Disappointed


#1

My husband and I have been married for almost 13 years, but have been together for 19 years. We have a total of 8 children…four here, and four are saints. We’ve had a rough row to hoe…but I tell ya, I couldn’t imagine doing it with anyone else.

He is an unconfirmed Catholic…not attending. I am coming into the Church, and have acted as the spiritual head of the family because while he believes, and tells the children about his faith, he does not believe in “doing the church thing”. :roll eyes:. Anyway…we finally got the lack of form decision back on his prior marriage, so we are going to have our marriage convalidated so that I can receive confirmation.

Keep in mind I’ve been waiting 5 years for him to get the paperwork together. I finally did it. I will be confirmed at our daughter’s baptism on Pentecost! I’ve waited 5 years…

I wanted to have our marriage blessed during Mass. Father C was willing…DH wants it more private. We were originally married in a park with my parents and sister alone attending…I really wanted ‘something’. Not a wedding, but I wanted to do this in front of friends. :frowning:

Now his family, who didn’t come to our wedding, didn’t come to the first three girls’ baptisms, nor did they come to our second son’s funeral, are acting put out because I haven’t formally invited them to Hannah’s baptism.

I just want to cry. I want to convalidate our marriage and enjoy Hannah’s baptism and my confirmation.

I just needed to vent. Sorry :frowning:


#2

Sorry, dear.

It sounds like you had a beautiful vision of how things should be, but the world is working against you.

Keep your chin up and muddle through.

These things never go the way we expect.

:hug1:


#3

Hugs and prayers from me.
If it helps, just say they haven’t been involved in the past but they are welcome to be present if they want to.

I am so happy for you Heather, for your great milestone, so hard won.
Dear girl don’t let anyone take your joy away from you.

Warmest congratulations!


#4

[quote="heathernoel, post:1, topic:241047"]
My husband and I have been married for almost 13 years, but have been together for 19 years. We have a total of 8 children...four here, and four are saints. We've had a rough row to hoe...but I tell ya, I couldn't imagine doing it with anyone else.

He is an unconfirmed Catholic...not attending. I am coming into the Church, and have acted as the spiritual head of the family because while he believes, and tells the children about his faith, he does not believe in "doing the church thing". :roll eyes:. Anyway...we finally got the lack of form decision back on his prior marriage, so we are going to have our marriage convalidated so that I can receive confirmation.

Keep in mind I've been waiting 5 years for him to get the paperwork together. I finally did it. I will be confirmed at our daughter's baptism on Pentecost! I've waited 5 years..

I wanted to have our marriage blessed during Mass. Father C was willing...DH wants it more private. We were originally married in a park with my parents and sister alone attending...I really wanted 'something'. Not a wedding, but I wanted to do this in front of friends. :(

Now his family, who didn't come to our wedding, didn't come to the first three girls' baptisms, nor did they come to our second son's funeral, are acting put out because I haven't formally invited them to Hannah's baptism.

I just want to cry. I want to convalidate our marriage and enjoy Hannah's baptism and my confirmation.

I just needed to vent. Sorry :(

[/quote]

Why not have your marriage blessed at a weekday Mass? There would only be a small number of people present. This would satisfy your husband. You could invite those whom you choose and have a small breakfast celebration afterwards. Doesn't sound like a big deal, but should keep your husband and family happy. Maybe you, too. Good luck and God bless.


#5

May God lead you to peace....you are doing a great thing. I was a cradle Catholic but not involved at all once I was married, other than the sacraments for my children. I am now, as they say, "on fire" and have to contain my enthusiasm as not to make people think I've gone bonkers - including my husband. He, also a cradle Catholic, was like me......not only "in this world" but "of this world"...... for 36 yrs. What brought me back? have to give it to my mom's daily rosaries all these years. She prayed for God to open my heart and bring me back..... and I think that is all we can do for anyone who doesn't want to hear us right now. God Bless


#6

Dear OP,

I am glad you came here to vent. That is a lot to keep to yourself. Just curious but would it be possible to say 'Since you did not come to the other girl's batism, I did not think you were interested in coming'? or woudl that just create a fight?

As for not going to your second son's funeral.... Ouch, that would have hurt me tremendously. May God give happiness to you and eternal rest to your son

CM


#7

When we got married in the church (10 years after we were married civilly) it was just us and our 2 sons, and the priest of course. My husband would probably not have agreed to do it had I wanted anyone else present or to do it during a Mass. He’s more introverted than me and really he is only doing this because of the kids anyway, and because he knows what it means to me, not from any belief of his own. I was just happy to be legit in all ways. Since we’d gotten married in a judge’s chambers the first time, at least I got to buy a pretty white suit this time. :wink:

You’d have a baptism for your daughter, get confirmed AND get your marriage convalidated during the same Mass?? Seems a little bit hectic to me, although a fun atmosphere…But it is the 2 of you getting married, so you have to give a little if your husband doesn’t want the fuss. However, have you explained to your husband that it means a lot to you to have a few friends present?

I’m sure it will work out to be a wonderful ceremony, however it happens. You will experience grace no matter what. Let us know what you and the priest and your husband work out.

:hug1:


#8

Awww! Ty…

Joe would be happy to do it in the priest’s office, too. I don’t want flowers, 10000 people…I want our children there and a few friends who have been waiting with me to complete the process of RCIA. These are people on the team that have been praying for me for 5 years. I’d even settle for after Mass. :frowning:

I’m really hurt over my MIL comments about Hannah’s baptism. I really am. I’m trying to pray the anger away. Right now my solution is to ask to have her baptized and keep the date to myself, and ready the kids and DH right before it’s done. But that’s not right.

SInce I found out we were pregnant with her I wanted to be confirmed and have her baptized at the same time. After losing our two boys, this just means the world to me.


#9

:signofcross::console::grouphug:


#10

Well, I don’t know what your MIL said…but you can pray for her, and for patience with her. I am allowing patience to flow from God to me…for my husband, who is a really wounded individual in the form of a competent goal-oriented man…and a sinner, just like me. When he’s at his worst I try to remember that…and have compassion.

I think you do need to find a compromise with your husband. If it means that much to you, you should find a way to accomplish it, or you will forever be wistful about it, at best, and resentful, at worst.

Have you really sat down and talked to your husband about the whole thing? Told him what you want and why?


#11

I second the idea of doing it all at a weekday Mass. It was very important to me to be confirmed in the context of a Mass, but I did not want a big crowd. Daily Mass turned out to be absolutely perfect.


#12

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