I have been struggling with the Catholic marriage prep processing, and I don’t really know what to do. I felt like my faith was so much more solid before the processing than it is now. I was SO looking forward to formation with my husband-to-be, something that would help us establish deeper ties with our Savior, with our Church, with each other, and with our families and friends in Christ. What has happened has been a nightmare of bureaucracy. I am so sad… so sad… It’s all about rules regardless of how much it hurts people. They want to make me take a FOCCUS personality test with my fiance, ostensibly to improve communication between us. But they won’t let us take it together, and they keep the answers but we don’t ever get to see them. I’ve done some research into the FOCCUS test, and apparently it asks people the same question like 9 different times. That is the type of test that is used to trip up criminals – intelligence orgainzations use them all the time with suspects. Why can’t we just talk about things like rational human beings? Why are we treated like criminals? Is this really what Christ wants for us?
Do you know I’ve woken up to the call to pray in the middle of the night for weeks on end… would spend hours in prayer in the middle of the night, which only increased my awe and love for our Lord, which made me realize I know so little about His realities, but I didn’t care, because I was shown how strong He is and how much He loves us… And I have been attacked in the middle of the night by a slinky, wraith-like creature who was trying to get my attention… it was dark and silky, and as black as I have ever witnessed… and as I continuously turned my back on this thing and cried out to the Lord that He is my king… the God of Abraham is my God… and the thing kept trying to come at me from all sides… and I kept turning away with my calling out to the Lord… and finally the thing went away, and angels came to comfort me, and I didn’t go back to sleep but sat on the floor of the hotel room with my back up against a wall, shaking and yet comforted, praying until the sun came up… You see, that weekend, I was there to see my priest-friend ordained as a Bishop. I was with my fellow music minister… Thank God she was there…
WHERE WERE ALL THE PRIESTS TO HELP ME WITH THIS? They were too busy with the bureaucracy imposed on them by powerful people, the bureaucratic control freaks who run the Catholic Church. The Pope isn’t a bureaucratic freak, so why the hell is the American Catholic Church?
I want to go back to the Orthodox Church, where people treat me like family, but my fiance says it’s a grave sin to leave the Catholic Church. I don’t want to go to hell.
I am so sad… so lonely…
Where are the St Johns of the Cross? Where are the St Teresa of Avilas? Where is ANYONE to help me with this… ?
My fiance says that we need to be in the “right” Church. He was crying last night because he wants Christ to watch over us, and we really need to be in the Church He wants for us… I so want that too… but I am so confused… why do Church people force secular things onto the ones who just want a simple, deep, and meaningful faith life? Why this FOCCUS thing? Everyone keeps telling me “it’s fun”… you know what? That’s what most people think about sex too, but when it is forced on people, it’s called something else.
Aren’t there any people who just practice plain old-fashioned Christianity without being forced to partake in this modernist psychobabble BS? Why can’t we just talk about things like family? Why are people processed? Coming from a traditional Arab family, this is all so… demeaning and shallow.
Anyway, thanks to whomever actually finished reading my venting. lol. I actually feel better, but some helpful advice would be good too.