t see anything wrong in what you did.


Maybe she didn’t get this part and that’s why she got all upset. If she did know though, you might want to emphasize again. If she still thinks you are wrong, then I would say you and she have totally opinions on this part.


Sorry that happened Ellen, and is affecting you so.:frowning: I would say like the others–maybe she has been ‘the victim’ of someone taking a conversation like you had and then it went in another direction. Sometimes, when people react in ways that make utterly no sense to me–I ask them–may I ask why you are reacting this way? Usually, they will tell you. I might try that…because maybe you can help her get over something that she has been harboring, which spouts out when she is faced with conversations like this. Just a thought. I don’t think you did anything wrong, as you indicated to your husband that you’d be calling this person. If you hadn’t done that–I might have different opinions on it, but since your husband is fine with it–why not?

I think though, you might be able to help your friend, at the end of the day. I hope it works out.


You are not the one who’s nuts in this scenario. But, remember, we see things through the filter of our experiences. Perhaps she had a bad experience with some other friend in her past who put her in a bad position regarding sneaking around on a spouse. Who knows.

It does seem to be a terribly disproportionate reaction to the story you relate here.

You didn’t do anything wrong, nor do you seem to be hiding anything from your spouse.


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